1) Please! There are children listening! Riffing off of Ross Perot's 17-year-old image of the dangers of NAFTA, Ohio Rep. Steve LaTourette (R) takes to the House floor to proclaim, "Today there's another sucking sound. The tightening of sphincters on both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue." At least he didn't use a chart and pointer to illustrate his argument.
2) The Albert Camus of the GOP: House GOP leader John Boehner (R., Ohio) on where his folks stand now: "As I told my colleagues, we don't have enough votes to legislate. We are not in the majority. We are not kind-of in the minority; we are in a hole. They ought to get the idea out of their minds that they are legislators. But what they can be is communicators." Communicators from down in the hole? Huh? You mean like the kids who fall in the well? Why not just start talking about your collective dark night of the soul?
3) We don't go for that up in these parts: New Hampshire Sen. Judd Gregg (R) on the Obama Administration's idea of bypassing that bipartisanship thingy on health care legislation: "That would be the Chicago approch to governing: Strong-arm it through. You're talking about the exact opposite of bipartisanship. You're talking about running over the minority, putting them in cement and throwing them in the Chicago River." I think you're confusing Chicago with New Jersey. But hey, how do you do it up in New England? Take them ice fishing after the first thaw?
4) Desperate times call for better wisecracks: New Hampshire (again with New Hamphire? What's up with these guys?) Rep. Paul Hodes (D) really let A.I.G. CEO Edward Liddy have it this week, telling the witness at the House Financial Services Subcommittee hearing that "A.I.G. stands for Arrogance, Incompetence, and Greed." Why do we feel that you spent the entire time waiting to be called on to speak just praying that nobody else on the panel used that one? Whew! Bet he never saw that one coming.
5) Don't you love it when an election campaign comes gift wrapped? Sorry Gov. Paterson. We're sure you've heard that there's this crisis down on Wall Street and well, Attorney General Andy Cuomo is raising hell about it. And people really like that. So, you know, next year shouldn't come as a surprise, okay? [And you really know Cuomo is riding high when his only critic is former NY Gov. Eliot Spitzer, who went on WNYC radio this week to say that the bonuses are merely "the flavor of the month." Dude, your political instincts are sharp as ever! Just leave the money on the table, okay?]
6) Worst caucus name ever: Either incredibly calculating or deeply hidden Ob Administration secret agent Sen. Evan Bayh (D., Indiana) goes on MSNBC's "Morning Joe" to announce that he is leading a group of 16 moderate Senate Democrats to foresee that things like spending don't get too far out of control. And that he's calling his group "the Practicality Caucus." Wasn't that one of the numbers in "The Pajama Game?" What, was "The Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Caucus" taken?
7) Hey everybody! There's a Senate race in Connecticut! Note to Chris Dodd: When did it all start to go wrong? Was it moving the whole family to Iowa two years back? Geez, who'd have thought we'd be hearing from Rob Simmons again so soon? And just for future reference, never stand in front of a microphone and begin a sentence with the words, "Had I known at the time.." 'cause nobody really listens to what comes next anyway.
8) Why Ross Thomas should be required reading before anybody gets in politics: Rep. Paul Kanjorski (D., Pennsylvania) summed up so much of this week's mess with the observation: "I'm sick and tired of hearing the administration and the Secretary of the Treasury say, 'I just found out about it.'" Things started to go downhill in American politics when folks ignored the importance of the guy [or gal] who used to be known as "the go-between." Tweets just don't do it.
9) Worst "Big New Idea" ever: Thankfully not everyone is really going to jump on Wisconsin Sen. Russ Feingold's (D) bandwagon to change the Constitution to require Senate vacancies to be filled only by elections. It's people like this who want to take out every bit of fun left in politics.
10) Introducing "The Taft Diet" The recent NYT piece on the new National Archives "Big!" exhibit [a collection of all that is large sized in American history] contains not only some anecdotes on our biggest President - 340-pound William Howard Taft - but also his own note about losing 70 pounds after he left office: "I have dropped potatoes entirely from my bill of fare and also bread in all forms." He stopped drinking and went on to observe that "Too much flesh is bad for any man." He would've been a great get for Chelsea Lately.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Pol is to Politics as Twit is to Twitter
1) Mikey, we hardly knew ye: How long before Grandmaster Steele reaches out to Bobby Brown? Really, the only way the RNC could be any more entertaining is if they had put Gary Busey in charge. Then they'd all be riding big choppers and attending ritual fire ceremonies. Hey, there's still time....
