Plunkitt's List

The 2010 Nucky Thompson Awards for Excellence in the Art of Politics

2010-12-30T09:47:00.000-08:00

1) Feda Hussein Maliki: According to the New York Times, last August, Feda Hussein Maliki, the Iranian ambassador to Afghanistan, boarded the personal jet of Afghani President Hamid Karzai while it idled on a Tehran runway and sat down next to Karzai's Chief of Staff, Umar Daudzai. Maliki was carrying "a large plastic bag bulging with packets of euro bills" intended for Daudzi. A "plastic bag?" Feda baby, a little discretion, please. Hey, what's Farsi for "good earner?"

2) Bill Clinton: The Bruce Wayne (or is that the Jay-Z) of American politics. Jetting in to save candidates at a moment's notice, now he's in the White House briefing room (with never a hint of gloating), now he's on the phone with the world's coolest call list. A mega-player. Forget having a finger on the pulse. He's in our bloodstream. Where's the clothing line?

3) The Permanent Government: While the Tea Partiers were still nursing hangovers, GOP political strategist David Bass of Raptor Strategies put it all in perspective for the Washington Post: "These new members who ran against Washington will play Mr. Smith for a while, but there is a structure, a way of doing things that has to be respected. New friends will be very important to them." Dave, in the future, please don't draw back the curtain that far.

4) Long Island GOP Rep. Peter King: For being there for Charlie Rangel when it counted. A class act. And for enduring the New York Post's Michael Goodwin inanely yelling "shame on him" for standing on the "wrong side of history." Proof that too few folks who write about politics actually get "this thing of ours."

5) Phil Davison: The failed contender for the GOP nomination for Treasurer of Stark County, Ohio, Davison held us glued to youtube with his stage-stalking plea for party unity behind his candidacy. You know he'll be back. After all, he has a "Masters in Communications!!!!"

6) Washington Post Columnist Ezra Klein: For his September review of the American Political Science Associations's annual convention in D.C. Among the tidbits the scientists had to offer: "Our research indicates that members of Congress don't listen to lobbyists unless they want to," and "The public supports what the president wants to do when they support what the president wants to do." Okay folks, this is art, not science. Oh, and those who can do, and those who can't run regression tables.

7) A Couple of Pols: Lifelong friends Albert Montecalvo and Frank Langlanese, who were on the ballot together for the 15th time this November as the respective Mayor and Council President of Lewis Run, Pennsylvania. That's 56 years in elective office. Or, as Tip O'Neill once observed, "Anybody can get elected once" but it's after the second and third times when you have to start paying attention to them.

8) Nigerian Pol Eme Zuru Ayortor: Busted at the Lagos, Nigeria airport in May with more than 4 pounds of cocaine in his stomach wrapped in 100 individual packets. Ayortor explained to authorities that being a drug mule was the only way he had to raise funds for his 2011 state Assembly race. And you thought the old rule was "follow the money."

9) In Memoriam: Robert Byrd, Dan Rostenkowski, John Murtha, Ted Stevens, Charlie Wilson. That's just too much wisdom and skill gone in one year.

10) Chechen Leader Ramzan Kadyrov: [Okay, this happened in 2006 but thanks to WikiLeaks we learned about it this year.] Setting a new standard for a pol's wedding gift, the Chechen leader attended the debauched festivities celebrating the marriage of the son of the head of the state oil company in Dagestan, and presented the young couple with "a five-kilo lump of gold." When you got it, flaunt it.

What a year! Brother Nucky would be proud!

Dog Days, Blue Dogs, Blue Moon, Bark at the Moon, Summertime Blues...Hey! Look!...There's Bill! Bill! Bill! Over here!....

2009-08-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

1) The Rules of Washington: #513: "Never throw your former fellow Congressional Intern under the bus." Uber Congressional election expert Charlie Cook, on just-convicted former Louisiana Cong. William Jefferson, whom Cook served alongside as a Congressional intern back in the 1970s: "It's a case of 'Here's a guy who grew up very poor, he wanted to be in Congress and politics, but he just made a decision that he wasn't going to be poor again.' It just broke my heart." Hey, more to the point, did you ever see what he kept in his "lunch bag" in the office refrigerator?

2) Can you take this and put it in a box and sell it? Senate Finance Committee Chair Max Baucus (D., Mont.), on the need for reforming the health care system: "We have to work together to find out a better solution, which is still a uniquely American solution, which is public and private. We're not, you know, Great Britain. We're not Canada. We're not Netherlands. We're America."

3) The Rupert Pupkin of American Politics: Even after President Obama called Cambridge, Massachusetts, police St. Jim Crowly to apologize for saying the police had acted "stupidly" in arresting Harvard Prof. Henry Gates, GOP Cong. Thad McCotter was still pushing legislation he introduced to demand that the President apologize. Just 48 hours prior to the White House "Beer Summit," McCotter's bill had been co-signed by only three other of his fellow House Republicans. "Hey MAAAA!!!! I'm votin' here!!!!!"

4) Political buried treasures: The best thing about Time's recent cover story about the last days of the Bush-Cheney relationship (besides giving us a glimpse of a confoundingly politically astute president (how did he hide that?)) was the anonymous quote about old Washington hand Fred Fielding: "Freddy isn't afraid of anyone. He will slit your throat with a razor blade while he is yawning."

5) A rip in the political fabric: Looking disturbingly too much like former House Speaker Newt Gingrich's spokesman Tony Blankley, Joe Piscopo appeared on FOX's "Hannity" show to offer his take on the issues of the day, particularly health care reform. What's next, Chuck Norris on the "birther" issue? Of wait,.....yeah......never mind......

6) Hey Joe! Distract them with that thing you do.... After Vice President Joe Biden's recent comments about Russia being a weak nation were downplayed by the Obama Administration, the NYT ran a piece just chock full of Russian realpolitik. Alexei Pushkov, anchor of a popular current events program on Moscow television said, "Biden has said this in such a way that the whole world heard it. And then there are secret, furtive calls in the night, dragging Russian officials from their supper. They want to say this is not true. But somehow everybody still thinks it is." And this from Andrei Ryabov, political analyst at Moscow's Carnegie Center: "Nothing accidental can happen in this system. Everything has a hidden meaning."

7) And you should see the looks he gives them..... Embattled Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd (D) recently sent out a fundraising solicitation seeking support for next year's reelection fight. Seeking to position the Chair of the Senate Banking Committee as no friend of Wall Street, the solicitation claims, "The lobbyists can't get meetings with Chris. He won't return their phone calls. He even yells at them during hearings."

8) GOP Vision Quest, take 34: Two GOP Senators recently offered their own views on "what's wrong" with the Grand Old Party. First, the much-quoted Columbus Dispatch interview with Ohio Sen. George Voinovich, in which he offered: 'We got too many Jim DeMints and Tom Coburns. It's the Southerners. They get on TV and go 'errrr, errrr.' People hear them and say, 'These people, they're Southerners. The party's being taken over by Southerners. What the hell they got to do with Ohio?" And then there's South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham, on the majority of GOP Senators opposing the Sotomayor nomination for the Supreme Court: "You're seeing what I'm afraid is going to be the future. It's Mideast politics and Mideast politics, when it comes to judging, will not serve the judiciary well in the long run."

9) When debating public policy, always head for the bottom line: Political analyst Mark Shields, on Inside Washington (7/31/09), in response to talk that a new federal health care insurance program might mean organ rationing: "That's why we need the matchmaker in New Jersey who can get the kidney for you."

10) Things that should make us all feel better about our messy Democracy thingy: Former Liberian President Charles Taylor, on trial in The Hague for war crimes, denied the accusations of a witness who testified that he ate human flesh alongside Taylor at a meeting of his secret society, Poro. Said Taylor, "It never happened. I never ordered any combatant to eat anyone." At the same time, we can never forget one of the most chilling candidate endorsements ever recorded, that being a Liberian voter who supported Taylor in the 1997 election that put him in the presidency: "He killed my mother, and he killed my father, and I don't care - I love Charles Taylor." (NY Post 7-22-97)

The Politics of Summer '09: "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'!"

2009-07-23T19:06:00.000-07:00

{Editor's note: Dear reader, it's been more than three months since our last meeting. If we can all agree that the much over-used aphorism, "A week is an eternity in politics," is way-outdated (more like "six hours" in our current time frame), then the three months and eight days since the last "List" has left us in a new space-time continuum. Back in April some people in this town were actually concerned that Speaker Nancy Pelosi might lose her station over her claims of CIA deceit. How times have changed. On with the show!}

1) Creepiest recent statement by an American pol: Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, writing on her Facebook page on the media blitz following her resignation announcement: "How sad that Washington and the media will never understand; it's about country." Does the name Gen. James Mattoon Scott ring a bell? Or give you the shivers?

2) Scariest recent statement by a legitimate political consultant (okay, a hack): Former McCain adviser Mark Salter, commenting on Palin, "The skills she has are formidable and unteachable." Meaning: "Call me."

3) As Bob Dole once described Carter, Ford, and Nixon: "See no evil, hear no evil, and evil." The ever-entertaining vault of Nixon White House tapes released another gem in June, with Nixon heard explaining to an aide that no matter how much he disliked it, "There are times when an abortion is necessary. I know that. When you have a black and a white." Hey, this is the guy who said Jerry Rubin was obscene, right?

4) How politics works "over there" Putting the recent Iranian almost-revolution into perspective, Karim Sadjadpour, political analyst with the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, told the New York Times, "At a political level what's taking place now, among many other things, is the 20-year rivalry between Khamenei and Rafsanjani coming to a head. It's an Iranian version of the Corleones and the Tattaglias; there are no good guys and bad guys, only bad and worse."

5) Has your elected official offended you today? Too many to mention, so let's go with New York Democratic Rep. Carolyn Maloney, likely 2010 U.S. Senate contender, who criticized sitting Democratic Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand for reportedly supporting "English-only education" while in Puerto Rico. Said Maloney, "I got a call from someone from Puerto Rico...and he said it was like saying n----r to a Puerto Rican." Maloney afterwards apologized for "having repeated a word I find disgusting." And of course, there's Arkansas State Sen. Kim Hendren (who hopes to join the U.S. Senate) referring to New York Sen. Chuck Schumer as "that Jew" during a speech before a state GOP organization. Hendren later explained, "When I referred to him as Jewish, it wasn't because I don't like Jewish people. I shouldn't have gotten into this Jewish business because it distracts from the issue." He went on to say that the Jew he most admired was Jesus and that he also liked Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman.

6) The GOP in Aztlan: Your pick. First, there's Oklahoma GOP Sen. Tom Coburn during the Sonia Sotomayor hearings last week telling the Judge to her face that under a certain scenario, "You'll have lots of 'splainin' to do.'" Tommy, still using Ricky Ricardo as your touchstone of Latino culture? Then there's the hapless Dennis Miller telling FOX's Bill O'Reilly that he would have preferred that the GOP not get into a fight over the Sotomayor confirmation, saying, "They should have laid down on this and gotten some street cred in the barrio." Who talks like that? "Hey essay, the judge will see you now."

7) As The Bard recently noted, "Beyond here lies nothin'" Apparently having run out of deep-thinkers at this point, the annual GOP Congressional fundraising dinner in June featured actor Jon Voight (Yes, that was Jon Voight's car.) as the master of ceremonies. Shifting easily into his recent villainous role on this past season's "24," Voight roused the crowd with: "We are becoming a weak nation...Free the nation from this Obama oppression...Bring an end to this false prophet Obama." Hey Jonny, seen Angelina? The kids?

8) From the "Washington is..." Dept.: Some observations about this town are forever. Note Nancy Reagan's recent advice to Michelle Obama to host lots of state dinners at the White House. Said Nancy, "You don't have to do anything. Just have a good time, and do a little business. That's the way Washington works." Still true, unlike the observation of Watergate burglar Bernard Barker, cited in most of his obits in June: "Washington's a place to keep away from. Cubans don't do very well up there." Times have changed, Bernie.

9) Yard signs we want: Omar Bongo Ondimba, 73, died in June. He ruled the nation of Gabon for the last 41 years, most of the time viewed as not such a good guy. As his WashPost obit noted, "Favorite to succeed Mr. Bongo is his 50-year-old son, Ali Ben Bongo." C'mon, "Go with Bongo!" It writes itself.

10) Best "found" Pop Culture Political Insight in recent months: In the original film adaption of "The Taking of Pelham 1,2,3," the ailing New York City Mayor is still bedridden at the onset of the crisis. While he bemoans the one million-dollar ransom demand of the terrorists who hold 18 citizens on a subway train, his nurse says, "I know a million dollars sounds like a lot of money, but just think of what you're going to get." "What?" asks the Mayor. "Eighteen sure votes," she replies.

Tea Parties + State Secession = Piracy on the high seas (kinda)

2009-04-15T19:10:00.000-07:00

1) Whistling past the political graveyard: Club for Growth Grand Poobah Pat Toomey, who almost won the 2004 GOP primary against Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter and has a good chance of winning the 2010 GOP primary but virtually no chance of wining the 2010 general election, is back for a second try. The GOP Don Quixote tells the WP: "Rick Santorum lost because it was 2006. It was a terrible year for Republicans. It has nothing to do with 2010." Yes, but everything to do with terrain. And registration is a whipsaw.

2) It's not a sin: Former Hill staffer and now K St. lobbyist Daryl Owen, writing in a WP op-ed [4-3-09]: "I spent 12 years on Capitol Hill...Since then I have been a registered lobbyist. Arguably I have contributed more to public policy from the private sector than I did from the public side....It is because exposure to the private sector has given me insight and perpective I could never have developed as a Senate employee. That knowledge has dovetailed with what I learned on the Hill to make me a useful channel of communication between two worlds that have only the weakest understanding of each other."

3) Welcome to Glennbeckistan: Gov. Rick Perry, he of the "It's my state and I'll secceed if I want to," land of Texas, joined with House sponsors of a resolution affirming state sovereignty. Perry, facing a tough reelection fight, said, "I believe that our federal government has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of our citizens, and its interference with the affairs of our state." Hey Rick, we'll check back with you during hurricane season (God forbid!).

4) He named names! Well, at least one. Channeling the ghost of Joe McCarthy, Alabama Rep. Spencer Bachus (R) told the Birmingham News last week that there were 17 Socialists serving in the current Congress. Asked to name names, Spencer offered up only one - Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders - who in the past has identified himself as a Democratic Socialist. Spence, you started this. Go ahead, name the names. 16 to go.

5) A pol who knew the difference: R.I.P. Stephen Minarik III, a New York State GOP political operative who served as state party chair from 2004 to 2006. According to his NYT obit [4-15-09], Minarik never yearned to be a candidate himself: "I love getting people elected. I never wanted to be elected myself. There is a huge difference between being a candidate and being an operative. A candidate is out front every day. He or she has to shake hands and smile. I don't have the personality for that."

6) Do Middle Eastern pols blame the Jinn? No doubt planning for some self-deluded political comeback, disgraced former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer (D) explained to Matt Lauer on the "Today" show [4-6-09] that he's been doing lots of introspection about his addiction to high-end call girls: "I've tried to think about it deeply, address it. There are no excuses. I have tried to address these gremlins, confront them." Let us know how that works out.

7) As Curly Howard once said to his brother Moe, "I try to think, but nothing happens!" Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin was back in the news this week after it was revealed that her nomineee to be state Attorney General had in the past referred to gays as "degenerates," had defended a high-school student's art-project depiction of a Ku Klux Klansman, and had (alledgely) once opined that "If a guy can't rape his wife, who's he gonna rape?" Ya know, Sarah, it's not too late to start a career as a pageant mom.

8) Politics is supposed to be about give and take but mostly take: In the midst of defending his existential angst about taking some but not all of the federal stimulus funds designated for his state, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford told the NYT [4-4-09]: "I think the fatal flaw of a lot of people in politics is that they want to be loved. I sleep like a baby at night." Let's see how he's sleeping come 2012.

9) When men were men and journalists were CIA assets: Inexplicably, most news media ignored the passing of former journalist Tom Braden, 92, on April 3rd. A syndicated newspaper columnist, creature of Washington and former CIA official, Braden was the liberal counterpart to conservative Pat Buchanan on CNN's original version of "Crossfire" back in the early 1980s, before John McLaughlin taught everyone to start screaming on political talk shows. An original member of Nixon's "enemies list," Braden was Old School and there's just not enough of his generation around this town anymore.

10) Uncle Bob talks Uncle Sam: After opining to interviewer Bill Flanagan that "Politics is entertainment. It's a sport. It's for the well groomed and well heeled. The impeccably dressed. Party animals. Politicians are interchangeable," Bob Dylan went on to gush over President Barack Obama's life story, offering that "his mother was a Kansas girl....with deep roots. You know, like Kansas bloody Kansas. John Brown the insurrectionist. Jesse James and Quantrill. Bushwhackers, Guerillas. Wizard of Oz Kansas," and that Obama's father was "An African intellectual. Bantu, Masai, Griot type heritage - cattle raiders, lion killers." Thanks, Bob.

"Welcome to Washington," or, as Mr. Sinatra once said of another burg of hopes and dreams, "This town is a make-you-town, or a break-you-town..."

2009-04-03T14:22:00.000-07:00

1) Somewhere, Lyndon is smiling: Writing in his WSJ column [4/2] Karl Rove reveals that he somehow thinks the term "new politics" doesn't include the word "politics." Rove is in a dither about the AP-reported anecdote in which Pres. Ob pulled Oregon Rep. Peter DeFazio aside in a "closed door" meeting and said, "Don't think we're not keeping score, brother." DeFazio had voted against the administration's stimulus bill. C'mon Karl, you know that keeping score is what this is all about.

2) People who give this town a bad name: The WP's too lengthy Style section profile of LegiStorm website creator Jock Friedly [4/2] waited until the very end to inadvertently reveal why this misguided soul thinks it's essential for the fate of the Republic that everyone in America know the salaries of every employee in Congress (along with their home addresses, info on their investments and what their spouses do for a living). Says Friedly, "Washington dirties people. They come to Capitol Hill wide-eyed and wanting to do the public good. Washington changes them." Hey, Elliot Ness, why don't you spend your time going after real crooks, like say the Sinaloa drug cartel? Let us know how it turns out.

3) Go Johnny Go: Having to explain yet again just what it is our members of Congress do, Pennsylvania Rep. John Murtha tells the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: "If I'm corrupt, it's because I take care of my district. My job as a member of Congress is to make sure that we take care of what we see is necessary. Not the bureaucrats who are unelected over there in whatever White House, whether it's Republican or Democrat. Those bureaucrats would like to control everything. Every president would like to have all the power and not have Congress change anything. But we're closest to the people." Murtha was responding in part to having been branded "One of the most corrupt members of Congress" by the "watchdog group" Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, who, at last count, has yet to get a highway paved or a bridge repaired.

4) What passes for political commentary these days: After making fun of the fact that Pres. Ob's Kenyan immigrant aunt (whose deportation has been delayed for a year) walks with a limp and a cane, cable talk show host Glenn Beck proceeded to instruct his listeners thus: "Don't hate Mexicans!" Ahh, Father Coughlin for the twitter generation.

5) Things they forget to teach you in political science class: A report released by the American Association for Public Opinion Research (and written by eleven pollsters and academics) concluded that that the polling that erroneously predicted that Sen. Barack Obama would win the 2008 New Hampshire Democratic presidential primary was wrong because the pollsters stopped surveying voters too early and thus did not capture last-minute changes in voter opinions. Oh, and yes, the fact that Hillary's name was near the top of the ballot and Barack's down towards the bottom may have had something to do with it too. Ballot position, people!

6) Madam, your black helicopter awaits! Although it's old news, we cannot overlook Minnesota GOP Rep. Michele Bachmann's ramblings on the March 25th edition of the Sean Hannity radio program in which she said: "Right now I'm a member of Congress. And I believe that my job here is to be a foreign correspondent, reporting from enemy lines." Illustrating once again that the difference between an opinion and an informed opinion is sometimes a gulf too insurmountable for some folks to cross.

7) Most insightful political reporting of the last two weeks: WSJ reporter Susan Davis, profiling the lay of the land for Sen. Arlen Specter's 2010 reelection fight [3/23], rightly points out that the central problem for the incumbent will be the GOP primary fight. After Democrats succeeded in getting 239,000 Republicans and independents to switch parties in order to vote in the 2008 Democratic presidential primary last spring, Specter now faces a smaller, much more conservative pool of voters for the 2010 GOP primary election. Facing a likely rematch from Club for Growth's Pat Toomey as well as perennial wingnut Peg Luksik, Specter really has to get a lot of folks to decide to become registered Republicans again, "even for just one day."

8) Meet the new GOP leadership: Bemoaning the Democrats' budget, GOP Rep. Paul Ryan of Wisconsin opined: "We are spending like drunken sailors. Wait, I apologize to the drunken sailors of America for that comment." Paul, the joke been used like a thousand times by McC and look where it got him. It's over. It's like talking about Nintendo. Plus, for it to work you really have to have served in the U.S. Navy yourself.

9) Okay GOP, Newt basically says it's over: Former Speaker Gingrich: "If the Republicans can't break out of being the right wing party of big government, then I think you would see a third party movement in 2012." Quick, get me Admiral Stockdale!

10) Argentine Pres. Raul Alfonsin, R.I.P.: Raul Alfonsin, who upon being elected President of Argentina in 1983, led the investigation and ordered the prosecution of the military figures responsible for the murders of thousands during that country's dark days of dictatorship, has died at age 82. According to his WP obit, an Argentine Supreme Court Judge wrote last fall, "All of those who are holding a public post aspire to be able to walk in the streets afterwards without any problem. Alfonsin is the only ex-president who can walk the streets at ease." And, in the end, isn't that also what this is all about?

Moral Indignation: Oh sweet nectar of politics

2009-03-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

1) Please! There are children listening! Riffing off of Ross Perot's 17-year-old image of the dangers of NAFTA, Ohio Rep. Steve LaTourette (R) takes to the House floor to proclaim, "Today there's another sucking sound. The tightening of sphincters on both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue." At least he didn't use a chart and pointer to illustrate his argument.

2) The Albert Camus of the GOP: House GOP leader John Boehner (R., Ohio) on where his folks stand now: "As I told my colleagues, we don't have enough votes to legislate. We are not in the majority. We are not kind-of in the minority; we are in a hole. They ought to get the idea out of their minds that they are legislators. But what they can be is communicators." Communicators from down in the hole? Huh? You mean like the kids who fall in the well? Why not just start talking about your collective dark night of the soul?

3) We don't go for that up in these parts: New Hampshire Sen. Judd Gregg (R) on the Obama Administration's idea of bypassing that bipartisanship thingy on health care legislation: "That would be the Chicago approch to governing: Strong-arm it through. You're talking about the exact opposite of bipartisanship. You're talking about running over the minority, putting them in cement and throwing them in the Chicago River." I think you're confusing Chicago with New Jersey. But hey, how do you do it up in New England? Take them ice fishing after the first thaw?

4) Desperate times call for better wisecracks: New Hampshire (again with New Hamphire? What's up with these guys?) Rep. Paul Hodes (D) really let A.I.G. CEO Edward Liddy have it this week, telling the witness at the House Financial Services Subcommittee hearing that "A.I.G. stands for Arrogance, Incompetence, and Greed." Why do we feel that you spent the entire time waiting to be called on to speak just praying that nobody else on the panel used that one? Whew! Bet he never saw that one coming.

5) Don't you love it when an election campaign comes gift wrapped? Sorry Gov. Paterson. We're sure you've heard that there's this crisis down on Wall Street and well, Attorney General Andy Cuomo is raising hell about it. And people really like that. So, you know, next year shouldn't come as a surprise, okay? [And you really know Cuomo is riding high when his only critic is former NY Gov. Eliot Spitzer, who went on WNYC radio this week to say that the bonuses are merely "the flavor of the month." Dude, your political instincts are sharp as ever! Just leave the money on the table, okay?]

6) Worst caucus name ever: Either incredibly calculating or deeply hidden Ob Administration secret agent Sen. Evan Bayh (D., Indiana) goes on MSNBC's "Morning Joe" to announce that he is leading a group of 16 moderate Senate Democrats to foresee that things like spending don't get too far out of control. And that he's calling his group "the Practicality Caucus." Wasn't that one of the numbers in "The Pajama Game?" What, was "The Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Caucus" taken?

7) Hey everybody! There's a Senate race in Connecticut! Note to Chris Dodd: When did it all start to go wrong? Was it moving the whole family to Iowa two years back? Geez, who'd have thought we'd be hearing from Rob Simmons again so soon? And just for future reference, never stand in front of a microphone and begin a sentence with the words, "Had I known at the time.." 'cause nobody really listens to what comes next anyway.

8) Why Ross Thomas should be required reading before anybody gets in politics: Rep. Paul Kanjorski (D., Pennsylvania) summed up so much of this week's mess with the observation: "I'm sick and tired of hearing the administration and the Secretary of the Treasury say, 'I just found out about it.'" Things started to go downhill in American politics when folks ignored the importance of the guy [or gal] who used to be known as "the go-between." Tweets just don't do it.

9) Worst "Big New Idea" ever: Thankfully not everyone is really going to jump on Wisconsin Sen. Russ Feingold's (D) bandwagon to change the Constitution to require Senate vacancies to be filled only by elections. It's people like this who want to take out every bit of fun left in politics.

10) Introducing "The Taft Diet" The recent NYT piece on the new National Archives "Big!" exhibit [a collection of all that is large sized in American history] contains not only some anecdotes on our biggest President - 340-pound William Howard Taft - but also his own note about losing 70 pounds after he left office: "I have dropped potatoes entirely from my bill of fare and also bread in all forms." He stopped drinking and went on to observe that "Too much flesh is bad for any man." He would've been a great get for Chelsea Lately.

Pol is to Politics as Twit is to Twitter

2009-03-11T19:21:00.000-07:00

1) Mikey, we hardly knew ye: How long before Grandmaster Steele reaches out to Bobby Brown? Really, the only way the RNC could be any more entertaining is if they had put Gary Busey in charge. Then they'd all be riding big choppers and attending ritual fire ceremonies. Hey, there's still time....

2) Best pop culture "grok" of politics this week: On this week's "Big Love" [HBO 3-8-09] Bill's American Indian business partner Jerry explains why the Western Utes have put the kibosh on their casino plans: "Welcome to the dirty world of tribal politics. We haven't been good with the Utes since the Blackfoot War of 1877. They're an arrogant treaty tribe. Not all of us had it handed to us on a silver platter." Proving again that politics is as all American as cherry pie. Sorry, Cardinal Richelieu.

3) "Ladies and gentlemen, P. T. Barnum lives!" The new "Man in Black" has the Grumpy Old Party runing scared. Or at least driving slowly past the car wreck and saying nothing. Rush, time to cover "Hurt." Really.

4) Well at least somebody found a theme: Sen. Richard Shelby, interviewed on ABC's "This Week" [3-8-09] first opined that "The American people don't trust the banks." Then, when asked about whether he'd be okay with the fall of Citibank, replied, "Well, whatever." Can you hear it, "The GOP, whatever, it's all good." Let the focus groups begin.

5) Never have so few talked so long about so little: Rick Santorum and Greta Van Sustern tackle the evils of earmarks [Fox 3-9-09]. Stunning in their lack of ability to comprehend what politics is all about. Obvious that neither ever had to get a bridge fixed. Really. Neither.

6) Best political writing of late: Richard Cohen on what's likely coming our way: "The rage that is coming will change the politics of our time. Barack Obama will either figure out how to channel it, as Franklin D. Roosevelt did, or he will be flattened by it, as Lyndon Johnson was. Obama's challenge might even be greater than FDR's." [NYDN 3-3-09]

7) Wealthy, famous, inexperienced candidate alert! The buzz that columnist Larry Kudlow may be considering a run against Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd next year. Larry, Larry, Larry. Sure, Dodd's a bit behind now but he does scream back and he's got the only Senate Committee chairmanship that really matters this cycle. Twenty months of roasting Wall Street on a spit will make him a new man. You just watch.

8) Here comes the political "Catcher in the Rye" Rod Blagojevich has garnered a six-figure-deal to spill everything about what his publicist terms "the dark side of politics." So I guess there's going to be a lot of stories about having to eat deep-fried candy bars and getting your wife's third-cousin a job. Am I right people?

9) The most entertaining 2010 U.S. Senate race continues: Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning continues to war against NRSC Chairman John Cornyn and fellow KTY Sen. Mitch McConnell, both of whom want him out of his reelection race. Says one GOP fundraiser interviewed by Politico [3-3-09], "The easiest way to get rid of [Bunning] is not give him any money." Well, yeah, except that he's obviously gone to ground and will be running this campaign from the bunker.

10) Advise and Consent: First the WP runs a pointless front-page story about the old FBI investigation into whether LBJ aide Jack Valenti was gay. Then the WSJ runs a story implicating LBJ press aide Bill Moyers' participation in the affair. Then Moyers writes a letter to the WSJ defending himself and alluding to his working in a Senate office building the day a gunshot rang out one floor above him as "a U.S. Senator comitted suicide over his son's outing." For those interested in political history, it was Wyoming Sen. Lester C. Hunt. Hunt's son had been arrrested for soliciting prostitution from an undercover male police officer in Lafayette Square. The story goes that Republican senators blackmailed Hunt, forcing him to resign or have his son be outed in the press back home. Hunt was a Democrat and the Wyoming Gov. was a Republican. So Hunt brought a rifle into his Senate office and killed himself.

Anyone equating the Stimulus with "the Soviet grain quotas of Stalin's time" will never get to be a Stimdog Billionaire.

2009-02-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

1) I knew they should have gone with that "Wow Towel" guy: Note to Bobby J., next time you address the nation do not assume the body posture of Andy Kaufman's "Latka" character from "Taxi." You spoke like someone else had control of your mind. Oh wait, I guess they did.

2) If I stay there will be trouble....: Two things are pretty obvious at this point in the Roland Burris saga. First, never send Dick Durbin to muscle anybody. Second, Burris must be holding the Immunity Idol. It's the only thing that makes sense.

3) Maybe they'll start dating: In what's shaping up as potentionally the most entertaining Senate race of the 2010 cycle, both Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council and porn star Stormy Daniels are reportedly interested in running in the GOP primary against incumbent Louisiana Sen. David Vitter. If things keep going this way, one day soon TMZ will rule this town too.

4) Flash! T.R. spins in grave! While promoting his new tome, "Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the America Dream," Samuel J. Wurzelbacker (i.e. "Joe") makes his second recent stop in D.C. to speak about all things conservative. In response to a question from Politico about the possibility of his running for a House seat, Joe said, "If I became a congressman I would literally bang people's heads together and probably get in a lot of trouble." [Insert Moe Howard reference here.]

5) You can't Google institutional memory: West Virginia Sen. Robert Byrd came out swinging at the Obama Administration this week, charging that their plans to create various policy "czar" positions in the White House "can threaten the Consitutional system of checks and balances. At the worst, White House staff have taken direction and control of programmatic areas that are the statutory responsibility of Senate-confirmed officials." Scoff if you must but once he goes, there goes the Chamber's last link to the Roman Senate - and the last person to understand why that matters. But we will still have plenty of folks who Twitter. Oh goody.

6) Profiles in Courage 2009: Minnesota's GOP Governor Tim Pawlenty agrees with others in his party who have criticized the president's stimulus package, calling it a "meandering spending buffet." However, as he told the WP, he is "going to accept the money" on behalf of his state because, "For many Republicans, it's not our bill, but it is now the law..."

7) A politician without a clue is a former politician: In this week's case of yet another politician who "didn't know it was a racial stereotype," Los Alamitos, California, Mayor Dean Grose apologized for sending out an e-mail photo which depicted the White House lawn as a watermelon patch. And Mr. Mayor, BTW, in case you also didn't know, a stereotype does not refer to "SONY."

8) Alert to political history buffs: As to all this "twittering" that went on in the chamber during the President's speech to the joint session this week, does anybody remember Hubert H. sitting there playing with an Etch A Sketch while LBJ was talking? Dana Milbank in his WP column reports on Texas Rep. John Culberson (R) doing a pre-speech live streaming video on Qik.com using his camera phone and then breathlessly assuring his audience that "I'll do one more broadcast and then I will tweet from the floor." Where are we headed, people?

9) Why business success rarely equals political success, Volume 46: Former chief executive of eBay, Meg Whitman (she of the pointless and dull 2008 GOP Convention speech), says that she is running for governor of California in 2010. She told the NYT, "I'm pretty convinced that the next governor of California is going to have to plant herself in Sacramento 24/7, 365 days a year. It's going to require listening, understanding policy alternatives, and building collaboration and relationships that allow the state to move forward. It's another eBay." No, it's not. It's really not. Somebody tell her now. Please.

10) On the other hand: There's money. There's real money. There's Stimulus money. And then there's Bloomberg money. As the New York Post reports, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg intends to begin his reelection TV spots "well before May 18," the date on which he started running spots during his 2005 reelection campaign. That year he spent $1 million a week on TV spots alone. This year he's also set to open "nearly two dozen campaign offices around the five boroughs as early as April." Yo Mike! When can we get some of that, ya know, walkin' around money, ya know?"

"The Chair recognizes the distinguished gentleman from Ponzi Land"

2009-02-20T17:29:00.000-08:00

1) Hey Mikey! Way to build that big tent! Newly minted RNC chief Michael Steele says that the GOP needs "to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets." Get me Matt Roloff! Stat! (And just what does "uptick" mean, exactly?)

2) Do you think Winnie would ever Twitter? According to a profile of House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (Virginia) in this week's WP [2-16-09], he "is studying Winston Churhill's role leading the Tories in the late 1930s, a principled minority that was eventually catapulted into power over the Labor Party." Of course we assume he's following the daily alcohol regimen as well or else he's missing the whole point.

3) They sure is! Big Brain Team of Rivals II dude Sir Lawrence Summers to the NYT [2-17-09]: "Politics are hard to predict." Not really. Just think of the word as a verb and realize that at least half the time it's headed straight for you.

4) Words of Wisdom from Big John: Longest-serving-House-member-in-history Rep. John Dingell (Michigan) told the NYT [2-9-09] "I'm not one who thinks Washington is an evil place. Bad people do bad things here, but they do them everywhere." And, "The curse of this business is that they'll primarily remember you for how long you were here, rather than for what you did."

5) Val Kilmer to run for New Mexico Governor: Just remember Val, campaign like Jim Morrison but govern like Bruce Wayne. No wait, campaign like the guy in Heat and govern like the guy in Wonderland. Better yet, buy up all the copies of The Salton Sea. Hey dude, you just don't need the hassle.

6) Dangerous ideas heard in Washington: Texas GOP Rep. Jeb Hensarling on the prospects of his party coming back: "If you get the principles right in the first place....the politics will take care of itself." [WP 2-9-09] Huhhhh????? Psst! Hey, over here. I got some voter lists to sell you....Really, nobody's seen these. I'll give you a good price.

7) Memo to Judd Gregg: Just for fun, why don't you get all dressed up and get a briefcase and just show up at the Commerce Department next week. You know, like just say, "I'm reporting for work. Can someone show me to my office?" It'll be a scream, I tell you. Unless of course you've changed your mind again....

8) Best Soap Opera of the 2010 cycle so far: Kentucky GOP Sen. Jim Bunning continuing to insist that he's running for reelection while everyone around him says he shouldn't. After NRSC Chair John Cornyn tells the press he' still not sure what Bunning's doing, Bunning tells Politico that Cornyn is "either deaf or he doesn't listen very well." Highly entertaining.