2) Best pop culture "grok" of politics this week: On this week's "Big Love" [HBO 3-8-09] Bill's American Indian business partner Jerry explains why the Western Utes have put the kibosh on their casino plans: "Welcome to the dirty world of tribal politics. We haven't been good with the Utes since the Blackfoot War of 1877. They're an arrogant treaty tribe. Not all of us had it handed to us on a silver platter." Proving again that politics is as all American as cherry pie. Sorry, Cardinal Richelieu.
3) "Ladies and gentlemen, P. T. Barnum lives!" The new "Man in Black" has the Grumpy Old Party runing scared. Or at least driving slowly past the car wreck and saying nothing. Rush, time to cover "Hurt." Really.
4) Well at least somebody found a theme: Sen. Richard Shelby, interviewed on ABC's "This Week" [3-8-09] first opined that "The American people don't trust the banks." Then, when asked about whether he'd be okay with the fall of Citibank, replied, "Well, whatever." Can you hear it, "The GOP, whatever, it's all good." Let the focus groups begin.
5) Never have so few talked so long about so little: Rick Santorum and Greta Van Sustern tackle the evils of earmarks [Fox 3-9-09]. Stunning in their lack of ability to comprehend what politics is all about. Obvious that neither ever had to get a bridge fixed. Really. Neither.
6) Best political writing of late: Richard Cohen on what's likely coming our way: "The rage that is coming will change the politics of our time. Barack Obama will either figure out how to channel it, as Franklin D. Roosevelt did, or he will be flattened by it, as Lyndon Johnson was. Obama's challenge might even be greater than FDR's." [NYDN 3-3-09]
7) Wealthy, famous, inexperienced candidate alert! The buzz that columnist Larry Kudlow may be considering a run against Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd next year. Larry, Larry, Larry. Sure, Dodd's a bit behind now but he does scream back and he's got the only Senate Committee chairmanship that really matters this cycle. Twenty months of roasting Wall Street on a spit will make him a new man. You just watch.
8) Here comes the political "Catcher in the Rye" Rod Blagojevich has garnered a six-figure-deal to spill everything about what his publicist terms "the dark side of politics." So I guess there's going to be a lot of stories about having to eat deep-fried candy bars and getting your wife's third-cousin a job. Am I right people?
9) The most entertaining 2010 U.S. Senate race continues: Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning continues to war against NRSC Chairman John Cornyn and fellow KTY Sen. Mitch McConnell, both of whom want him out of his reelection race. Says one GOP fundraiser interviewed by Politico [3-3-09], "The easiest way to get rid of [Bunning] is not give him any money." Well, yeah, except that he's obviously gone to ground and will be running this campaign from the bunker.
10) Advise and Consent: First the WP runs a pointless front-page story about the old FBI investigation into whether LBJ aide Jack Valenti was gay. Then the WSJ runs a story implicating LBJ press aide Bill Moyers' participation in the affair. Then Moyers writes a letter to the WSJ defending himself and alluding to his working in a Senate office building the day a gunshot rang out one floor above him as "a U.S. Senator comitted suicide over his son's outing." For those interested in political history, it was Wyoming Sen. Lester C. Hunt. Hunt's son had been arrrested for soliciting prostitution from an undercover male police officer in Lafayette Square. The story goes that Republican senators blackmailed Hunt, forcing him to resign or have his son be outed in the press back home. Hunt was a Democrat and the Wyoming Gov. was a Republican. So Hunt brought a rifle into his Senate office and killed himself.
2) Best pop culture "grok" of politics this week: On this week's "Big Love" [HBO 3-8-09] Bill's American Indian business partner Jerry explains why the Western Utes have put the kibosh on their casino plans: "Welcome to the dirty world of tribal politics. We haven't been good with the Utes since the Blackfoot War of 1877. They're an arrogant treaty tribe. Not all of us had it handed to us on a silver platter." Proving again that politics is as all American as cherry pie. Sorry, Cardinal Richelieu.