9) This thing of ours: Testifying during his fraud trial this month, former Pennsylvania State Sen. Vincent J. Fumo, a political maestro who lived and breathed politics for more than 30 years, tried to explain that political work can be all encompassing: "I never, ever thought in my wildest imagination would someone ask me, did I keep a log of when did I talk politically, when did I talk personally. Maybe it's good that I resigned because I would not know how to live under that standard today."

10) What YouTube teaches us: Drop what you are doing, go to YouTube, type in "Nixon Archie Bunker" and listen to Nixon, Ehrlichman and Haldeman in the Oval Office on May 13, 1971. The subject matter is an episode of "All in the Family." Nixon describes watching an episode for the first time, thinking that it was a movie. Both aides explain the show's premise to their boss and you hear the one-time leader of the free world say, "Arch is the guy's name," and opine that he is pretty sure that Arch's son-in-law "goes both ways." It is riveting and explains oh so much. [Thanks to the brilliant Norm MacDonald for the heads up on this.]

"'Partisan' & 'Politics' go together like two peas in a pod, Jenny."

2009-01-28T13:43:00.000-08:00

1) "Whoopi, I tell ya, I'm feelin' more and more like a minority myself!" Just who is counseling Blago these days? Positioning yourself as the "anti-Nixon" and saying "Play the tapes!" ain't bad when you're in a ditch. Of course, after citing Mandela, Dr. King and the Mahatma, he reportedly went on to mention "Ray Milland, Aleister Crowley, Dylan Thomas, Che, Walt Whitman, Keith Moon, James Dean, Sonny Corleone, Allen Ginsburg, Carrot Top and Gummo Marx."

2) "Where is the girl I used to know?" After too many days of mindless cable news punditry about the whole Caroline K. fiasco, social commentator Artie Lange gets it all in one succinct sentence: "She is not good at the game 'cause she never played the game." [The Howard Stern Show 1-22-09]

3) From the "Hey! Didn't you used to be somebody?" Dept. : Former Rep. Dick Armey, moments before personally insulting Salon's Joan Walsh on MSNBC's "Hardball [1-28-09]," defined "this thing of ours" thus: "Politics is juvenile delinquency....Don't let politics define anything. It's silly, inane." Dickster, leave yourself out of this!

4) "Of course, Lord Vader. At once, Lord Vader." When it comes to looking like a quisling, you just can't beat Georgia GOP Rep. Phil Gingrey's bowing and begging for Rush Limbaugh's forgiveness. Don't worry Phil, he had no idea who you were two days ago, and he's not hoping you fail.

5) Can you say "contested primary?" Note to Gov. Dave P.: If someone invites you "up to the Vineyard," just say you're busy. We hear that's the last invite Judge Crater got.

6) Voices of Reason (yes, it's a short list): Former GOP Rep. J. C. Watts, quoted in this week's E.J. Dionne column [WP 1-26-09], cautioning his former Republican House mates on their approach to the new Administration: "Be careful how you throw eggs at this parade."

7) Hey Trotsky! Lighten up, dude. The Daily Kos' Markos Moulitsas goes after Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine for taking the DNC chair while remaining governor: "Running a party should be a full-time job, and anything less than that is not giving the job what it deserves." Something tells us that long before you were even born, there were guys (and gals) holding office, running the party, making a living and whatever else had to be done. Not a problem. Really. It's okay.

8) Yeah, I guess he was right: Eliot Cohen's thoughtful piece on government and punditry in last week's WSJ [1-23-09] begins: "'You become a political scientist,' a beloved teacher of mine once said, 'because you're either afraid of power, or fascinated by it.'"

9) Things you don't hear in Washington: Ms. Oprah (I could be a Senator if I wanted to but, I don't want to) Winfrey, to her television show guests the day before the Inauguration: "Don't we all feel like we are sort of vibrating?" "It's buzzing," offered Ashton Kutcher. "I'm shaking," said wife Demi.

10) Let's hope we never hear these three names in the same sentence again: According to political history scribes at the WP [1-22 & 1-23-09], President Obama now becomes the seventh president to have re-taken the oath of office for some reason or another. Also on the list, "Calvin Coolidge and Chester A. Arthur."

"Even Richard Nixon has got soul" - from Neil Young's "Campaigner"

2009-01-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

1) So long, it's been (somethin', somethin') to know you... Geez Georgie, there you were surrounded by staff and family, explaining the last eight years, and no sooner do you finish then ABC starts running an episode of "Scrubs." Ouch. It was almost like it didn't happen. Hey Georgie, when things calm down we'll catch up for lunch, okay. You take care now, Georgie.

2) "Here's a little ditty by a young dude named Yeats and it goes like this..." Blago Agonistes. C'mon, face it, you all know he's only guilty of one thing - political malpractice. Or, as former Louisiana Gov. Earl Long put it: "Don't write anything you can phone, don't phone anything you can talk face to face, don't talk anything you can smile, don't smile anything you can wink and don't wink anything you can nod." [Hey Mr. Prosecutor, good luck with that whole "jury of his peers" thing.]

3) Chauncey Gardiner goes to Washington (again): Seventy-one-year-old Roland Burris comes to town, stays cool, stares down his fellow Democrats, stays on message, and wins. Hey Harry Reid, we got your post-racial politics right here! Burris for Senate 2010.

4) Wasn't it called "Andersonville?" Conservative talking head Larry Schweikart, author of "48 Liberal Lies," on Fox 1-13-09: "If there was a Gitmo in his time, [President Abraham] Lincoln would not have shut it."

5) Pearls of Washington Wisdom #485: Former Nebraska Sen. Bob Kerrey explaining what it's like to be in the minority party in the Senate: "The chairman [of a committee] - especially with 58 to 59 in the voting caucus - drives the car and chooses the destination. The ranking [minority member] rides shotgun on a good day. On a bad day, he or she is in a carpool with the chairman's staff." [Wash. Post 1-13-09]

6) Forget "Political Science," let's just start calling it "Political Math": Jan Witold Baran, former general counsel to the RNC, explains a contested election: "The position of candidates in disputed elections depends on whether one is perceived as ahead or behind in the vote count. The tactic of someone who is ahead is to declare victory and create an air of inevitability. The tactic of someone behind is to cast doubt on the legitimacy of the opponent's claim." [Wash. Post 1-7-09]

7) Worst campaign slogan of the year so far: Terry McAuliffe's anouncement that he would be running for Governor of Virginia included the words "Yes, we can do it again this year."

8) R.I.P. former Rhode Island Sen. Claiborne Pell, at age 90: Diplomat, investment banker and wise old pol. A man from another time, back when you could truthfully utter the words, "I yield to the gentleman from Rhode Island." Looking back on his 1960 race for the Senate decades later, Pell recounted, "My opponent called me a cream puff...Well, I rushed out and got the bakers' union to endorse me."

9) From the "What passes for political commentary these days" Department: This whole Ann Coulter "thing" - Since when does anyone have to get their nose rubbed in the marketplace of ideas by someone who's never even gotten a street paved? Whatever happened to good old fashioned shunning? Quick, Food Channel, give her a cooking show!

10) What Lyndon knew and when he knew it: From the LBJ tapes archive [CBS News 12-4-08], the President calls VP Hubert Humphrey and urges him to pick Hawaii Sen. Daniel Inouye as his 1968 running mate: "He answers Vietnam with that empty sleeve. He answers your problems with Nixon with that empty sleeve. He has that brown face...The South can't get mad at him because he's colored. And he would appeal to every other minority because he is one." HHH replied that the move would, well, "I guess maybe it just takes me a little bit too far, too fast."

"You know, she and Jerry were a big thing. Like Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd." - Kosmo Kramer

2008-12-03T12:41:00.000-08:00

1)Is that all there is? Hey Gov. Richardson! Congrats on becoming Secretary of St...um, I mean, Secretary of Commerce...yeah, hey, it's not that much of a difference, ya know...still in the Cabinet and all, yep, hey, who needs all that press attention and international headaches and all anyway, right? Still, you know, wouldn't it be ironic if back in the spring Ob kinda thought you were a Judas too? I mean, I'm just sayin', that would be ironic!

2) Why we miss him: Former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, on Lame Duck sessions of Congress: "In my 35 years in Congress, I have probably been through 15 or 16 lame-duck sessions. They are always a mess, accomplish little or nothing and wind up being an embarassment to everybody. One time I think I got rolled by Newt and the House guys. And it was a mess." [NYT 11-21-08]

3) That's "K Street," with a "D": Peter Metzger, vice chair of recruiting firm CT Partners, on the rush for K Street lobbying forms to dump their GOP executives and hire Democratic staffers: "People who need to get something done know what the price of a drink is. This may sound teribbly Washington, but access trumps expertise." [WSJ 11-25-08] Yes, it does, but that's okay.

4) Remember when all you had to worry about was whether they paid taxes on the help? Among the possible contenders for a slot on the Federal Communications Commission in the new Obama Administration is University of Pennsylvania business professor Kevin Werbach, a self-professed player of the virtual-reality game, "World of Warcraft." According to Werbach, he plays bcause it's "fun" and "because I believe MMOGs [massively multiplayer online games] will be one of the primary forms of social software for the next decade." [NYPost 11-22-08] Hey Kevin, better keep this to yourself. Members of Congress are still trying to understand the concept of "bowling alone."

5) Best post-election commentary: Tom Korologos in the NYT [1-23-08], offering up his "Memo" to the incoming White House staff. Among his pointers, "If you feel you won't have time to talk when you return a call, place the call before 9 a.m., or during the lunch period, or after 6 p.m. Chances are good the caller will be out, but you will get credit for returning the call." So, politics is really just about life skills. I knew it!

6) Never let them see behind the curtain: "There are no illusions here." The comment of an anonymous insider on the appointment of former Biden COS Ted Kaufman to take the Senator's open Senate seat until the 2010 special election, when Joe Biden III will be free to run. Just as long as the Chair doesn't address him as "Senator place holder."

7) So we're guessing he's not running ever again: According to the WP's "In The Loop" column [WP 11-26-08], defeated Pennsylvania Rep. Phil English "shuttered his offices and has been turning away constituent work, even though he and his staff remain on the federal payroll until January," including abandoning the process of recommending candidates for the military service academies, leaving those young people and their parents hanging.

8) More evience that political skills are learned in high school: Henry Waxman dethrones John Dingell from Chair of the House Energy and Commerce Committee. As Rep. Mike Doyle (D., Pa.) explained, "You bumped into a lot of freshmen who said Mr. Waxman was very good to them. The freshman and the sophomore class didn't know John or had never served with him. It's a sad ending for someone who's given so much of his life to the Democratic Party, the Congress and the country. He deserved better." [NYT 11-23-08] Or, as Rep. Marcy Kaptur (D., Ohio) put it: "Right at the moment I'm weeping for the heartland. It's Hollywood versus Detroit - I mean, think about it." [WSJ 11-21-08]

9) So, you get that's sort of why you lost, right? John Raese, GOP opponent who failed to defeat West Virginia Sen. Robert C. Byrd in 2006: "Seemed like when we were in our campaign bus, and every highway and road was named after him - that's a lot of advertising." [WP 11-20-08]

10) Life in the other Democracies: After Polish Foreign Minister Radek Sikorski was quoted as saying "Have you heard that Obama may have a Polish connection? His grandfather ate a Polish missionary," a spokesperson for the Polish foreign office explained, "Mr. Sikorski did not tell a racist joke. He was only giving an example of the unpalatable and racist 'jokes' that surround President Elect Obama." [Telegraph.co.uk 11-18-08]

Team of Rivals? More like the time the Bowery Boys went into business with the Plug Uglies. Or when Lyndon had that talk with Hubert

2008-11-17T19:41:00.000-08:00

1) The Queen's Gambit: What an excellent opening move. Don't look into their eyes! Just ride along on the artistry of the thought processes. Like jazz, if you have to have politics explained to you, you'll never understand.

2) Post-Post-Post-Modern Politics: Interviewed 11-10-08 on Fox News, Gov. Sarah Palin says, "I consider myself too a feminist. Whatever that means." Please someone, hurry with that book deal.

3) Rudy Loses Mojo: Speaking in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, this week, Rudy Giuliani says he will consider the New York governor's race and won't rule out running for president again. Hey man, thanks for letting us know. But don't you think you should be home in like, let's says, Elmira, talkin' about these things of ours? Did anyone catch you on camera there? With a lot of suits and robes? I'm just sayin', it might make for a good campaign spot for somebody.

4) So, like so much else in this life, you have to have a taste for it: Fomer Carmel, California, Mayor Clint Eastwood, on running for office in the future: "Not a chance. I enjoyed being mayor of Carmel, but you do see that it is very difficult to get things done. You just have to lose your soul. You have to BS people. You have to deal with people you don't care for and will never be friends with, so you kind of sell yourself out to be a politician. You have to kiss it up with the world. That ain't my style."[NYP 11-9-08]

5) Hurry Sundown: Karl Rove's "History Favors Republicans in 2010" [WSJ 11-13-8] had us perk up our ears to listen. Pretty good until you get to the start of the last graph: "In politics, good years follow bad years." Uh, excuse us giant brain, but you haven't been reading your Francis Fukuyama. You see, there was this election in 2006, and, well..........

6) The answer to the question, "Are today's presidential campaigns just too darn long?" Michael Barone, speaking to a post-election crowd at the Palmer House Hilton in Chicago [Politico.com 11-11-08]: "The liberal media attacked Sarah Palin because she did not abort her Down syndrome baby. They wanted her to kill that child....I'm talking about my media colleagues with whom I've worked for 35 years." Or as Kevin McCarthy put it in the original "Invasion of the Body Snatchers, "They're here! They're here I tell you! They're here!"

7) Honey, do you want the Hungry Man Meat Loaf tonight or this stack of twenties? A tip of the hat to Louisiana's Rep. Wiliam Jefferson, who, although under indictment on bribery charges, won enough votes to avoid a runoff. Hello 10th term! You know, it really is true what they tell you about the importance of constituent service.

8) Hey Ralphie! Ralphie! What've you been up to? Ralph Nader has requested that President-elect Barack Obama allow third-party presidential candidates - himself, Bob Barr of the Libertarian Party, Chuck Baldwin of the Constitution Party, and Cynthia McKinney of the Green Party - to be included in the inaugural festivities. Hey Raphie! Just who should pay for that? According to Nader, "In other Western European countries, it's a political courtesy to have their competitors. It's a demonstration of unity." Hey Ralphie, nice try, but you know, if he invites you he's gotta invite Alan Keyes and whatnot, and then it just get's silly. I know you understand. [WP 11-14-08]

9) Best shot from the hip explaining why Sarah Palin can't go away: Veteran GOP California operative and now head of the University of Southern California's Institute of Politics, Dan Schnur, to the WP's Howard Kurtz [11-13-08]: "Feed the media beast or it's going to feed on you."

10) Most inspiring line of the week: Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, speaking to his fellow GOP governors in Miami [Politico.com]: "I have looked down at the grave of the Republican Party and this ain't it. I've seen it a lot worse." I'm sorry, but that's the kind of thing you tell Clyde Barrow when he asks, "Tell me Doc, how bad is it?"

Brother, can you paradigm?

2008-11-07T14:54:00.000-08:00

1) There's something happenin' here: Exit polls from Tuesday's landslide report that voters still willing to call themselves "Republican" dropped to just 32% this year, down 5% from 2004. At the same time, self-professed Democrats rose over the same time frame to 40% from 37%. Or as Robert Borosage, co-director of the Campaign for America's Future [and the brain behind Jesse Jackson's 1988 presidential bid] said this week [Politico 11-7-08], "This is the end of the conservative era." Pat Buchanam said the same thing election night: “I think this is the end of the conservative era.” When two ends of the spectrum agree.....

2) Bow your heads! Sen. Robert Byrd has decided to step down from the chairmanship of the Senate Appropriations Committee, saying, "To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven. Those Biblical words from Ecclesiastes 3:1 express my feelings about this particular time in my life." At least he'll still be on the floor to tell us about Rome, Cicero and his canine companion, "Trouble." How soon before there are no more "giants" in this world's most exclusive club?

3) Nutbush City Limits: So Sarah Palin enters a pre-convention St. Paul hotel room meeting with Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter dressed only in a towel and instructs them to "talk to Todd" until she gets dressed. And then, post-election says, "I don't think anybody should give Sarah Palin that much credit that I would trump an economic, woeful time in this nation that occurred about two months ago... and attribute John McCain's loss to me." [NYDN 11-6-08] Two months ago? Hey, you gotta admit it would have been entertaining.

4) I ain't got no home: Poor "Lonesome Joe" Lieberman. Reduced to having to beg for his chairmanship. Joe, in the weeks ahead, some advice - If a fellow Senator tells you your fly's open, don't look down. Even if it is. And remember, it was never business. It was always personal.

5) They said there's gotta be a recount, I said, "No, no, no." Sen. Norm Coleman leads by only 336 votes, which automaticaly kicks in the state recount, but still has proclaimed victory twice this week. When you got it baby, flaunt it. At least for now.

6) Does somebody have a shield to carry this man outta here? Connecticut Rep. Chris Shays, the last GOP MOC from the Northeast, went down to defeat this week. Said Shays, "I thought I could win, but I always knew I could lose, and I think I had this intuition that I would be killed on the battlefield. I didn't want to retire and be handed some flowers." [NYT 11-6-08]

7) Worst reelection endorsement ever this year: Alaska Rep. Don Young, shilling for Sen. Ted Stevens, said, "I can remember Richard Nixon, you know, his years of service, what he's done, and everybody [was] ridiculing him, and he ended up being the greatest president in the history of our century...The senator will be re-elected. He will appeal it. When he does go, he will win it because there's no way this is a jury of his peers" [WP 11-31-08] Of course, in his last days on the campaign trail the convicted Stevens said, "I have not been convicted of anything yet." So go figure.