3) "Ladies and gentlemen, P. T. Barnum lives!" The new "Man in Black" has the Grumpy Old Party runing scared. Or at least driving slowly past the car wreck and saying nothing. Rush, time to cover "Hurt." Really.
4) Well at least somebody found a theme: Sen. Richard Shelby, interviewed on ABC's "This Week" [3-8-09] first opined that "The American people don't trust the banks." Then, when asked about whether he'd be okay with the fall of Citibank, replied, "Well, whatever." Can you hear it, "The GOP, whatever, it's all good." Let the focus groups begin.
5) Never have so few talked so long about so little: Rick Santorum and Greta Van Sustern tackle the evils of earmarks [Fox 3-9-09]. Stunning in their lack of ability to comprehend what politics is all about. Obvious that neither ever had to get a bridge fixed. Really. Neither.
6) Best political writing of late: Richard Cohen on what's likely coming our way: "The rage that is coming will change the politics of our time. Barack Obama will either figure out how to channel it, as Franklin D. Roosevelt did, or he will be flattened by it, as Lyndon Johnson was. Obama's challenge might even be greater than FDR's." [NYDN 3-3-09]
7) Wealthy, famous, inexperienced candidate alert! The buzz that columnist Larry Kudlow may be considering a run against Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd next year. Larry, Larry, Larry. Sure, Dodd's a bit behind now but he does scream back and he's got the only Senate Committee chairmanship that really matters this cycle. Twenty months of roasting Wall Street on a spit will make him a new man. You just watch.
8) Here comes the political "Catcher in the Rye" Rod Blagojevich has garnered a six-figure-deal to spill everything about what his publicist terms "the dark side of politics." So I guess there's going to be a lot of stories about having to eat deep-fried candy bars and getting your wife's third-cousin a job. Am I right people?
9) The most entertaining 2010 U.S. Senate race continues: Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning continues to war against NRSC Chairman John Cornyn and fellow KTY Sen. Mitch McConnell, both of whom want him out of his reelection race. Says one GOP fundraiser interviewed by Politico [3-3-09], "The easiest way to get rid of [Bunning] is not give him any money." Well, yeah, except that he's obviously gone to ground and will be running this campaign from the bunker.
10) Advise and Consent: First the WP runs a pointless front-page story about the old FBI investigation into whether LBJ aide Jack Valenti was gay. Then the WSJ runs a story implicating LBJ press aide Bill Moyers' participation in the affair. Then Moyers writes a letter to the WSJ defending himself and alluding to his working in a Senate office building the day a gunshot rang out one floor above him as "a U.S. Senator comitted suicide over his son's outing." For those interested in political history, it was Wyoming Sen. Lester C. Hunt. Hunt's son had been arrrested for soliciting prostitution from an undercover male police officer in Lafayette Square. The story goes that Republican senators blackmailed Hunt, forcing him to resign or have his son be outed in the press back home. Hunt was a Democrat and the Wyoming Gov. was a Republican. So Hunt brought a rifle into his Senate office and killed himself.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Anyone equating the Stimulus with "the Soviet grain quotas of Stalin's time" will never get to be a Stimdog Billionaire.
1) I knew they should have gone with that "Wow Towel" guy: Note to Bobby J., next time you address the nation do not assume the body posture of Andy Kaufman's "Latka" character from "Taxi." You spoke like someone else had control of your mind. Oh wait, I guess they did.
2) If I stay there will be trouble....: Two things are pretty obvious at this point in the Roland Burris saga. First, never send Dick Durbin to muscle anybody. Second, Burris must be holding the Immunity Idol. It's the only thing that makes sense.
3) Maybe they'll start dating: In what's shaping up as potentionally the most entertaining Senate race of the 2010 cycle, both Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council and porn star Stormy Daniels are reportedly interested in running in the GOP primary against incumbent Louisiana Sen. David Vitter. If things keep going this way, one day soon TMZ will rule this town too.
4) Flash! T.R. spins in grave! While promoting his new tome, "Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the America Dream," Samuel J. Wurzelbacker (i.e. "Joe") makes his second recent stop in D.C. to speak about all things conservative. In response to a question from Politico about the possibility of his running for a House seat, Joe said, "If I became a congressman I would literally bang people's heads together and probably get in a lot of trouble." [Insert Moe Howard reference here.]
5) You can't Google institutional memory: West Virginia Sen. Robert Byrd came out swinging at the Obama Administration this week, charging that their plans to create various policy "czar" positions in the White House "can threaten the Consitutional system of checks and balances. At the worst, White House staff have taken direction and control of programmatic areas that are the statutory responsibility of Senate-confirmed officials." Scoff if you must but once he goes, there goes the Chamber's last link to the Roman Senate - and the last person to understand why that matters. But we will still have plenty of folks who Twitter. Oh goody.
6) Profiles in Courage 2009: Minnesota's GOP Governor Tim Pawlenty agrees with others in his party who have criticized the president's stimulus package, calling it a "meandering spending buffet." However, as he told the WP, he is "going to accept the money" on behalf of his state because, "For many Republicans, it's not our bill, but it is now the law..."
7) A politician without a clue is a former politician: In this week's case of yet another politician who "didn't know it was a racial stereotype," Los Alamitos, California, Mayor Dean Grose apologized for sending out an e-mail photo which depicted the White House lawn as a watermelon patch. And Mr. Mayor, BTW, in case you also didn't know, a stereotype does not refer to "SONY."
8) Alert to political history buffs: As to all this "twittering" that went on in the chamber during the President's speech to the joint session this week, does anybody remember Hubert H. sitting there playing with an Etch A Sketch while LBJ was talking? Dana Milbank in his WP column reports on Texas Rep. John Culberson (R) doing a pre-speech live streaming video on Qik.com using his camera phone and then breathlessly assuring his audience that "I'll do one more broadcast and then I will tweet from the floor." Where are we headed, people?
9) Why business success rarely equals political success, Volume 46: Former chief executive of eBay, Meg Whitman (she of the pointless and dull 2008 GOP Convention speech), says that she is running for governor of California in 2010. She told the NYT, "I'm pretty convinced that the next governor of California is going to have to plant herself in Sacramento 24/7, 365 days a year. It's going to require listening, understanding policy alternatives, and building collaboration and relationships that allow the state to move forward. It's another eBay." No, it's not. It's really not. Somebody tell her now. Please.
10) On the other hand: There's money. There's real money. There's Stimulus money. And then there's Bloomberg money. As the New York Post reports, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg intends to begin his reelection TV spots "well before May 18," the date on which he started running spots during his 2005 reelection campaign. That year he spent $1 million a week on TV spots alone. This year he's also set to open "nearly two dozen campaign offices around the five boroughs as early as April." Yo Mike! When can we get some of that, ya know, walkin' around money, ya know?"
2) If I stay there will be trouble....: Two things are pretty obvious at this point in the Roland Burris saga. First, never send Dick Durbin to muscle anybody. Second, Burris must be holding the Immunity Idol. It's the only thing that makes sense.
3) Maybe they'll start dating: In what's shaping up as potentionally the most entertaining Senate race of the 2010 cycle, both Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council and porn star Stormy Daniels are reportedly interested in running in the GOP primary against incumbent Louisiana Sen. David Vitter. If things keep going this way, one day soon TMZ will rule this town too.
4) Flash! T.R. spins in grave! While promoting his new tome, "Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the America Dream," Samuel J. Wurzelbacker (i.e. "Joe") makes his second recent stop in D.C. to speak about all things conservative. In response to a question from Politico about the possibility of his running for a House seat, Joe said, "If I became a congressman I would literally bang people's heads together and probably get in a lot of trouble." [Insert Moe Howard reference here.]
5) You can't Google institutional memory: West Virginia Sen. Robert Byrd came out swinging at the Obama Administration this week, charging that their plans to create various policy "czar" positions in the White House "can threaten the Consitutional system of checks and balances. At the worst, White House staff have taken direction and control of programmatic areas that are the statutory responsibility of Senate-confirmed officials." Scoff if you must but once he goes, there goes the Chamber's last link to the Roman Senate - and the last person to understand why that matters. But we will still have plenty of folks who Twitter. Oh goody.
6) Profiles in Courage 2009: Minnesota's GOP Governor Tim Pawlenty agrees with others in his party who have criticized the president's stimulus package, calling it a "meandering spending buffet." However, as he told the WP, he is "going to accept the money" on behalf of his state because, "For many Republicans, it's not our bill, but it is now the law..."