8) When you're on the losing end: Campaigning for John McCain just days before the election, House Minority Leader John Boehner criticized Barack Obama's "present" votes when he was in the state legislature, telling a crowd, "In Congress, we have a red button, a green button and a yellow button, alright. Green means 'yes,' red means 'no,' and yellow means you're a chicken shit. And the last thing we need in the White House, in the oval office, behind that big desk, is some chicken who wants to push his yellow button." Six days later, Boehner said of Obama's decision to make Rahm Emanuel his chief of staff, "This is an ironc choice for a president-elect who has promised to change Washington, make politics more civil, and govern from the center."

9) Shouldn't you be doing something important? Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi called President-elect Obama "young, handsome and even tanned." Hey pal, don't you have a lady friend to go see? At least our administrations tend to last from four to eight years. It's 3:00 p.m., isn't it time for your government to fall and reorganize again this week?

10) Great timing: The WSJ chose Election Day to run a front-page piece about academics who think President Herbert Hoover has been getting a bum rap. Said one, "[He is] the most misunderstood and the most underappreciated president." You and Don Young should get together.

Vote early and vote often

2008-10-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

1) Politics 103: When defining your opponent, remember to pick a metaphor, symbol or image and just stick with it: Now McC has settled on calling Ob "the redistributor." Hey, is that something under the hood? I think mine is loose. Hey! The wheels came off my narrative! Quick, change the McC campaign theme to "I got a foggy notion." Lou Reed will never know.

2) He can be whatever you want him to be this time around: In response to Chris Matthews asking if he thought Obama was a "Marxist," former Texas Rep. Tom DeLay gave the kind of weak affirmative response that suggested he would have said "yes" had Matthews asked if he thought Obama was really a "Martian." In fact, maybe that's what he heard.

3) When do they "go to ground?" First a McC staffer complains that Gov. Sarah is "going rogue." Then former Bushite, Peter Wehner [WP 10-22-08] suggests that on the run GOP politicians have "gone native." Is this an election or a failed intelligence operation? Who's in charge of "walking back the cat" come Nov. 5th?

4) They can't both be right, can they????!!!! First the GOP House and Senate candidates begin to push the argument that you've got to send them back to Washington to prevent "one party rule." Then McC argues that he must win to prevent "one party rule." It's getting crowded under that bus. Note to McC: Stop calling Obama, [Nancy] Pelosi and [Harry] Reid "a dangerous threesome." When people hear that term they think Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty and Gary Busey. Meet them on your MySpace page.

5) Folks who really are on the "pay-no-mind list": Ralph Nader announced this week that he has set a new record for the most campaign speches delivered in a single day. According to Ralphie Boy, he has delivered 255 minutes of speeches in 21 Massachusetts towns all on the same day. Geez, that's great Ralphie, great. Now, how many Coney Island dogs can you eat in one sitting? And hey, what have you been up to lately?

6) Why Washington gets a bad name: From a WP "Style" section piece [10-26-08] on "How Washinton Plays the Shame Game," suggesting that "It really is hard to know everything you're supposed to know here in a town that incessantly name-drops and bill-drops and amendment-drops, where even the wonkiest among us can be outwonked." Among its anecdotes, a young woman embarassed by meeting a congresswoman who informs her: "I am a congresswoman from your home state. You should know who I am." Oh really??? In the old days, that faux pas would have been your fault congresswoman. You know, not doing a very good job of getting yourself well known and all.

7) The 2008 "Don't play with me or you're playin' with fire" Award for Political Advertising: Goes to North Carolina State Sen. Kay Hagan for her quick retort to U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Dole's TV spot suggesting that Hagan takes money from atheists and believes 'There is no god." In her response, Hagan counters that "I believe in God," has taught Sunday School and that her campaign is about 'creating jobs...not bearing false witness against fellow Christians." Ouch! Hey Liddy, maybe you should have run that one by Bob first.

8) Worst Closing Presidential Television Spot of 2008: To McC for his parade of "normal" folk all proclaiming, face to the camera, "I'm Joe the Plumber." "I'm Spartacus!" this ain't. Not in resonance nor in (gulp) nobility of purpose. Just juvenile yapping. Hey, where's our book and record deals??!!! Hey, why not just go the Reinhold Niebuhr route, you know, "First they came for Joe the Plumber......."

9) MAAAA!!!! We're workin' down here!!!!!!!!: Moments after Ob delivers his 30-minute "closer" spectacular, Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller spend the next 15 minutes arguing over the Sarah Palin doll hanging in effigy on the front porch of a West Hollywood home's Halloween display. Says Miller, "West LA is a tricky place." Yeah, well, there's no need to get graphic here.

10) Roger Clinton, call your office: According to the Washington Post [10-26-08], McC's younger brother Joe, 66, apologized for cursing at a 911 dispatcher after being caught up in a traffic jam on a local bridge. Earlier in October, while out on the campaign trail for his brother, he referred to Virginia's Northern, Alexandria and Arlington Counties as "Communist country."

What's an election for, if it isn't to divide people? - Vice President Spiro T. Agnew

2008-10-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

1) "See you in Napa!" is no way to rev up the troops: Speaking at a joint appearance at the National Press Club this week, DSCC Chair Chuck Schumer predicted that it was "possible" for Dems to hit the 60-seat mark in the Senate. His counterpart, John Ensign, chair of the GOP's Senate campaign committee, conceded that "it's also possible that, you know, [Republicans] end up with 44, 45, 46 votes left in the U.S. Senate." As for his post-election plans, Ensign said, "I'm taking my wife to Napa Valley. And so we'll either be able to celebrate or drown our sorrows." [Politico.com 10-21-08]

2) Remember when candidates quoted Lincoln and Jefferson? Gov. Sarah Palin, on CNN [10-21-08], "I'm not going to call [Obama] a socialist, but as Joe the Plumber suggested...."

3) Speaking of which: New philosopher king Joe "the plumber" Wurzelbacher, speaking to CBS Evening News anchor Katie Couric, described Obama's original answer to his question as a "tap dance" which was "almost as good as Sammy Davis Jr." Hey Joe, where you goin' with that wrench in your hand?

4) Things you haven't seen in the NYT in a long while: Interviewing voters down in Mobile, Alabama, NYT reporter Adam Nossiter [NYT 10-15-08] quotes one James Halsey, described as a part of an environmental cleanup crew standing in a Wal-Mart parking lot, as saying of Obama, "He's going to tear up the rose bushes and plant a watermelon patch" at the White House. Another voter interviewed, Ricky Thompson of Mobile, said of the Democrat, "He's neither-nor. He's other. It's in the Bible. Come as one. Don't create other breeds." Uhhhh....I don't feel so good......

5) Our slacker brothers and sisters to the north: Voter turnout for Canada's general election last week was the lowest ever recorded. Just 59.1 percent of eligible voters made it to the polls, breaking the previous low turnout record of just under 61 percent set back in 2004. Come on, if you try you can get below 50 in 2012! Choad!! [Yahoo! Canada News 10-15-08]

6) Uh oh, somebody woke up Tom Hagen: Speaking at a GOP fundraiser last week, actor Robert Duvall lambasted "the super-nerd George - what's his name? George Wills..[sic]..and Tommy Thompson. The original block of wood," for their criticism of the McC/Palin ticket. [WP 10-15-08]

7) From the "Ten things I hate about you" desk: Peggy Noonan, on Sarah Palin [WSJ 10-18-08]: "But we have seen Mrs. Palin on the national stage for seven weeks now, and there is little sign that she has the tools, the equipment, the knowledge or the philosophical grounding one hopes for, and expects, in a holder of high office. She is a person of great ambition, but the question remains: What is the purpose of the ambition?" Peggy, let's face it, we all can't be expected to have philosophical groundings, now, can we?

8) God only knows: Lori Lipman Brown, director of the aetheist lobbying group, Secular Coalition of America, bemoans the lack of aetheist participation in American politics. "We should have a base of at least 30 million Americans to work with. And yet those who are active are a much smaller percentage. We're probably looking at just a few hundred thousand active participants. It's hard to even quantify." [NYT 10-18-08] Maybe you can call for a meeting after church in the basem....oh, sorry, that won't work....let's see, where do they congregate?

9) How to lose your seat without even trying: First Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann tells Chris Matthews that Ob "may have anti-American views" and calls for the news media to investigate her fellow members of Congress to find out, "Are they pro-America or anti-America?" [MSNBC "Hardball" 10-17-08] Then North Carolina Rep. Robin Hayes tells a crowd that "liberals hate real Americans that work and accomplish and achieve and believe in God." [Politico.com 10-21-08] Then the money pours in and both are on the run. I guess HUAC ain't comin' 'round anytime soon.

10) So they're like most folks, huh? Veteran political reporter Jeff Greenfield, explaining why the press is talking the way they are about the presidential race: "One piece of press bias is they don't like losers. When the whiff of defeat surrounds a campaign, the press picks up on it the way sharks smell blood in the water, and then it becomes a feedback loop." [WP 10-20-08]

As all students of politics know, whether they read Sun Tzu or listen to Stevie Wonder, it's essential to take "higher ground" and hold it.

2008-10-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

1) Why the founders had the foresight to seperate Church and State: Former pastor Arnold Conrad of the Grace Evangelical Free Church of Davenport, Iowa, prayed to God this week for a McCain win: "There are millions of people around this world praying to their god - whether it's Hindu, Buddha, Allah - that [McCain's] opponent wins, for a variety of reasons. And Lord, I pray that you will guard your own reputation, because they're going to think that their God is bigger than you, if that happens." Lookin' out for God's street rep, huh? Dude, do you think Buddha really cares who wins the U.S. presidency? Although we understand that he is trying to get Shiva to take the over/under on total Electoral votes.

2) Custer notes that it's a sunny day: McC, on the eve of the third and final presidential debate: "My friends, we've got them just where we want them." Time to "unleash Chang," my friend. [Check with 41 about this.]

3) The passing of a pro: John R. Reilly, 80, Democratic party operative from the time of the Kennedys right up until today, of cancer at the Washington Home Hospice. He was the guy who went upstairs to tell Geraldine Ferraro that she was Mondale's choice. As he once observed to Newsweek, he had hit the "third stage" of political notoriety: "First, 'Who is John Reilly?' Then, 'Get me John Reilly.' Next, 'Get me a John Reilly.' And then: 'John Reilly - who's he?'" [WP 10-14-08]

4) From the "Folks who don't take politics seriously," Department: New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, on his rift with Bill Clinton: "Have I heard from President Clinton? No. It could be pretty much a permanent fissure. But that's politics: that's O.K. I did what I thought was best for the country. I'm still very fond of the Clintons. I've reconciled with her, but with him, he wants to keep a grudge, that's fine with me. I move on. I'm governor of New Mexico. I'm happy where I am." Cool. When's your term up? [NYT 10-10-08]

5) Uh, Uh, I've got to do my hair that night: Florida Gov. Charlie Crist tells the McC crew that he'll help out when his schedule permits. Geez, Charlie, and after going and getting engaged and all that. Hey, do you think that when Skynyrd sang "Ooh, ohh that smell, can't you smell that smell?" they were talking about the losing end?

6) Wasilla Sleigh Ride: Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin braves the ice to start a Philly Flyers game last week, weathers the boos and the catcalls, despite dressing her little one in a Flyers jersey. Can 20,000 Philadelphia hockey fans be wrong? The next day she enters her own private Twilight Zone, explaining that she was cleared of any ethical wronging in the Troopergate story although the state report found her guilty of ethical wrongdoing. Kafka, call your office. [Hey Sarah, when you keep saying, "America, we cannot just afford another big spender in the White House," you are comparing Ob to the current President, right?]

7) You know, that "Give us Barrabus" thing had a bad end: McC Campaign Manager Rick Davis on the angry crowds at McC and Palin events: "I don't think it's that big a deal. I think political rallies have always attracted people who have an emotional connection to the outcome of an election."[NYT 10-11-08]

8) No, no, how about we hook them up to batteries for electroshock to be administered by the viewing audience?: Indiana 9th District GOP Party Chair Larry Shickles called for Democratic Rep. Baron Hill, his GOP challenger Mike Sodrel, and Libertarian candidate Eric Schansberg all to be hooked up to polygraph machines for their upcoming debate on October 21st. Sodrel and Schansberg agreed. Hill is apparently still sane.

9) Where you been? Headline on the front page of the Washington Post 10-12-08: "Issue of Race Creeps Into Campaign."

10) What money makes you say: On Karl Rove being paid gobs of money to speak to audiences, his new Fox News colleague Howard Wolfson, former honcho of the Hillary for President Campaign, said, "There is an incredible amount of interest in what Karl Rove has to say." [NYT 10-11-08]

When you believe in things that you don't understand: The return of the Know Nothings!

2008-10-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

1) Remember, a wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse: So many thanks to Gov. Palin for correcting Joe Biden in last week's debate. Joe, the mobs don't shout "Drill! Drill! Drill!" "The chant is drill, baby, drill." Where would we be without her?

2) What politics can learn from sports: When the Baltimore Colts left town it was under cover of darkness and moving as quietly as possible. When McC left Michigan he issued his own press release. Or as the GOP's former Yoda, Karl Rove, explained, "Some of the best strategies are the strategies that you don't draw attention to." [NYP 10-05-08] Or, "Leave Michigan so soon you should not." [Special aside to the Governor, "Yes, Sarah, we have to."]

3) Things (and people) that don't exist any more: Testy ol' McC to The Des Moines Register's ed board: "Realllyyy????? I haven't detected that in the polls; I haven't detected that among the base. If there's a Georgetown cocktail party person who, quote, calls himself a conservative who doesn't like her, good luck."

4) Learned Hand #1: The Bard of Michigan politics, Bill Ballenger, editor of his Inside Michigan Politics newsletter, on the McC withdrawal: "I have never seen this in a presidential election at any time, in the last 50 years." [USA Today 10-03-08]

5) Learned Hand #2: A tie between two veteran GOP veteran gurus, Jan van Lohuizen ["The crisis has affected the entire ticket. The worse the state's economy, the greater the impact."] and Neil Newhouse ["The bailout crisis has had a corrosive effect on the national political environment, and that impacts not just John McCain, but GOP candidates up and down the ticket."] [WP 10-04-08]

6) I KNEW IT!!!! Political scientist Gary C. Jacobson, UC San Diego, proclaims: "Party identification is part of your social identity, in the same way you relate to your religion or ethnic group or baseball team." [WP 9-29-08] Someone please cue "Us and Them."

7) Another reason mail-in ballots are catching on: According to an article in the latest Journal of the American Medical Association, on average, 24 more people died in automobile crashes during voting hours on presidential Election Days than on other Tuesdays in October or November. An 18% increase in risk of death. The study looked at traffic fatalities going back to 1976. [NYP 10-01-08]

8) And this week's award for best political writing goes to: The late Marjorie Williams, whose latest collection of writings was assembled by husband Timothy Noah. From Reputation: Portraits in Power: "Washington is not the only city that lauds and rewards a gifted manager. But only Washington, gazing on that package of skill, energy, calculation, and discipline that constitutes the successful 'player,' insists on calling it virtue." Reviewed by David M. Shribman in last Friday's WSJ [WSJ 10-03-08]

9) Mudcat Saunders explains the world (again): On Mark Warner's success in Virginia, first as Democratic Governor, and now as forthcoming Democratic U.S. Senator: "Mark Warner has become part of the culture. We accept him as part of who we are, if for no other reason - God damn, he got V.P.I. into the A.C.C.! I mean, it's a big damned deal." [The New Yorker 10-06-08]

10) The latest Maytag Repairwoman of GOP politics: Christine O'Donnell, the Republican candidate challenging Joe Biden in his Senate reelection bid in Delaware this year. [He's running simultaneously for veep and for reelection to his seat.] Says Christine, who can't manage to engage her opponent, "He doesn't have any signs up, billboards up or stickers." [Politico.com 10-04-08] She has been endorsed by Buzz Aldrin.

American politics, in essence, remains a math problem. Do you have the votes?

2008-09-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

1) Hey McC! What's in your wallet? "If there is a deal with the House involved, it's because of John McCain." Sen. Lindsey Graham (R., S.C.) in the WP [9-27-08]. So now that the deal fails, what's that say? Huh? Speak up.

2) Politics 302: Humility goes a long way in politics. Sarah Palin to Katie Couric (CBS Evening News 9-30-08), contrasting herself with Joe Biden's three decades of experience: "I'm the new energy. The new face. The new ideas." Never believe your own hype.

3) Last week's financial crisis debacle in a nutshell: Dana Milbank [WP 9-26-08], describing the scene among House Republicans after McC's announcement that he was suspending the campaign and heading to D.C. :"'Daddy's coming home!" joked one.'"

4) What those debates are really like: Jim Lehrer, who has moderated more presidential debates than any other living being, on the tension at the scene: "You can smell it. It's under your arms and in your toes. It is extraordinary what these guys go through." Jim, they have stuff for that now. See your pharmacist.

5) AAAAHHHHH!!! It's him!!!! Commenting on the first '08 presidential debate for The Huffington Post, Bob Shrum said, "Tonight I think we know who the next president will be." Can't somebody get him work in France or something?

6) Bill Agonistes: Appearing on CNN's "Larry King Live" last week, President Bill Clinton explained that he would campaign for Obama after his Clinton Global Initiative ended and after "the Jewish holidays."He added that when he campaigned in Florida he may be assigned to "sort of hustle up what Lawton Chiles used to call the 'cracker vote' there." Following Clinton's appearance on NBC's "The Late Show" the previous night, Chris Rock said to David Letterman, "Is it me, or he didn't want to say the name Barack Obama?"

7) Dumbest column on the McCain decision to suspend his campaign: And the Award goes to Dick Morris and Eileen McGann [NYP 9-25-08], calling it a "bold move" that "helps the country, too." It gets better. "McCain's power in the current situation comes from a simple fact - he, not Obama, can cut the deal by getting President Bush and Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson to back a 'bailout plus' bill." Dude, have any American candidates since Clinton actually paid for your advice?