7) A politician without a clue is a former politician: In this week's case of yet another politician who "didn't know it was a racial stereotype," Los Alamitos, California, Mayor Dean Grose apologized for sending out an e-mail photo which depicted the White House lawn as a watermelon patch. And Mr. Mayor, BTW, in case you also didn't know, a stereotype does not refer to "SONY."
8) Alert to political history buffs: As to all this "twittering" that went on in the chamber during the President's speech to the joint session this week, does anybody remember Hubert H. sitting there playing with an Etch A Sketch while LBJ was talking? Dana Milbank in his WP column reports on Texas Rep. John Culberson (R) doing a pre-speech live streaming video on Qik.com using his camera phone and then breathlessly assuring his audience that "I'll do one more broadcast and then I will tweet from the floor." Where are we headed, people?
9) Why business success rarely equals political success, Volume 46: Former chief executive of eBay, Meg Whitman (she of the pointless and dull 2008 GOP Convention speech), says that she is running for governor of California in 2010. She told the NYT, "I'm pretty convinced that the next governor of California is going to have to plant herself in Sacramento 24/7, 365 days a year. It's going to require listening, understanding policy alternatives, and building collaboration and relationships that allow the state to move forward. It's another eBay." No, it's not. It's really not. Somebody tell her now. Please.
10) On the other hand: There's money. There's real money. There's Stimulus money. And then there's Bloomberg money. As the New York Post reports, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg intends to begin his reelection TV spots "well before May 18," the date on which he started running spots during his 2005 reelection campaign. That year he spent $1 million a week on TV spots alone. This year he's also set to open "nearly two dozen campaign offices around the five boroughs as early as April." Yo Mike! When can we get some of that, ya know, walkin' around money, ya know?"
Friday, February 20, 2009
"The Chair recognizes the distinguished gentleman from Ponzi Land"
1) Hey Mikey! Way to build that big tent! Newly minted RNC chief Michael Steele says that the GOP needs "to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets." Get me Matt Roloff! Stat! (And just what does "uptick" mean, exactly?)
2) Do you think Winnie would ever Twitter? According to a profile of House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (Virginia) in this week's WP [2-16-09], he "is studying Winston Churhill's role leading the Tories in the late 1930s, a principled minority that was eventually catapulted into power over the Labor Party." Of course we assume he's following the daily alcohol regimen as well or else he's missing the whole point.
3) They sure is! Big Brain Team of Rivals II dude Sir Lawrence Summers to the NYT [2-17-09]: "Politics are hard to predict." Not really. Just think of the word as a verb and realize that at least half the time it's headed straight for you.
4) Words of Wisdom from Big John: Longest-serving-House-member-in-history Rep. John Dingell (Michigan) told the NYT [2-9-09] "I'm not one who thinks Washington is an evil place. Bad people do bad things here, but they do them everywhere." And, "The curse of this business is that they'll primarily remember you for how long you were here, rather than for what you did."
5) Val Kilmer to run for New Mexico Governor: Just remember Val, campaign like Jim Morrison but govern like Bruce Wayne. No wait, campaign like the guy in Heat and govern like the guy in Wonderland. Better yet, buy up all the copies of The Salton Sea. Hey dude, you just don't need the hassle.
6) Dangerous ideas heard in Washington: Texas GOP Rep. Jeb Hensarling on the prospects of his party coming back: "If you get the principles right in the first place....the politics will take care of itself." [WP 2-9-09] Huhhhh????? Psst! Hey, over here. I got some voter lists to sell you....Really, nobody's seen these. I'll give you a good price.
7) Memo to Judd Gregg: Just for fun, why don't you get all dressed up and get a briefcase and just show up at the Commerce Department next week. You know, like just say, "I'm reporting for work. Can someone show me to my office?" It'll be a scream, I tell you. Unless of course you've changed your mind again....
8) Best Soap Opera of the 2010 cycle so far: Kentucky GOP Sen. Jim Bunning continuing to insist that he's running for reelection while everyone around him says he shouldn't. After NRSC Chair John Cornyn tells the press he' still not sure what Bunning's doing, Bunning tells Politico that Cornyn is "either deaf or he doesn't listen very well." Highly entertaining.
9) This thing of ours: Testifying during his fraud trial this month, former Pennsylvania State Sen. Vincent J. Fumo, a political maestro who lived and breathed politics for more than 30 years, tried to explain that political work can be all encompassing: "I never, ever thought in my wildest imagination would someone ask me, did I keep a log of when did I talk politically, when did I talk personally. Maybe it's good that I resigned because I would not know how to live under that standard today."
10) What YouTube teaches us: Drop what you are doing, go to YouTube, type in "Nixon Archie Bunker" and listen to Nixon, Ehrlichman and Haldeman in the Oval Office on May 13, 1971. The subject matter is an episode of "All in the Family." Nixon describes watching an episode for the first time, thinking that it was a movie. Both aides explain the show's premise to their boss and you hear the one-time leader of the free world say, "Arch is the guy's name," and opine that he is pretty sure that Arch's son-in-law "goes both ways." It is riveting and explains oh so much. [Thanks to the brilliant Norm MacDonald for the heads up on this.]
2) Do you think Winnie would ever Twitter? According to a profile of House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (Virginia) in this week's WP [2-16-09], he "is studying Winston Churhill's role leading the Tories in the late 1930s, a principled minority that was eventually catapulted into power over the Labor Party." Of course we assume he's following the daily alcohol regimen as well or else he's missing the whole point.
3) They sure is! Big Brain Team of Rivals II dude Sir Lawrence Summers to the NYT [2-17-09]: "Politics are hard to predict." Not really. Just think of the word as a verb and realize that at least half the time it's headed straight for you.
4) Words of Wisdom from Big John: Longest-serving-House-member-in-history Rep. John Dingell (Michigan) told the NYT [2-9-09] "I'm not one who thinks Washington is an evil place. Bad people do bad things here, but they do them everywhere." And, "The curse of this business is that they'll primarily remember you for how long you were here, rather than for what you did."
5) Val Kilmer to run for New Mexico Governor: Just remember Val, campaign like Jim Morrison but govern like Bruce Wayne. No wait, campaign like the guy in Heat and govern like the guy in Wonderland. Better yet, buy up all the copies of The Salton Sea. Hey dude, you just don't need the hassle.
6) Dangerous ideas heard in Washington: Texas GOP Rep. Jeb Hensarling on the prospects of his party coming back: "If you get the principles right in the first place....the politics will take care of itself." [WP 2-9-09] Huhhhh????? Psst! Hey, over here. I got some voter lists to sell you....Really, nobody's seen these. I'll give you a good price.
7) Memo to Judd Gregg: Just for fun, why don't you get all dressed up and get a briefcase and just show up at the Commerce Department next week. You know, like just say, "I'm reporting for work. Can someone show me to my office?" It'll be a scream, I tell you. Unless of course you've changed your mind again....
8) Best Soap Opera of the 2010 cycle so far: Kentucky GOP Sen. Jim Bunning continuing to insist that he's running for reelection while everyone around him says he shouldn't. After NRSC Chair John Cornyn tells the press he' still not sure what Bunning's doing, Bunning tells Politico that Cornyn is "either deaf or he doesn't listen very well." Highly entertaining.
9) This thing of ours: Testifying during his fraud trial this month, former Pennsylvania State Sen. Vincent J. Fumo, a political maestro who lived and breathed politics for more than 30 years, tried to explain that political work can be all encompassing: "I never, ever thought in my wildest imagination would someone ask me, did I keep a log of when did I talk politically, when did I talk personally. Maybe it's good that I resigned because I would not know how to live under that standard today."
10) What YouTube teaches us: Drop what you are doing, go to YouTube, type in "Nixon Archie Bunker" and listen to Nixon, Ehrlichman and Haldeman in the Oval Office on May 13, 1971. The subject matter is an episode of "All in the Family." Nixon describes watching an episode for the first time, thinking that it was a movie. Both aides explain the show's premise to their boss and you hear the one-time leader of the free world say, "Arch is the guy's name," and opine that he is pretty sure that Arch's son-in-law "goes both ways." It is riveting and explains oh so much. [Thanks to the brilliant Norm MacDonald for the heads up on this.]
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
"'Partisan' & 'Politics' go together like two peas in a pod, Jenny."