8) Across the great divide: Rep. Alcee Hastings (D., Florida), in comments to a gathering sponsored by the National Jewish Democratic Council, "If Sarah Palin isn't enough of a reason for you to get over whatever your problem is with Barak Obama, then you damn well had better pay attention. Anybody toting guns and stripping moose don't care too much about what they do with Jews and blacks. So, you just think this through." [ABC News 9-24-08]

9) What was it, parent-teacher night at CBS? Something strange about McC's joint apearance with Sarah Palin before Katie Couric this week to clear up a few things. Kind of like your dad coming down to set that troublesome grade school teacher straight. "And while were at it, you're giving her too much homework, too."

10) Letting his inner Ed Rollins play out: Ed Rollins, to the NYT [9-28-08], "This isn't a lame-duck administration. This is a dead-duck administration."

"Finance is a gun. Politics is knowing when to pull the trigger." - Don Lucchesi, Godfather III

2008-09-23T15:50:00.000-07:00

1) Yale Economics: "I decided to act and act boldly. Turns out there's a lot of inter, inter links between the financial system." President George Bush, in the Rose Garden last week. For a similar take, consider the words of "Floyd the Barber" on "The Andy Griffith Show" - "Hey Andy! Did you see that new laundromat up in Mount Pilot? She's a real beauty Andy, a real beauty."

2) How To Do Politics: Chapter 24: Former Secretary of State James A. Baker, on CNN's roundtable of former Secretaries of State [9-20-08], on the Iranian problem: "I think a well-placed, quite private phone call" would be the right approach. Is there any other kind?

3) Ya think? The New York Post's Charles Hurt, suggesting last week that Speaker Nancy Pelosi would depose Charlie Rangel and describing Charlie: "He's perhaps Pelosi's highest-profile committee chairman."

4) Lady de Rothschild feels your pain: Endorsing McC on CNN last week, Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild, she of the Rothschilds, explained away her sudden split from the party of Hillary by proclaiming that the Dems had developed a bad reputation "with the likes of Adlai Stevenson" and others as their presidential candidates. So Lynn, did Barack do too much organizing down at your local community center, or what?

5) There's politics and there's business. Do we really need any more proof? Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, touting McC by explaining that neither he nor alas, poor Sarah, were CEO material. Yikes! So Carly, what exactly were those political plans of yours?

6) Or as Charlie Peters put it - "How Washington really works" WSJ reporter Elizabeth Williamson, writing about what the top Washington lobbyists for the financial services industry are up to: "It is the 'dirty little secret in town,' said one financial-services lobbyist - that after lambasting lobbyists on the stump, the candidates need their counsel on how to respond to a crisis with origins too complicated for most industry outsiders to understand."[9-19-08]

7) This better turn out to be a really good scene in Woodward's next book: On the crisis meeting with Secty. Paulson, Chuck Schumer says, "When you listened to them describe it, you gulped." And Chris Dodd says, "We have never heard language like this." Please, somebody, give us the full quote already.

8) "Political Turmoil in Thailand Boosts Business for Astrologers" That's a headline from last week's WSJ [9-15-08], explaining that after "two years of political unrest," everyone in Bangkok is running to astrologers for a look into their fortunes, including former "billionaire prime minister" Thaksin Shinawatra, who says that he "frequently refers to the alignment of the stars." Of course he was deposed in a 2006 coup so, you know,............

9) A sacred practice lives on: According to a report in The Guardian [9-15-08], at least six Brazilian political candidates, on the ballot in October's municipal elections, have chosen to run under the now-popular name, "Barack Obama." Brazilian election law allows candidates to run under assumed names. Cool! What a system! [Of course, we cannot in good conscience speak of this subject [changing your ballot name] without bowing our heads in homage to an American master of the technique - Johnston, Rhode Island, Town Administrator Mario R. Russillo, who passed away on March 10, 2001. Running for office in 1964 and recognizing the importance of ballot position, Mario changed his name to "aRussillo." Challenged for reelection four years later by a wiseguy named "aRusso," Mario one-upped with "aaRussillo" and won another term.]

10) Who's more bitter: “I believe that the president is exhausted and the vice president has been marginalized, and what you now have is the Washington interests…dominating the administration. We have now launched big-government Republicanism.”
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich on the federal bail-out of Wall Street
Or...
"For McCain, politics is always operatic, pitting people who agree with him against those who are 'corrupt' or 'betray the public's trust,' two categories that seem to be exhaustive - there are no other people." George F. Will [WP 9-23-08]

The Secret of American Politics: No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be, The only one for me is you, and you for me, So happy together

2008-09-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

1) See Scott and Sarah run a state: Since when did the 2008 presidential race become Roman Hruska's revenge? "Quit it, Todd!!" The First Dude, indeed.

2) You might want to check with the late John Tower about that: Fred Thompson on the stump last week for Sarah Palin: "This woman has undergone the most vicious assault we've ever seen in public life." [MSNBC 9-10-08]

3) Check out the big brain on Bob: Bob Barr backs out of the third-party-unity movement before it starts, saying, "This is not a time, as Dante Alighieri said many years ago, to remain neutral....To paraphrase him, woe be unto those who remain neutral." You know, the "epic poem fan" vote has pretty much gone to hell in recent cycles.

4) Drop everything: And read today's Norman J. Ornstein op-ed in the Wash Post (9-15-08). Commenting on the skills that the next president will need to bring "change" to Washington, Ornstein says, "That kind of consensus is forged through the political process. It's done by finding allies and building coalitions via intense bargaining and politicking. The skills needed are far more likely to be possessed by Washington insiders than iconoclastic outside reformers." Go insiders!

5) Livin' in the future: Why do we foresee a Palin presidency as ominous? Some weird mix of "Wild in the Streets" and "Advise and Consent." But then again, there was that whole Agnew thing.

6) How we lived before MySpace: Commenting on the fact that Sen. McC often hugs Gov. Palin on the trail, Democrat Geraldine Ferraro explained that she and Vice President Walter Mondale never touched while campaigning together because they didn't want people to think they "were dating."Never crossed our mind. Honest.

7) Why American politics ain't what it used to be: Chuck Norris is the guest on CNN's "Larry King Live" last week to comment on the presidential race. Chuck was also hawking his new tome, "Black Belt Politics." He says he's studied our problems and has come up with the answers. Uh oh.

8) Get me Jack Germond! Stat! We knew this would be the ultimate consequence of Gov. Bill Clinton appearing in People magazine way back when. Now "The View's" Joy Behar trips up McC on his ads - "We know that those two ads are untrue." And "TMZ" shows Biden gaffes! We can hardly wait to see Mary Hart explain the electoral college. That comes on Nov. 5th.

9) Politics 101: "The correct way to eat crow": Alaskan Sen. Lisa Murkowski's comments on Sarah Palin went largely unmentioned during the GOP convention except by one short note in the NYT [9-4-08]. Frank's daughter said, "It is an absolute historic moment for the state of Alaska. People need to know how excited people here, in this convention hall, are about Sarah, our Sarah." Well done.

10) Why don't these people ever run for County Commissioner first? In one of the more surreal moments on CNN's "Lou Dobbs" in recent memory, Lou banged the gong again about the need to overturn the convictions of two U.S. Border Patrol agents, turning to guest Chuck Baldwin, Constitution Party presidential candidate, and asking what viewers can do to help. Baldwin replies that they can "vote for me" and the first thing he'll do as President is to commute their sentences. Okay Chuck, so what else can they do?

vet (vet) v. 1 to find nasty secrets before they find you/Remember to vet her.

2008-09-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

1) Remember this come the morning of Nov. 5th: If McC wins the election, "Sarah Palin may be the vice president, but Joe Lieberman and Lindsey Graham, that's the kitchen cabinet." Chuck Todd, MSNBC [9-2-08]

2) The new journalism is a lot like the old math: So the Daily Kos lets anybody post anything. Or as Markos Moulitsas said, "I feel a little weird about the questions being asked, but I also feel a little weird about saying, 'Shut up, people.' It takes a lot for me to step in and squash what's on Daily Kos." [WP 9-2-08] Just think for a moment, what if it was all a set up. But that would be really deep politics now, wouldn't it? And let's not even go there. Still....

3) Hey Joe, where you runnin' with that speech in your hand? Will there be retribution for Lieberman's sins? Guess it all depends on how those Senate races go. But something tells me his parking space may be moved down a few levels. And his office might get replastered and painted. Like once a week.

4) I see politics future: Check out the new Maytag Repairman commercial where he emerges from a voting booth with a bunch of mangled punch cards, hanging chads and all and tells everyone he fixed the jam in the machine.

5) When ya got the podium, flaunt it baby, flaunt it: Rudy so loved the applause that he went long and bumped the Sarah Palin bio film. Great to be back on the boards, right Rudy? But now it's gone.

6) Hot mic! Hot mic! Comin' thru here! Hot mic! Special thanks to Peggy Noonan and Mike Murphy for putting the pageantry in perspective. Noonan: "The most qualified? No. I think they went for this - excuse me - political bullshit about narratives." Murphy: "The greatness of McCain is no cynicism, and this is cynical." [Politico.com 9-3-08]

7) My opponent has masticated a snail, I tell you! Mike Huckabee, during his GOP convention speech [9-3-08], said that he wasn't bothered by Ob going to Europe, but that "It's what he brought back. European ideas!" that really got him going. Is this about that whole kissing thing or what?

8) So Tony says to Paulie.....: Kudos to New Jersey Rep. Rob Andrews. Loses that dumb Senate primary try in June but has his wife run for, and win, the nomination for his House seat. Now pulls the old switcheroo and he's back in the saddle. Webster's should just list "New Jersey" as one of the definitions for the word "politics." You make us all proud, Rob.

9) Wha? Huh? Wha?: Veteran GOP pollster/strategist Whit Ayres on why this year's GOP convention's sarcastic tone was nothing like the 1988 GOP convention's culture war: "There is a difference between sarcasm toward individuals and sneering toward an entire group of people." [NYT 9-5-08]

10) Why politics and business are different: Look no further than the GOP convention speeches of former business execs Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman. Hey, are they still talking? What day is it? Is it over?

"The Whole World is Texting! The Whole World is Texting!"

2008-08-29T14:12:00.000-07:00

1) Moose Burgers All Around! Hey McC, you sure did change the conversation, but then again, so will a bad connection. What was all that talk about needing to be "comfortable" with your pick? This is like bringing a stranger to a house party. Everybody wants to be nice to her but who the heck is she? Hey, is that Mitt over there?

2) Don't they have Cable? 38 million-plus sets are tuned to the OB acceptance speech but President Bush says he didn't watch it. I'm sorry, but that's like Heather Mills saying she didn't listen to the new McCartney album. Did you really have something else to do? Oh yeah, past your bedtime and all that. Will you stay up for McC?

3) "I hear hurricanes ablowing. I know the end is coming soon." Talk about a conversation changer. Gustav arrives as the GOP convention opens. You can't make this stuff up.

4) We are all Scrantonians! The question, "How's it playing in Scranton?" is suddenly in vogue again. In the old days it referred to stage plays that were maybe Broadway bound - Scranton was the last stop before the Big Apple. Now, it means something entirely different. Meet me at Coney Island Lunch!

5) Is that all there is? Michael Dukakis, 74 years old, at the Denver convention this week: "Losers are not delegates. They invite us, we wave, everybody cheers, we sit down....They do give us five extra tickets." [NYDN 8-26-08]

6) Two trains leave Denver traveling at 100 miles an hour..... President Clinton in Denver - two days before his speech - speaking to a group of visiting foreign dignitaries: "Suppose you're a voter, and you've got candidate X and candidate Y. Candidate X agrees with you on everything, but you don't think that candidate can deliver on anything at all. Candidate Y you agree with on about half the issues, but he can deliver. Which candidate are you going to vote for?" After realizing he was at the convention, he added, "This has nothing to do with what's going on now." Bill, please!

7) Most awkward scene since Richard Nixon hugged Sammy Davis Jr.: McC, at a Phoenix high school rally, accepts the endorsement of reggae singer "Daddy Yankee," and says, "I just want to say thank you, Daddy Yankee."

8) Is that a first-person shooter game? Historian Allan Lichtman and geophysicist Vladimir Keilis-Borok have developed their "Quake" model of predicting presidential elections. Says Lichtman, "We reconceptualized presidential politics in geophysical terms. We didn't look at it as Reagan versus Carter or Republicans versus Democrats or liberals versus conservatives. Rather, we looked at elections as stability versus upheavals." [WP 8-25-08] Well, where's the fun in that?

9) Best quote of the week: Tom Daschle: "In politics, only the paranoid survive."[NYT 8-26-08]

10) Best factoid unearthed by endless media references to 1968 Democratic Convention: MC5's Wayne Kramer is alive! And he debunks the legend that the band played for 12 hours straight during the '68 riots: "It was more like 50 minutes. We had to stop for some street theater, kids in Richard Nixon masks." [NYP 8-24-08]

As George Washington once said to John Adams, "It takes two, baby, that's me and you!"

2008-08-22T11:10:00.000-07:00

1) Come again? Someone, please tell us why Chet Edwards' name was floated Friday before Ob's announcement. I hope it was worth whatever convoluted favor was asked, because, when coupled with the Drudge headline - "He Never Even Vetted Her" [8-22-08] - well, that's just a poke in the eye with a sharp stick for some folks.

2) Politics 102: "Examining the History of the 'Brother' in American Politics": This week we not only have George Hussein Onyango Obama found living in a hut in Kenya, we also have that more problematic brother, Tony Rodham, meeting with McC's people in Pennsylvania. Yikes! to both.

3) Mister "Annoying at Any Speed" calls in: Ralph Nader phones in to Politico to offer his prediction on Ob's v.p. pick (It's HRC, says Ralph, but adds that Sam Nunn would be better). So Ralph, what have you been up to these days? Got some time on your hands? Who will you be phoning next? [Politico.com 8-19-08]

4) Meddlers at the Gates: According to a story in the WSJ [8-18-08], a group of "liberal bloggers" is raising money to campaign against Democratic Rep. Chris Carney in Pennsylvania because he failed their ideological purity test. Salon columnist Glenn Greenwald, identified as an organizer of the effort, says, "I would rather see a smaller majority but fewer Blue Dogs than a big majority with the Blue Dogs in charge." Hey Glenn, there's a bridge up in Pike County in need of repair. I'm sure the good people of the 10th District can count on your help, I mean since you're so concerned about their welfare and all.

5) Saddle sores: Now that it's mandatory to mix religion and politics again, Rick Warren needs to fix his "cone of silence" before the 2012 race. Perhaps next time he can hold both candidates in a sensory deprivation tank for 24 hours before he starts the questioning. "Tell us, what did you see while you were in the tank?"

6) Malcolm, next time let Tom Hagen do the talking: According NYP's "Inside Albany" column by Fredric U. Dicker [8-18-08], New York State Senate Minority Leader Malcolm Smith told a group of lobbyists at a fundraiser that they should think of the event "as being like an IPO, an initial public offering." According to one attendee, "He said we should get in early because then it doesn't cost as much" and that it would be "painful after November" and the assumed new Senate Democratic majority, for those who don't contribute now.

7) Hey! I have an idea. What about Amy Carter? Proving that the concept of an "open letter" on the Internet is a clumsy and completely ineffective tool in politics, Michael Moore [MichaelMoore.com 8-19-08] implores vetter-in-chief Caroline Kennedy to choose herself for Ob's veep. Hey Mike, nice how you slipped in "I knew your brother John." We're impressed.

8) Since you beltway types wouldn't be caught dead holding it: The September '08 issue of Mad magazine, that neverending creation of the late William M. Gaines, not only features a morphed "Alfred E. Obama" on the cover (with a bumper sticker reading "Yes We Can't"), but also sends up MC in an ad for the film, "No Country For Old Man," with the tag line: "Running The Nation? This Guy Shouldn't Even Be Driving!"

9) Please, oh please, oh please, some excitement at last, oh please: The American Conservative Union's David Keene on McC picking Joe L. as his veep: "Lieberman would blow things up. That would be like Obama picking some right-winger that agrees with him on one thing." [Politico.com 8-19-08]

10) Cindy, incidentally, it looks like you got a sis: Mrs. McC, it looks like you can stop calling yourself an "only child" now that your half-sister is all riled up. Proving once again that politics is the all-seeing eye, the great leveler and the birthplace of entertainment.

No time for Paris or Lindsay Lohan, I ain't got time for that now...

2008-08-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

1) Back in the USSR, indeed: Political Player of the Week award to Vlad "Pootie" Putin. Nothin' like a dose of realpolitik administered by a couple of tank divisions to put things in perspective. Hey Condi, play that piano all night long.

2) One still the loneliest number: U.S. Senate candidate Al Franken holds a roundtable on veterans issues and only one person shows up. The first rule of campaign advance work, people. Always make sure the venue is smaller than the anticipated crowd so you get an overflowing crowd. In this case, should have lined up a phone booth. (If they still exist.)

3) Don't you wish you lived there? Cindy Sheehan qualifies to run against House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Note to local reporters, please, please ask Cindy the following questions: a) name the largest employer in the district, b) what's the district's median income?, c) how much do folks there pay for a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread? (soy and whole wheat, respectively, of course).

4) Why Hank Sheinkopf rules: Hank to the NYDN [8-9-08] on John Edwards: "He's so dead that they're going to be building statues of him for pigeons to crap on. He's out of business. He will forever be known as a cad and a liar. You cannot mislead the press and tempt them to prove you wrong in the Internet era, when there are no secrets and everyone knows everything in the 24-hour news cycle." C'mon Hank, don't hold back.

5) Move all my 3 A.M. calls to 2 P.M.: McC to reporters: "If I put in three or four 18-hour, 20-hour days in a row, then I'm not sharp. It's just a fact." [NYT 8-11-08] Why not make your sleep schedule public so we know what we're dealing with on any given day?