1) "Whoopi, I tell ya, I'm feelin' more and more like a minority myself!" Just who is counseling Blago these days? Positioning yourself as the "anti-Nixon" and saying "Play the tapes!" ain't bad when you're in a ditch. Of course, after citing Mandela, Dr. King and the Mahatma, he reportedly went on to mention "Ray Milland, Aleister Crowley, Dylan Thomas, Che, Walt Whitman, Keith Moon, James Dean, Sonny Corleone, Allen Ginsburg, Carrot Top and Gummo Marx."
2) "Where is the girl I used to know?" After too many days of mindless cable news punditry about the whole Caroline K. fiasco, social commentator Artie Lange gets it all in one succinct sentence: "She is not good at the game 'cause she never played the game." [The Howard Stern Show 1-22-09]
3) From the "Hey! Didn't you used to be somebody?" Dept. : Former Rep. Dick Armey, moments before personally insulting Salon's Joan Walsh on MSNBC's "Hardball [1-28-09]," defined "this thing of ours" thus: "Politics is juvenile delinquency....Don't let politics define anything. It's silly, inane." Dickster, leave yourself out of this!
4) "Of course, Lord Vader. At once, Lord Vader." When it comes to looking like a quisling, you just can't beat Georgia GOP Rep. Phil Gingrey's bowing and begging for Rush Limbaugh's forgiveness. Don't worry Phil, he had no idea who you were two days ago, and he's not hoping you fail.
5) Can you say "contested primary?" Note to Gov. Dave P.: If someone invites you "up to the Vineyard," just say you're busy. We hear that's the last invite Judge Crater got.
6) Voices of Reason (yes, it's a short list): Former GOP Rep. J. C. Watts, quoted in this week's E.J. Dionne column [WP 1-26-09], cautioning his former Republican House mates on their approach to the new Administration: "Be careful how you throw eggs at this parade."
7) Hey Trotsky! Lighten up, dude. The Daily Kos' Markos Moulitsas goes after Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine for taking the DNC chair while remaining governor: "Running a party should be a full-time job, and anything less than that is not giving the job what it deserves." Something tells us that long before you were even born, there were guys (and gals) holding office, running the party, making a living and whatever else had to be done. Not a problem. Really. It's okay.
8) Yeah, I guess he was right: Eliot Cohen's thoughtful piece on government and punditry in last week's WSJ [1-23-09] begins: "'You become a political scientist,' a beloved teacher of mine once said, 'because you're either afraid of power, or fascinated by it.'"
9) Things you don't hear in Washington: Ms. Oprah (I could be a Senator if I wanted to but, I don't want to) Winfrey, to her television show guests the day before the Inauguration: "Don't we all feel like we are sort of vibrating?" "It's buzzing," offered Ashton Kutcher. "I'm shaking," said wife Demi.
10) Let's hope we never hear these three names in the same sentence again: According to political history scribes at the WP [1-22 & 1-23-09], President Obama now becomes the seventh president to have re-taken the oath of office for some reason or another. Also on the list, "Calvin Coolidge and Chester A. Arthur."
2) "Where is the girl I used to know?" After too many days of mindless cable news punditry about the whole Caroline K. fiasco, social commentator Artie Lange gets it all in one succinct sentence: "She is not good at the game 'cause she never played the game." [The Howard Stern Show 1-22-09]
3) From the "Hey! Didn't you used to be somebody?" Dept. : Former Rep. Dick Armey, moments before personally insulting Salon's Joan Walsh on MSNBC's "Hardball [1-28-09]," defined "this thing of ours" thus: "Politics is juvenile delinquency....Don't let politics define anything. It's silly, inane." Dickster, leave yourself out of this!
4) "Of course, Lord Vader. At once, Lord Vader." When it comes to looking like a quisling, you just can't beat Georgia GOP Rep. Phil Gingrey's bowing and begging for Rush Limbaugh's forgiveness. Don't worry Phil, he had no idea who you were two days ago, and he's not hoping you fail.
5) Can you say "contested primary?" Note to Gov. Dave P.: If someone invites you "up to the Vineyard," just say you're busy. We hear that's the last invite Judge Crater got.
6) Voices of Reason (yes, it's a short list): Former GOP Rep. J. C. Watts, quoted in this week's E.J. Dionne column [WP 1-26-09], cautioning his former Republican House mates on their approach to the new Administration: "Be careful how you throw eggs at this parade."