6) People with too much time on their hands: Focus on the Family posts a video on their website calling on Christians to pray for rain during Obama's acceptance speech on Denver. After the flurry of criticism they take the video down and say it was all just a joke. So many jokes out there. Is this turning into the funnniest campaign ever, or what?

7) This is how that whole Jimmy C. thing went sour: Reports are that the Ob camp has shunned Rep. Charlie Rangel during Convention week and denied him a speaking spot. Come January, will the new president be planning any work in the area of tax reform? Just curious.....

8) Political wisdom = chance+luck: The Atlantic reprints Mark Penn's e-mails from the Clinton debacle. Let me get this straight. He thought Ob being born in Hawaii was an opening? And thought that was a good idea? And people still pay him lots of money for his ideas? Get me Chauncey Gardiner!

9) Why? Do you have a Timeshare there, or something? Cokie Roberts on Ob's Hawaii vacation: "I know his grandmother lives in Hawaii, and I know Hawaii is a state, but it has the look of him going off to some sort of foreign, exotic place. He should be in Myrtle Beach if he's going to take a vacation at this time." [NYT 8-15-08]

10) Will he, won't he, should he, could he, maybe, maybe not..... Colin Powell hasn't been this indecisive since that whole Iraq thing came up. Quick, somebody ask his wife!

The week American Politics nuked the fridge

2008-08-08T10:19:00.000-07:00

1) Is Paris Burning? Totally. McC! You forgot one fundamental point - more people know who she is than know who you are. (Also, [shudder], Paris eclipses three months of Ob campaigning with the simple phrase, "I'm not from the olden days.") Quick McC! Kiss Madonna.

2) Johnny McC and the Shiny Gizmos: From the NYT [8-3-08], Lt. Cmdr. McC refers to wife Cindy as a technological "wizard." "She even does my boarding passes...people can do that now. When we go to the movies, she gets the tickets ahead of time. It's incredible." Next time you're up at Kennebunkport, ask 41 how those bar code scanners work.

3) Counselorrrrr. Come out, come out wherever you are....Somebody tell John Edwards not to drag this one out. You had the affair, the kid is someone else's and maybe some of your friends are paying her way in life. Huh? BTW, you've just been scheduled to speak on the fifth night of the Democratic convention.

4) Psst! Never let them see behind the curtain. Rep. John Shimkus (R., Ill.) introduced a resolution on June 30 recognizing that day as National Corvette Day. According to Parade Magazine [8-3-08], Shimkus said, "It's probably not the best use of our time, but we have to do something. These resolutions make it look like we're working."

5) Bill Clinton to speak in Denver on Night Three: Wanna bet he just gets up there and stares at Jim Clyburn for about ten minutes?

6) Cheney to spreak at the GOP Convention after all: Can you imagine if you're the staffer tasked with writing this one? Probably the toughest speech of the week. What could he possibly have to say that would fit in with the McCain message? Better off reading the stats from the Haliburton annual report.

7) Things we should have known earlier: Cindy Adams [NYP 8-8-08] goes down a long list of Dubya's nicknames for people. According to her, his name for John McCain was "Hogan." You know, because of "Hogan's Heroes." Which in itself explains way too much about the last eight years of our lives.

8) Needed more Tinkering: Freshman Rep. Steve Cohen's Democratic primary victory in Tennessee 9 shows us once again that there are certain images that folks just don't like to see on TV. Case in point, the campaign ad by challenger Nikki Tinker, an attorney (and an Afro-American candidates in this majority-black district), that showed Cohen alongside a man dressed in Klan robes. Despite the Tinker camp's feeble insistence that they were not insinuating anything about Cohen in the spot, they lost. 79% to 19%. Ouch.

9) Most disturbing sentence in a political news story in 2008: Buried in the 15th graph of a Wall Street Journal story by Belkin, Simon and Sataline: "Suggestions that Sen. Obama is the antichrist have been circulating for months in Bible-study meetings in towns like Chillicothe, Ohio, where congregants compare his remarks and his biography with verses from the Bible."

10) Hats off to Bob Novak: Love him or hate him, you must admit that he and Roland Evans created a genre that slowly evolved into today's chattering class. And they spent decades trying to explain Washington to the rest of the country. It'll be a shame if he must go quietly into that good night.

When Willie S. said "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" he was really dishing out some great political advice

2008-08-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

1) Britney and Paris and Barack, Oh My! Dear McC: Since when did defining your opponent turn into a drunken round of "Hey, let's throw spaghetti at the wall and see how much sticks!" Two weeks back you were in danger of becoming the Maytag Repairman of Politics 2008. Now you're morphing into what, exactly?

2) What passes for political wisdom these days: A really bad idea making the rounds in Washington - using the 1980 presidential race as a "template" to understand this year's dynamic. Why? Because one candidate talks real good? Rather, imagine what YouTube would have done with candidate Reagan and then just drop the whole discussion.

3) Groovy new political catchphrase of the week (use it twice and impress your friends): Marty Kaplan, (yes, for those of you who lived through the '80s) quoted in the NYT [8-1-08]: "Both sides believe there is something called the master narrative. Yes, there is an abundance of voices and sources trying to influence that master narrative. But it does finally get set, and once it's set, it's virtually impossible to change. So everyone is doing their best to stop the master narrative from setting in a way that disadvantages their side....It's all in play right now." Dude! You're sitting on my master narrative!

4) Don't call it a comeback! Dan Quayle on "Dancing with the Stars?" Since when did a network have to float the concept of a contestant performing on a game show? Is he that controversial? Do we remember who he is?

5) Call us when your ship lands: Newt Gingrich on Hannity & Colmes [7-31-08] suggesting that Obama take a couple of weeks off from campaigning. Because he's on TV too much and people are seeing too much of him. And in Newt's head this is a bad thing. And he wasn't smiling when he said this. Because he was serious.

6) Candidate Alert! Check out House candidate Allen West, retired Army Lt. Col., running against freshman Dem. Rep. Ron Klein in Florida 22. West thinks that when a booker from Al Jazeera's English-language channel called to schedule him for an interview it was really a terror plot to kidnap him [NY Daily News 7-28-08]. Way to get some press attention Allen, takin' a page out of the Ross Perot playbook. ["The VC were trying to disrupt my daughter's birthday party. Dressed in black pajamas coming across my front lawn, I tell ya."]

7) Chuck Hagel as the new Joe Lieberman: "I think John is treading on some very thin ground here when he impugns motives and when we start to get into 'You're less patriotic than me. I'm more patriotic.'" [CBS's "Face the Nation" 8-27-08] Now can he speak at the Democratic convention?

8) Hey, even Strom knew when to turn the lights out: Just-turned-89-years-old Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau says he intends to run for a 10th four-year term. "If I broke both my legs I might not run, but if I broke one, I would run," said Morgy [Daily News 8-31-08].

9) My seat! My seat! A deck and a new grill for my seat! Did anyone notice that even before the indictment Ted Stevens was trailing Mark Begich 50-45. And now it's what, 50-35? Yikes! I'm sure it was all worth it.

10) When there were "Wise Men" Writing in his column this week [7-27-08] David Broder recalled Democratic insider James H. Rowe Jr. and his opinion of why U.S. Senators should not be eligible for the office of president: "The reason is that senators don't know how to run anything. Their staffs have to tell them what to do. They walk around with little slips of paper in their pocket saying, 'Call so-and-so,' or 'Remember to talk to so-and-so."

Washington: The Original "Town Without Pity"

2008-07-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

1) He should have seen it comin': Both the pedestrian in the crosswalk and being used by the McCainiacs to float the veep story. Bob, since when did you become the only guy at the poker game who isn't quite sure why he was invited to play?

2) John Edwards runs from veep short list! Where's the coverage? Where's the lawsuit? Okay, at the very least, where's the chase footage? And where was TMZ?

3) A Yale take on the economy: "Wall Street got drunk...It got drunk, and now it's got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up, and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments." Glad no one asked him to name one of those "fancy instruments."

4) Paul Weyrich says hello: Iowa GOP wingers boot Chuck Grassley from the state's Convention delegation. Thirty years in the Senate to be treated like this? Next time they need a bridge fixed they should ask Weyrich for the money.

5) Political Journalism Prize of the Week: David D. Kirkpatrick, writing in his NYT [7-21-08] piece on McCain and the Senate: "Both Mr. McCain and Mr. Lott publicly supported Mr. Frist. But both also had an interest in his failure. Mr. McCain because Mr. Frist was a potential presidential rival and Mr. Lott because he had taken his leadership post." "An interest in his failure." That sentence sings.

6) Are you kind? A raised middle finger to the NYT for it's fawning piece on Rep. Anthony Weiner [7-23-08]. How many times a year do political journalists write stories about folks in high office who treat their staff very badly only to excuse away the accounts of atrocious behavior? Just be sure to interview the resident staff (or former staff) sycophants who assure us that he's just a high-strung guy who's really a dedicated public servant. "Hey, it's okay that he beat me with the phone. We got HR369 passed yesterday!" Enough! Time for some common decency. Or heavy sedation.

7) Poppy's in the golf cart again! Just who's running the image department of the McCain campaign? And just what was Poppy's message to Lt. Commander McC? "John, let me tell you what we Eastern Establishment folk do when we lose."

8) Here they come! What's more disturbing? That Bob Barr is now on the ballot in Ohio or the fact that his campaign manager is Russell Verney? The Russell Verney - adviser to Ross Perot in 1992, Perot '96 campaign manager and founder of the Reform Party - who once kicked Jesse Ventura out of said "Party." Doesn't it all give you the willies? Look! There's Admiral Stockdale!

9) Thanks for saying it for us: Ken Khachigian, who knows a thing or two about GOP vice presidential candidates, writing in the WSJ [7-25-08] about McC's pending decision. The title? "Who'll Be McCain's Veep? Who Cares?"

10) At least he's not meeting with Madonna (Right?!): Obama's in the gym again! How many times can one shoot hoops in one day? But wouldn't it be great if he really was using those sessions to meet with veep candidates? Cue the theme music to "Secret Agent Man."

Saul Alinsky never did satire

2008-07-17T18:49:00.000-07:00

1) The New Yorker cover: The trouble with satire is always that point where it runs into the nebulous crossroads between Access Hollywood, Google and Grand Theft Auto. It's never the same after it goes through the blender.

2) Not saying that all third party people are posers, but... Jesse Ventura on not running for the Senate on "Larry King Live" [CNN 7-14-08]: "Larry, let me say this to you. It was a difficult decision. But it came down to almost there ----surfing versus the Senate. And I found surfing to be much more honorable than the Senate if I---for the next six years, because the ocean doesn't lie to you, the waves don't lie to you. My government does lie to me today."

3) Bush press conference on the economy: "I'm an optimist." Us too. But this just isn't really the time and place to brag about it.

4) "Idaho Is No Longer a Lock for Republicans" That was actually a headline in this week's Wall Street Journal. Ahhh. Okay. Let's not get too carried away now, shall we? It's still the land of the black helicopter.

5) The trouble with Lieberman: Dick Durbin on Senate Democrats getting fed up with Joe Lieberman's McCain thing: "This is a delicate situation." In the real world, when most folks hear those words from their boss they know they're on the way out.

6) The continuing adventures of the GOP and the Fossella seat: Now that Staten Island Republican leaders have endorsed businessman Robert Straniere as their new candidate to take the seat, former Borough President Guy Molinari tells the press: "It's unthinkable. If there's something I can do against him, I will do it." You gotta love it. For Guy, politics is still personal.

7) Rep. Tom Cole on John McCain's candidacy being good for the GOP: "He helps us change our image and recasts us as a maverick party interested in change." "Interested in change?" Sounds like you're making plans to watch the Discovery channel. And no, he does not make you a "maverick party." Why not change your name to "The Wild Stallions?"

8) John McCain on high tech: "I don't e-mail. I've never felt the particular need to e-mail." [NYT 7-13-08] Sounds like someone's in need of some social networking.

9) Repeat after me, first comes the trip, then comes the speech: Whose idea was it to let Obama talk about Iraq before actually going over there? And as good as taking Hagel along looks now, do they really know what they're going to get from him when it's over. He's not exactly "Mr. Predictable."

10) Mike Dukakis has a good idea: On the Jesse Jackson flap: "This moment only reinforces that we have to let the younger guys take the lead in politics, that they know the issues of today, that we live in a far different world than 20 years ago." Well said.

Political Rule #214: Nothing is ever as it seems except for those instances in which it indeed is.

2008-07-10T20:23:00.000-07:00

1) Mr. Mental Case: Mr. Phil "ready money [is] the most reliable friend you can have in American politics" Gramm will forever live out the maxim that academics teach and pols do. Why not send him off to Dayton, Ohio, to open a McCain campaign office among all those foreclosed homes abanoned by all the "whiners."

2) Mark Penn hires Karen Hughes: Have you no sense of common decency...uh, I mean timing? The Washington Post recently called the two "PR wizards." When exactly does the magic start? Have they been waiting for something important to come along?

3) Why people still read Novak: Love him or hate him, Robert Novak can still cut through the crap of Washington. On the recent Obama meeting with Clinton big-money people: "But, in the opinion of the Clintonites, he [Obama] did not open the door to his campaign, because he asked nothing of them. Big-money Democrats who could have expected to be named U.S. ambassadors by President Hillary Clinton realized that they would get nothing from a President Obama. The train had left the station, and they were not aboard." The whole problem explained in three simple sentences.

4) Dead Man Running: Jack Kevorkian has collected enough signatures to get on the ballot for the 9th Congressional District race in Michigan. He'll be the independent candidate facing Republican incumbent Joe Knollenberg and Democrat Gary Peters. Wouldn't it give you the creeps if your neighbor had a "Kevorkian for Congress" yard sign? Or a Kevorkian house party?

5) Psychodrama qu'est-ce que c'est? Creepy Bill Clinton returns to the Aspen Ideas Festival to remind the crowd: "If you know anybody who was a POW for any length of time, you will see, you go along for months or maybe even years and then something will happen and it will trigger all those bad dreams, and it will come back." And the next thing you know it's World War III!!!! Hey, I'm just sayin'.

6) Hot Mic! Comin' through here! Hot Mic! Rev. Jesse Jackson, the latest in the long line of clergymen imposing themselves in the middle of the 2008 presidential contest, blames his coarse message to Obama on a "hot mic." Now that would make for a great new reality show. Get Hulk Hogan's kid to host it.

7) Jesse Helms R.I.P.: Equally scorned and worshiped, an American original and a successful pol. As Ferrel Guillory, a figurehead of NC political journalism put it in the NYT obit [7-5-08], "He was a very polarizing politician. He was not a consensus builder. He didn't want everybody to vote for him. He just wanted enough." And what's so wrong with that?

8) Two political guys with fistfulls of cash walk into a bar: The news out of New York this week is that Rochester billionaire Tom Golisano, himself a three-time loser for governor of that state, will spend $5 million on this year's state legislative races in an effort to push a "reform" agenda. If a candidate agrees with his views, he'll pony up the cash. In a more traditional move, House Ways and Means Chairman Charlie Rangel has so far this year handed out $849,392 to Democrats running for Congress. Obviously planning for a rainy day.

9) Hey Joe, where you goin' with that nominating speech in your hand? The new website LiebermanMustGo.com has irked the Senator and his staff with their petition drive to get theDemocratic leadership to strip him of his rank in the party caucus and deny him a committee chairmanship. Lieberman spokesman Marshall Wittman said that the drive was the product of "old petty partisan politics." Aren't they the best kind?

10) From the folks who brought you the guillotine: Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's new CD, laced with love songs to her husband the President of France. Sample lyrics: "You're my orgy....I am burning for you like a pagan woman." Further evidence that French politics is not really politics. More like a fancy lunch. Name one American political spouse who could get away with saying this stuff in public. Mrs. Kucinich does not count.

What would John Adams do?

2008-07-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

1) McCain campaigning down Colombia way: In perhaps the strangest campaign move since 2001 New Jersey GOP gubernatorial candidate Bret Schundler decided to campaign in Israel in September of that year (and found himself stuck there following the 9/11 attacks), Sen. McC has decided to go South for reasons his own folks can't explain. The good news is he's apparently polling well in the Bogota suburbs.

2) All roads lead back to "Predator": Following in the footsteps of fellow castmates Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura, former actor Sonny Landham has decided to run for elective office, challenging Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell in the Kentucky Senate race. Sonny will play the role of the Libertarian candidate (if he gets the 5,000 signatures to get on the ballot). Remember that scene where he takes on the Predator with just a hunting knife? It was a good death.

3) Obama and Bill finally speak: What did you think was going to happen? Should they have met under a bridge like Tony and Johnny Sack? Only New York politicos meet in their cars at night. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

4) Post Post-Modern Politics: One of McC's former Vietnamese jailers, Tran Trong Duyet, has endorsed his candidacy. "If I were an American voter, I would vote for John McCain," he said to the AP, explaining that McC was "tough, has extreme views, and is very conservative." He also looks forward to meeting "as two old friends." I hope the campaign has the foresight to avoid leaving them alone in a room. After all, if he could go after a Sandinista who didn't know him from Adam.....

5) Arianna advises Ob not to move to the center: Have you learned nothing about how American politics works? You've certainly been going on and on about it for years now. You don't have to like Nixon to admit he was right on the basics of modern presidential campaigning. It's why they call it a dance!

6) Endorsements ain't what they used to be: As Rep. Henry Cuellar said not so long ago, "I find that with any endorsement, you get half of their friends and all of their enemies." Case in point: This week Barbara Streisand endorsed Obama. Erik Estrada endorsed McCain. Do James Brolin and Larry Wilcox follow suit? Let the betting begin.

7) Speaking of endorsements: With Joe Lieberman clinging to McC like a third arm, just where is Hadassah? Isn't it time for some cablenet goffer to get her on tape concerning the '08 race? Does she do lunch with Cindy?

8) George Orwell, call your office: Those planning to protest at the Democratic National Convention in Denver this August will be kept far from the proceedings and well out of sight behind fenced enclosures. The protesters refer to the fencing as "freedom cages." Democracy apparently ain't what it used to be either.

9) Just think of what we're missing had he been the nominee: Speaking up on behalf of McC, Rudy Giuliani told reporters this week, "I thought I was best qualified [to be president], but I thought John was number two." Hey, thanks.

10) Politics is a learning experience: It may have taken the threat of voters being mean to him but Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal flipped and vetoed the bill that would have given state legislators a hefty pay raise. Let's see, break a promise to state legislators or face a recall. Hmmm... Go back on my word or face a recall. Hmmmm.... It's okay governor. It'll get easier now.

Mistakes were made.....

2008-06-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

1) Charlie Black channels his inner Ed Rollins: Or did he? The big news is Black making such a blunder. Not to get too Machiavelli and all but he did manage to get the terror thought back out into the media for about three news cycles. And at what cost to the candidate? None. So...

2) Obama and the FISA fight: For those still waiting for the man to jump into this one for the good of all mankind, here's a name you may have forgotten - Sister Souljah. Ring a bell? Capiche?

3) Whatever's the matter with Ralphie? Dead white man walking here. Make way. Or, as he explained his unending quest to the Washington Post [6-25-08]: "It's the rational approach. If you're locked out of the governmental system, if you can't get a hearing, and I can't, you go to the electoral system. What's my alternative? Should I go to Monterey and watch the whales?" YESSSS!!!! Wonderful idea. Here, we'll help you pack.

4) From the "Counting your chickens" Department: The Great Seal of Obama. We blinked and you were gone. What bothered you more, the forced Latin or the creepy new-agey wave thingy in the eagle's chest? And that was one pissed-off looking eagle.

5) Political Journalism Awards 2008: First nominee is Daniel Libit's piece on Politico.com [6-25-08], "Meet the make-believe strategists of TV." Thank you Daniel. We collectively knew that we had never heard of any of those people strategizing anything in real life. To read them explaining away their labels hurts the eyes.

6) Gordon Smith starts a trend: Endangered GOPers clinging to an association with Barack Obama. Let's call it the "Politics of Oz." Instead of "Don't look behind the curtain," it's "Don't look at that 'R' after my name!" The part of Toto will of course be played by Frank Luntz.

7) What hath Fossella wrought? The sad and untimely death of Francis Powers, the retired Wall Streeter hand picked to serve as the GOP candidate in the race to fill Vito Fossella's Staten Island Congressional seat, has made this contest no longer a laughing matter. In fact, this seat could soon become like that house down the street that never sells because of what happened there a long time ago. Maybe the NRCC should just move on and forget all about this one.

8) Hey Sen. McCain, what's on your Victrola? Enough with "the Lexington Project" and the references to "Imperial Japan" and anything else that happened more than twenty years ago. You're scaring the kids. Or at least leaving them really confused.

9) You may already be a winner: Ever since McCain offered the $300 million prize for the better car battery why do we have visions of guys in top hats lining up outside the White House with their perpetual motion machines tucked under their arms? You know this will turn into some weird Soap Box Derby type competition where there'll be an explolsion in somebody's garage and they'll sue the campaign.

10) Sam Nunn, now and forever: Thanks to NYT's Mark Leibovich [6-22-08] for reminding us just how many times over the past 24 years that former Georgia Sen. Sam Nunn's name has been tossed around as a potential vice presidential running mate. And to Ralph Reed for calling the modern day vetting of possible veeps "the equivalent of a total G.I. track exam."

Politics: Just another verb masquerading as a noun

2008-06-20T13:10:00.000-07:00

1) Political Play of the Week: Luke Russert gets McCain and Obama in the same pew and then preaches his dad's political philosophy to them from the pulpit. Smooth move.

2) Patti Solis Doyle to the Obama ranks: Yes, the whole thing is its own parlor game. But Axelrod roots run deep, no?

3) What does Ron want? Now that he has officially stopped his quest for the GOP nomination Ron Paul can concentrate on just what he's going to do with that room full of folks at his anti-convention. And what to do with all that Internet cash? I say he buys gold. Lots of it.

4) Rudy G. sets new standard in being helpful: Giuliani will go to any length to help elect any Republican this year. For a price. Why not go the whole way and offer to sell "Rudy" ice and bottled water at all campaign events? This answers the question of what Trump would be like as a candidate.

5) Tony Schwartz R.I.P.: Everybody knows the "Daisy" ad inside out and it was great. But nothing was so simple, yet effective, as John Q. Voter siting in his living room easy chair laughing hysterically at the idea of Spiro T. as a heartbeat away from the presidency. From his Washington Post obit: "We can hear four times as fast as we can talk. So the question is, what do you do with the other time?" [WP 6-17-08] And, from his NYT obit: "The best political commercials are Rorschach patterns. They do not tell the viewer anything. They surface his feelings and provide a context for him to express these feelings." [NYT 6-17-08]

6) Just what are you gettin' at fella? Asked if he plans to be a Democrat "forever," Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman says: "You know, forever is a long time." Geez, goin' to the GOP Convention and all, why not JUST SAY IT!!!!!! [USA Today 6-19-08]

7) Bob Barr threatens to take away votes from McCain: Hey, don't the authorities look into schemes where non-existent organizations try to raise money for non-existent causes? I'm just askin'.

8) Dennis Agonistes: Kucinich, in his quest for articles of impeachment, observes that "there are some things that yield to reason, and there are other things that yield to politics. I cannot understand what the political reason would be to not [impeach the President]." Dennis, go back and review the first sentence. [Washington Post's "In The Loop"]

9) Obama opts out: Yeah, he said he wouldn't. Now, what are you going to do about it? And who exactly will spend the time trying to make people understand this? And, even if someone does try, who will remember come September? I say TV ad buyers everywhere are partying hearty this weekend.

10) Michelle O hits "The View": Seems like a homer. Disarms (or at least quiets) Hasselbeck, impresses with simple Republican cloth dress, dispels evils of the fist bump, and tips her hat to Laura Bush. What more could the campaign ask? Oh, and makes Cindy McC look a couple of weeks late.

Politics, much like Denise Richards, is complicated

2008-06-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

1) SnopesObama.com: The Obama campaign announced its new rumor mill debunking operation by proclaiming: "The Obama campaign isn't going to let dishonest smears spread across the Internet unanswered." Bravo! And thanks. Where would American politics be without the "honest smear?"

2) What's wrong with these people? First Fox's E.D. Hill suggests that the Obama fist bump could be "a terrorist fist jab" and now they've referred to Michelle Obama on screen as "Obama's baby mama." Just what is it with that network? Do you think they just have problems relating to folks from Chicago? Is that it? God forbid they're trying to be hip like the kids. Next thing you know Bill O will be saying that he got jiggy with it. And we all know he did.

3) That a way to turn out the vote: Sen. John Ensign, Chair of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, has set a new high in lowballing expectations, telling reporters this week that if the GOP only loses three Senate seats in November, it "would be a terrific night for us. I don't want to slip below the four-seat loss." Hey John, is it true you're going to host a special screening of "Paths of Glory" before the big election night party?

4) Happy Father's Day, Dad! In the bizarro world that is the race to succeed Staten Island's Vito Fosella, GOP candidate Frank Powers is facing his son Fran Powers, who's running as the Libertarian candidate. Dad, a retired Wall Street exec, told the press that he had tried to help Fran "live a healthy lifestyle." His remarks were accompanied by a comment from a GOP source who referenced Fran's "carefree" music business career. In response, Fran, a product of Frank's first marriage, countered, "I'm not out here doing heroin. I have a regular life. Do I have a beer? Yes. I'm having one now." Fran is in the Staten Island band, Box of Crayons. [Staten Island Advance 6-5-08] Gabba, Gabba, Hey! Have you registered to vote yet?

5) The hubbub over the supposed Clinton Enemies List: Duh! People who write and talk about politics for a living expressing surprise that two professional politicians remember who was with them and who wasn't? That's news? Does the phrase "ABC Common Traitor" ring a bell? The only people who can't understand this have never worked around other people before. Whether it's CNN or a Kinko's. Or Dunder Mifflin.

6) Political Humor Awards '08: Mark Penn's NYT Op-ed piece [6-8-08] on "What Went Wrong" with the Clinton campaign. That was great. Really. A knee slapper. I mean, could anyone get through that with a straight face? I mean, "we needed a different kind of operation to win caucuses and to retain support of superdelegates." That's gold, Jerry! Gold!

7) Madam, I believe your pants are on fire. Too bad LBJ isn't around to deal with the "new breed" of Internet political blogger/reporter/citizen journalist/folks with too much time on their hands and no visible source of income-types who prey on the unsuspecting and then express such surprise that they've managed to make national news. Case in point, this week's Howard Kurtz [WP 6-9-08] profile of Mayhill Fowler, who got Bill C. to call Todd Purdum a "scumbag." Says Fowler, "I have no journalistic training. I just discovered that I'm impelled to get out there and get the truth of the matter." Aw shucks, you didn't have time to identify yourself. How lucky for you.

8) Old School still applies: Speaking of LBJ, USA Today's Susan Page references the man in her piece this week on how to choose a Veep [6-12-08]. Johnson, speaking on the phone to Sargent Shriver in 1964: "I think a man (who) runs for vice president is a very foolish man. [The] man who runs away from it is very wise. I wished I'd run farther away from it than I did...And don't you ever be a candidate and don't let anybody else be a candidate, and tell them anybody that runs for it never gets it." Yo, Mitt!

9) Your own worst enemy is sitting right there on the Straight Talk Express: Come now, "not important????!!!!" Obviously the McCain campaign is in for a very long five months. Time to turn the conversations back around to William Jennings Bryan, I'd say.

10) R.I.P. Tim Russert. American politics has lost a source of insight, historical perspective, and darn good questions. We're all a bit dumber for the loss.

Wheel in the Sky keeps on turning

2008-06-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

1) Exit, Stage Right: Charlie Rangel on that HRC conference call: "She wanted to talk to supporters and get advice, so she got advice. Love and affection doesn't have a damn thing to do with counting votes." [Politico.com 6-5-08]

2) "Today, we settle all family business." Last Saturday the Obama team worked out the Michigan and Florida mess while the candidate resigned from his troublesome church. Michael Corleone would have been proud.

3) Dude, enough already: Will somebody tell Chris Matthews to stop noting that if HRC was to take the Veep spot she would "have to obey." Saying the word "obey" once was weird. Repeating it over and over, day after day, was getting creepy. Did Nixon ask Agnew if he was ready to "obey?" Okay, so Johnson probably did ask HHH, but come on.

4) Jordan Wright RIP: Dedicated collector of American political memoribilia for the last 40 years, he went way beyond a mere button collection. You've got to love a guy who had "Clean Up With Ike" bars of soap. Quoted in his NYT obit: "There hasn't been an election since Washington's when we didn't go to the voting booth holding our nose." [NYT 6-1-08]

5) Cheney's West Virginia Quip: Recounting Cheneys on both sides of the family tree, "So I had Cheneys on both sides of the family and we don't even live in West Virginia....You can say those things when you're not running for reelection." Funny as a crutch, Rich.

6) On knowing a lose/lose situation when you see one: NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg's Deputy Mayor, Kevin Sheekey, passes on the RNC offer to manage the GOP Convention in Minnesota.

7) Didn't he hear about the notebook thingy? Rep. Artur Davis (D., Alabama), Obama campaign adviser, suggests list of names for possible VP pick, including ex Florida Sen. Bob Graham, who is probably making note of that (and other things) as you read this.

8) Shelby, quit while you're ahead: Shelby Steele's book about Obama was titled: "Bound Man: Why We Are Excited About Obama and Why He Can't Win." He also predicted HRC would take the nomination.

9) Ralph Reed writes a novel: And titles it "Dark Horse." And says it's the "most honest book, without question, I've written." Say no more.

10) The Pres speaks: As quoted in The Washington Post's "In The Loop" column this week, GWB delivering a speech on May 27th in Arizona: "And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." As the man said, it's "The working, the working, just the working life," indeed.

politics (n.) Sports with consequences

2008-05-31T08:21:00.000-07:00

1) The Scott McClellan hubbub: Too bad Fox doesn't have a political version of "Moment of Truth." You could win some dough with this stuff. Otherwise, except for the betrayal, it's a lot like proving that the sky is blue, isn't it?

2) The White House response to the McClellan hubbub: Is that ham I smell on those hands?

3) Bob Dole's acerbic e-mail response to the McClellan hubbub: Who woke up the Viagra Kid? Did you know he could e-mail? Bob, who's on your MySpace page?

4) McCain challenges Barack to go to Iraq with him: Let's up the ante with a "Quick Fire" challenge. They each have to buy food at the central Baghdad marketplace and cook up a light lunch for 20 in the Green Zone.

5) Our condolences to Mrs. Bow Tie: Tucker Carlson on picking a VP: "The VP story is a little bit like sex. When it's happening, you're totally focused on it, it's all you want. Then, the second it's over, you can barely remember why it seemed so important." [Politico 5-28-08]

6) Mikey, we hardly knew ya! Gravel retires from politics! Mike, seriously, it was always like you were in your own private M. Night Shyamalan flick. Now we'll never know how your saga ends, which, if you think about it, is in keeping with the whole concept anyway, right? Too bad. Grumpiness is so in vogue now.

7) The McCain "We'll be out of Iraq by 2013" plan: Note to the campaign, see if Zager & Evans are still around. "In the year 2013, ain't gonna need no troops over there anymore, everything you think, do, and say is in the pill you took today...." You get the idea. I smell comeback! Which you guys could use also....

8) Larry Craig's book to explain everything: In the words of Paul Westerberg, "Saw your video! We don't wanna know!!!!!!!!!"

9) Bernadette Budde still rules! "Tell me (who wins) Colorado and I will tell you the winner." Bernadette, to USA Today [5-28-08] on the 2008 presidential race.

10) Murray Sabrin talks to the dead! New Jersey GOP Senate candidate Murray Sabrin announced this week that his candidacy had been endorsed by Frank Gannett, founder of Gannett Co. Inc. The fact that Gannett died in 1957 did not trouble Murray. Nor should it trouble the voters of New Jersey.

Even in politics, there's just some things you just don't talk about....

2008-05-23T17:45:00.000-07:00

1) Ted's Troubles: For the outpouring of soul, for reminding us that the most exclusive of clubs does still have a heart, for harking back to the days when Senators were masters of this game. And we were the better for it.

2) Mike & Mitt & the Unseamly Chase: There was a time not so long ago when gentlemen did not act this way. What's next? Will they pull blades on each other? Don't they know the last cookie always goes to the quiet one?

3) Republican Party or Donner Party? You Decide. Hey Newt! Thanks for the great new batch of old ideas. Yes. All they need to do is write a new Magna Carta. In which alternative universe did you dream that stuff up? Did the Ruskies win?

4) Note to Huckabee, Hagee, Hillary, et al: Rule # 43: In politics, don't mention Hitler, the Holocaust, assasinations or make fun of sick people. Ever.

5) Bush hat in hand to the Saudis: Speaking of somebody looking like Neville Chamberlain.

6) Goodbye to Vito F.: I guess reality finally set in. But wouldn't we all have loved to have been a fly on the wall in that room. Who did it? Boehner? Cole? Someone closer to home?

7) Dick Tuck Hall of Fame Awards: To whoever sent that plastic penis on a mini remote-controlled helicopter flying through Garry Kasparov's press conference to unite Kremlin opponents. Who says Big Brother doesn't have a sense of humor?

8) Remember Hamilton Jordan. There's a guy who drew up a 70-page plan that laid out a year-by-year, step-by-step campaign for an obscure Southern governor to win the White House. They followed the plan.

9) Mark McKinnon has a code. He follows his word. Got to admire that these days.

10) And the "Hasn't caught up with the news yet" Award goes to: Rep. Mike Pence of Indiana (R), who this week said: "I think the way back to the majority is to the right."

Politics: Why Chaos Theory always works

2008-05-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

1) Political Play of the Week: To David Axelrod for putting the Edwards endorsement announcement right before the evening news on the day after West Virginia. Does it give Barack NC? No. But it did what it was intended to do - change the subject in a big way.

2) On using the Bully Pulpit to lead by example. You gave up golf in solidarity with the troops? Wow. Okay, so I guess that means we should follow your lead, sir. No Halo 3 during work and absolutely no Guitar Hero after 8 p.m. But can we still see Niko Bellic on the weekends? This sacrifice stuff hurts. Don't know how you can possibly endure it, sir.

3) Post-modern political analysis rears its ugly head again: MSNBC's "Hardball" 7 p.m. EST 5-14-08, Chris Matthews to Pat Buchanan on the Edwards endorsement: "Pat Buchanan! That's sort of like getting it from the back, there!" And you're going to run for the U.S. Senate with that mouth? We can hardly wait.

4) From the "No more questions!" Department: Vito Fossella to Guy Molinari last week, on hearing that the party was talking about potential candidates to replace him in a special election when he resigns: "What's this all about?" Earth to Vito. But you know, on second thought, he should probably stay put. The party just can't afford to lose another special. I know, you're screaming, "Not in Staten Island!" But I bet the NRCC would still have to spend some bucks on it.

5) Bob Barr knows something we don't. Okay, so Bob's probably a lock for the Libertarian Party. You know, those are the ones whose party convention looks like a giant infomercial audience. But the word "Party" always begs the question: How many ward leaders do you have? Also, have you ever paved roads or moved trash? I guess I'm being petty.

6) It Ain't Her, Babe: It boggles the mind what passes for political commentary these days. Camille Paglia, [really, will the '80s never end?????] writing on Salon.com, 5-14-08, on HRC: "who won't stop her manic tarantella until her party whirls into ruins, like the run-amuck carousel in Alfred Hitchcok's "Strangers on a Train." Sounds great. Means nothing. First, I believe it's always been more "Twist and Shout." Second, as to which party is currently whirling into ruin, take Connie Corleone's advice: "Read the papers! Read the papers!"

7) Mississippi 1st CD Special Election: Attention House GOP: Head for the hills! If it was a horror movie, the audience would be screaming at the Grand Old Party to stop sending its people into the dark basement to check out those noises. None of them are coming back up! At this rate come the fall the DCCC will be offering (on their dime) to fly VP Cheney anywhere in the country to campaign for incumbent GOP reps.

8) Sen. Arlen Specter investigates the Patriots: [Insert "Magic Bullet Theory" joke here] That's the way to use your office to get even on the personal level, Senator. Hope that investigation doesn't touch your Eagles. And by the way, was that the sound of the NFL checkbook coming out for Chris Matthews?

9) McCain Can't Recall 2000 Vote: People say lots of things at parties. Mark Salter calling Arianna "a flake and a poser and an attention-seeking diva." Well, yeah, what's your point? The bigger question - Does Cindy McCain have more money than God? This Bud's for you, Cindy.

10) Ron Paulites plotting for convention shenanigans: Look kids, all ol' Ron wants is a prime time slot to address America about that ever-pressing question, "The Gold Standard." At which point millions of remotes switch to "Rock of Love 3" "Oh, Brett......"

Panic comes to town

2008-05-09T16:20:00.000-07:00

May 8, 2008

1) "Louisiana 6 says 'Hello!'" Hey, when was the last time a House special election [or any House race for that matter] impacted a presidential nomination race? Anyone? Anyone?

2) Uncle Teddy kills the dream [ticket] Says HRC's not deserving of the office of Spiro Agnew or Dick Cheney. Hey! Doesn't Ted know that she has the Immunity Idol. That's what this is all about.....

3) Vito, We hardly knew ya (well, some did) When you hit the Congressional scandal hat trick - DUI, special friend the District knows nothing about and a love child - you've reached the Pantheon preserved for the select few. For wont of a driver on staff, how many have fallen?

4) 'Ster! 'Ster! Let me see your I.D. Poll worker Julie McGuire, herself a nun, was forced to turn away a dozen fellow Catholic nuns of St. Marys Convent in South Bend from an Indiana polling place the day of the presidential primary because they lacked a photo I.D. We're talking about nuns in their 80s or 90s. Some in wheelchairs, on walkers or using electric carts. Now that's the type of poll worker we all need.

5) "Every objective has been met and surpassed!" Rush Limbaugh, crowing to his audience that his "Operation Chaos" was hard at work in Indiana and North Carolina. To most folks "Operation Chaos" refer to that time period between when your prescription runs out and the date the insurance company will pay for the refill.

6) But for the Grace of God (and a bad ballot position) we are spared! Indiana 2: the Congressional District where GOP Congressional contender Tony Zirkle became a three-time loser last week, failing to capture his party's nomination and taking only 16 percent of the vote. In April, Zirkle spoke at a National Socialist Workers Party gathering to honor the birthday of Adolf Hitler. Asked whether he supported the Nazis, Zirkle said he did not "know enough about the group to either favor it or oppose it." In reporting on the story, Al Kamen's "In the Loop" column [Wash. Post 5-7-08] pictured Zirkle, an opponent of porn, feeding an issue of Playboy into a shredder.

7) Political Do-Overs. Are they still allowed? Under fire for having an affair with a staffer, Ohio Attorney general Marc Dann said that he wasn't really ready to administer such a large organization and told staff: "From here on out, we will conduct ourselves in a professional manner befitting the great work we have done." Wait! Okay, .......now!

8) Lt. Cmdr.! Bogies at three o'clock! (I thought you took care of them miles back) GOP presidential nominee Sen. John McCain still can't break 80% in the primaries. After taking 73% of the vote in Pennsylvania's GOP primary he went on to score 74% in North Carolina and 78% in Indiana. When's that "unity" thingie kick in?

9) One of ours is in trouble! New Hampsherite Gary Dodds was arrested this week, accused of throwing his wife to the floor. You may remember Dodds as a 2006 Democratic Congressional candidate in the state. After things weren't going so well in the campaign he left the scene of a staged car crash and disappeared for a day, saying that he had injured his head and almost drowned in a nearby river. According to reports, prosecutors were suspicious after finding Dodd the next day with "purple feet," the result, they theorized, of his soaking his feet in cold water to make it appear he had spent time in the water. He was convicted of "causing a false public alarm."[USA Today 5-8-08]

10) Rhodes Cook explains it all. Amid all the gasping of the TV chattering class comes veteran political analyst Rhodes Cook with a thoughtful op-ed in the NYT this week looking at the plausibility of an HRC win of the popular vote. While part of his equation is already moot do to poor showings in NC and Ind, it was refreshing to read a reasoned argument for once.

Keepin' the real in Realpolitik

2008-05-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

May 1, 2008

1) "It is not deficient. It is just different." That sums up our disappointment at learning that the Rev. Wright's appearance at the National Press Club this week was probably not orchestrated behind the scenes by Club member Barbara Reynolds, a supporter of Hillary Clinton for President, who had originally invited Rev. Wright (whom she knows well) to speak at the club some years ago. In a time when political CSI teams find every fingerprint, it could have been such a smooth move. Still, as for the Wright performance itself, as political theatre it was priceless.

2) Speaking of Political CSI. Ryan Lizza, writing in this week's The New Yorker [4-28-08], describes Bill Clinton on the trail as being unable to comprehend the blanket coverage of modern media. Quoting a Clinton aide on Bill, "It's like he's been plucked out of time and thrown into the middle of this entirely new kind of campaign. Because of the way he is covered, the only thing anyone ever sees is fifteen seconds that is deemed by the pundits to be off message."

3) For those who don't believe either of the above two stories. "Nothing in this campaign has been by accident." Rep. James E. Clyburn (D., S.C.) [NYT 4-29-08]

4) HRC goes to "The Factor" Yes, Hillary's appearance on Bill O'Reilly's show was akin to Nixon's trek to China. Except with that one we weren't looking at The Great Wall and still thinking about loofahs somewhere in the back of our brains. And oh yes, did you know he grew up in Levittown?

5) Nine out of ten doctors agree: Perception of brilliance often linked to circumstance. GOP political brain Karl Rove dishes out advice to Obama. Among the gems, "When you get into trouble, pick one, simple explanation." What's next, "Don't forget your coat when it's raining?"

6) Hey! Did that Godot guy ever show or what? The days, weeks, months tick by and still former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards has yet to endorse either Hillary or Barack. Just what is Elizabeth waiting for?

7) When the "new politics" runs smack dab into that pesky, dang gone "old politics." See Mississippi's 1st Congressional District race. GOP candidate Greg Davis airs spot linking Democratic candidate Travis Childers, an Obama supporter, to Obama and Rev. Wright. The tag line: "Travis Childers - he took Obama's endorsement over our conservative values. Conservatives can't trust Travis Childers."

8) Obviously someone who has not practiced politics in Chicago, New York, Louisiana, Philly, or anywhere in Jersey. Sen Tom Harkin (D., Iowa), on the continuing Democratic presidential race: "I still say it will never get to the superdelegates. Within 10 days of the last primary, one or the other will drop out.....Emotions run high in primaries, but time heals all wounds and political wounds tend to heal faster." [Italics added.]

9) Ordinarily we'd turn the page, except for the source. Veteran GOP pollster Tony Fabrizio, speaking to USA Today [4-28-08]: If John McCain runs "the right kind of race, I will tell you that John McCain could win in an electoral landslide." Maybe he means a race in A-4 Skyhawks. If so, the smart money's on McC.

10) The loneliness of the long distance pol. Tuesday's NYT profiled Nebraska's only black State Senator, Ernie Chambers, first elected in 1971, and now leaving the legislature due to term limits. A self-described "loner," Chambers, 70, says, "....a lot of people are going to be very happy when my absolute last day arrives. In fact, there will probably be so much joy in this corner of the world that it will be picked up on the Richter scale. I'm not liked at all."

Playing Politics since 1869

2008-04-24T11:03:00.000-07:00

April 24, 2008

1) Jeez Dad, leave me alone! Howard Dean says of remaining undecided Superdelegates: "I need them to say who they're for, starting now." Superdelegates think they hear a fly buzzing near their ear, swat it away, return to whatever it was they weren't doing.

2) Hey! Other Dad! I'm really shakin' now! Joining the fun, Democratic Senate Leader Harry Reid says that he, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and Howard Dean, may just have to write a joint letter to those Superdelegates demanding that they make a decision. Or maybe seperate letters. That's right, three seperate letters. And then a joint letter. Yeah......

3) Twenty Ivy League economist-nerd-types receive their marching orders. Robert Reich endorses Obama in his blog late on the Friday afternoon before the Pennsylvania primary. Obama thinks he hears a fly buzzing near his ear. Then he's distracted by crickets chirping.

4) Peggy Noonan [WSJ 4-19-08] thinks it "would be a brilliant thing" for John McCain "to announce he means to be a one-term president, that he means to have a clean, serious, one-term presidency in which he will do things those under pressure of re-electon do not and cannot do." Hmmm....an instant lame-duck GOP President trying to persuade a Democratic Congress to do things his way. Hmmm....Here's another idea for McCain. He picks Andy Rooney for his running mate, unleashes his hair-trigger temper and changes his campaiugn slogan to: "Hey you kids! Get off of my lawn!"

5) June 3, 1992, Bill Clinton plays his sax on The Arsenio Hall Show. April 21, 2008, Hillary, Barack and John McC appear on World Wrestling Entertainment's Monday Night Raw. Pop culture. It's the only culture we have.

6) From the "Really tough jobs" Department: Sadr City Department of Public Works. As quoted in this week's NYT: Sgt. Alex J. Plitsas of the 312th Psychological Operations Company, says, "He who is able to fix the public utilities holds the keys to the kingdom in terms of winning the support of the Iraqi people and ultimately ending this conflict." A world and several decades away, Tip is still right.

7) Get Me Jack Germond! Stat! Writing in the Boston Phoenix this week [4-24-08], Steven Stark says that Democrats "may have only one option at this point: they can turn to Al Gore." No. Wait. It gets better. He goes on to say that "some senior Democrats...would have to publicly urge Gore to make a run." Wait. Wait. Then he says that Gore supporters could run a write-in campaign in either Kentucky or Oregon, suggesting the latter might work because Jerry Brown placed third there in a write-in effort in the 1976 primary. I still think Curly put it best when he said: "YYNNGG, YYNNGG, YYNNGG."

8) Julie Nixon Eisenhower maxed out in giving to Obama during the primaries. Somewhere Pat Nixon stands quietly laughing on the inside.

9) You're missing the point. It's a "loss leader" strategy. The latest USA Today/Gallup Poll survey [4-22-08] shows President Bush's approval rating at 28% and his disapproval rating at 69%. That's the highest disapproval rating of any president in the Gallup Poll's 70-year history. So it's all blue sky from here on out.

10) Imagine Florida 2000 with guns, machetes, bombs and "torture camps" - Victorious opposition party leaders [the Movement for Democratic Change] failed to block a government-ordered recount of Zimbabwe's "disputed" election returns. They're "disputed" because the ruling party [i.e. that of well-known thug Robert Mugabe] lost control of the lower house of Parliament for the first time since 1980. If you want to help, send lawyers, guns and money.

Playing Politics since 1869

2008-04-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

April 17, 2008

1) Note to Sen. Obama: Forget "small town bitter." Be more concerned about "Big City bitter," particularly in light of your campaign's decision not to spread any "street money" around Philly!

2) Sen. McCain says that, among other places, he'll go as far as "South Philly" to meet with and address the concerns of black voters. Well, if you say so Lt. Cmdr. But it may be time to radio in for new coordinates.

3) Sniper Fire Redux: Bill Clinton shines a light in that dark political graveyard where all bad campaign press goes to die. Time to hit the links, Mr. President. Really. No, really.

4) Post Modern Political Commentary rears its ugly head: Chris Matthews to Andrea Mitchell, as they go to a commercial break, MSNBC 1 p.m. EST, 4-15-08: "We and the voters share a love of truth. Politicians love the other." [Note: Quote not taken out of context. This is it in its entirety.]

5) From the "People who need to get out more" Department: "People are sick of this Bush bashing stuff!" Mary Matalin, Meet the Press 4-13-08.

6) Fox News, 5:40 p.m. EST 4-11-08: Host: "Obama is expected to emphasize the age difference with McCain." No. Your eyes will do that.

7) "No man is an island." Oh wait, there's one! Sen. Lieberman, asked if he will deliver a keynote address at the GOP Convention endorsing McCain, replies, "If he asks me to do it, ....I will." [The Hill 4-15-08]

8) "Teddy R. Says Hello!" In the ever evolving debacle that is the New Jersey GOP U.S. Senate primary contest, the state party has now turned to former Rep. Dick Zimmer, who lost the 1996 U.S. Senate race there by ten points, to enter the fray, after businessman Andy Unanue suddenly withdrew. St. Sen. Joe Pennacchio, who was already in the primary race to begin with, promises he'll file a lawsuit to keep Zimmer out, saying that he'd only get out of the race if the state party exhumed "President Theodore Roosevelt, who died in 1919, and get[s] him to run."

9) Picking a Running Mate Rule #37: "If John McCain picks a young guy in a jogging suit, it's an incredibly stupid move because it's like 'the casting rule.' You know, if you're Robert Redford's agent, and they want Brad Pitt to be the co-star, and you're like, 'No, we want Ernest Borgnine.' You know, it's a balancing act." Mike Murphy, Meet the Press, 4-13-08.

10) Yes Lord Vader. Of course, Lord Vader. China's state news agency, after branding House Speaker Nancy Pelosi as "disgusting," demands CNN apologize for commentator Jack Cafferty's reference to the Chinese Gov't as being run by a bunch of "goons." CNN complies.

Playing Politics since 1869

2008-04-10T18:49:00.000-07:00

April 11, 2008

1) April 4, 2008 - New York Times Op-Ed page - Bob Shrum pens piece urging Hillary to stay in the race. Collective Democratic heart skips beat, then returns to normal rhythm upon realizing that Shrum is not involved in running either the Clinton or Obama campaigns.

2) Politics 101: Mark Penn's demise. Anonymous insider to The Washington Post: "She couldn't get rid of Mark until he gave her the rope."

3) You haven't really practiced politics 'til you've walked around with an envelope of "walkin' around money." Herbert Alexaner, father of campaign finance research, has passed. As quoted in his obits: "It's been drummed into people time and again that money in politics is bad, that the people who give money are seeking some special favor, that the politicians are all on the take. But sometimes, it turns out all these wealthy people who give are just expressing their political views. The end result is messy and cluttered and contradictory - sort of like democracy itself."

4) MSNBC 3:35 p.m. EST 4-9-08 onscreen headline: "McCain briefly confuses Shia, Sunni, corrects himself."

5) Washington Post 4-8-08: Spike Lee speaks truth to Clintons: "I voted for Clinton twice, but that's over with. These old black politicians say, 'Ooh, Massuh Clinton was good to us, massuh hired a lot of us, massuh was good!' Hoo! Charlie Rangel, David Dinkins - they have to understand this is a new day." In the words of Mr. Tom Petty, "Hey, Spike, you're scarin' my wife."

6) Roger Stone - GOP Secret Agent Man - Spitzer, Penn - Where will he strike next? [Really great how MSM has forgotten all about those swinger ads.]

7) Political Tin Ear Awards 2008 Nominee: Sen. Jeff Sessions (R., Alabama), speaking on PBS the night of Gen. Petraeus' report to Congress: "I couldn't be happier!" about the surge, etc.

8) This week's "GOP Sky is Falling" report: In March, Pennsylvania's Bucks and Montgomery counties become "Majority Democratic registration" counties. Yeah, they'll be changing back, right?

9) HBO's "John Adams" 4-6-08: "Impartiality is always partial, John." Thomas Jefferson to John Adams, countering Adams' argument that the Washington Administration must retain "impartiality" in the war between Britain and France.

10) "Hell, I had 'em with me one day, and the next day I didn't. That's how you know."
Former Oklahoma Senator and 1976 Presidential contender Fred Harris (D), explaining that once he lost Iowa and New Hampshire, his press coverage disappeared and his campaign was over. [The Washington Post 4-6-08]

Playing Politics Since 1869

2008-04-03T13:25:00.000-07:00

April 3, 2008

1) David Brooks on Meet the Press (3-30-08), moaning that the Democratic nomination race is "a debate led by political hacks who are going to demean it in all the worst possible ways." What's wrong with that? "Political hacks" are the bedrock of democracy.

2) Bob Casey endorses Obama. Who here believes the story that it's because he took his daughters' advice? A show of hands, please.

3) James Carville's "Judas" rap. And the cablenet hosts all gasp - "And he still hasn't apologized!" That's 'cause he's one of those pesky fellas who actually means what he says!

4) Tom Cole, the NRCC and The NYT Magazine cover story (3-30-08). Say what you will kids, but there's somebody who's going to learn a thing or two about losing. And while we're on the subject, isn't Mark Gersh the closest Washington has ever come to having its own Yoda?

5) Peter O'Toole as Pope Paul III on the season premiere of The Tudors (3-30-08), asking why someone doesn't just get rid of the "putant," Anne Boleyn? Alas poor Elliot, if only you lived in the 16th century.

6) Reintroducing John McCain. I don't get it. Does this version end differently? The first one was a little pitchy.

7) About that "Superdelegate convention" idea. Yeah, they've already scheduled one of those. It's in Denver. In August.

8) About that "Why can't Dean stop this?" idea. And the precedent for that would be.....?????

9) The new series of MSNBC political education campaign bumpers has that Keith Olbermann person telling us that sometimes we "as a people must ignore partisanship." Okay. You first.

10) Where's that third gubernatorial sex scandal everyone was talking about? (And no, the "he had to watch" thing in Jersey doesn't count.)