7) Hey Trotsky! Lighten up, dude. The Daily Kos' Markos Moulitsas goes after Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine for taking the DNC chair while remaining governor: "Running a party should be a full-time job, and anything less than that is not giving the job what it deserves." Something tells us that long before you were even born, there were guys (and gals) holding office, running the party, making a living and whatever else had to be done. Not a problem. Really. It's okay.
8) Yeah, I guess he was right: Eliot Cohen's thoughtful piece on government and punditry in last week's WSJ [1-23-09] begins: "'You become a political scientist,' a beloved teacher of mine once said, 'because you're either afraid of power, or fascinated by it.'"
9) Things you don't hear in Washington: Ms. Oprah (I could be a Senator if I wanted to but, I don't want to) Winfrey, to her television show guests the day before the Inauguration: "Don't we all feel like we are sort of vibrating?" "It's buzzing," offered Ashton Kutcher. "I'm shaking," said wife Demi.
10) Let's hope we never hear these three names in the same sentence again: According to political history scribes at the WP [1-22 & 1-23-09], President Obama now becomes the seventh president to have re-taken the oath of office for some reason or another. Also on the list, "Calvin Coolidge and Chester A. Arthur."
Friday, January 16, 2009
"Even Richard Nixon has got soul" - from Neil Young's "Campaigner"
1) So long, it's been (somethin', somethin') to know you... Geez Georgie, there you were surrounded by staff and family, explaining the last eight years, and no sooner do you finish then ABC starts running an episode of "Scrubs." Ouch. It was almost like it didn't happen. Hey Georgie, when things calm down we'll catch up for lunch, okay. You take care now, Georgie.
2) "Here's a little ditty by a young dude named Yeats and it goes like this..." Blago Agonistes. C'mon, face it, you all know he's only guilty of one thing - political malpractice. Or, as former Louisiana Gov. Earl Long put it: "Don't write anything you can phone, don't phone anything you can talk face to face, don't talk anything you can smile, don't smile anything you can wink and don't wink anything you can nod." [Hey Mr. Prosecutor, good luck with that whole "jury of his peers" thing.]
3) Chauncey Gardiner goes to Washington (again): Seventy-one-year-old Roland Burris comes to town, stays cool, stares down his fellow Democrats, stays on message, and wins. Hey Harry Reid, we got your post-racial politics right here! Burris for Senate 2010.
4) Wasn't it called "Andersonville?" Conservative talking head Larry Schweikart, author of "48 Liberal Lies," on Fox 1-13-09: "If there was a Gitmo in his time, [President Abraham] Lincoln would not have shut it."
5) Pearls of Washington Wisdom #485: Former Nebraska Sen. Bob Kerrey explaining what it's like to be in the minority party in the Senate: "The chairman [of a committee] - especially with 58 to 59 in the voting caucus - drives the car and chooses the destination. The ranking [minority member] rides shotgun on a good day. On a bad day, he or she is in a carpool with the chairman's staff." [Wash. Post 1-13-09]
6) Forget "Political Science," let's just start calling it "Political Math": Jan Witold Baran, former general counsel to the RNC, explains a contested election: "The position of candidates in disputed elections depends on whether one is perceived as ahead or behind in the vote count. The tactic of someone who is ahead is to declare victory and create an air of inevitability. The tactic of someone behind is to cast doubt on the legitimacy of the opponent's claim." [Wash. Post 1-7-09]
7) Worst campaign slogan of the year so far: Terry McAuliffe's anouncement that he would be running for Governor of Virginia included the words "Yes, we can do it again this year."
8) R.I.P. former Rhode Island Sen. Claiborne Pell, at age 90: Diplomat, investment banker and wise old pol. A man from another time, back when you could truthfully utter the words, "I yield to the gentleman from Rhode Island." Looking back on his 1960 race for the Senate decades later, Pell recounted, "My opponent called me a cream puff...Well, I rushed out and got the bakers' union to endorse me."
9) From the "What passes for political commentary these days" Department: This whole Ann Coulter "thing" - Since when does anyone have to get their nose rubbed in the marketplace of ideas by someone who's never even gotten a street paved? Whatever happened to good old fashioned shunning? Quick, Food Channel, give her a cooking show!
10) What Lyndon knew and when he knew it: From the LBJ tapes archive [CBS News 12-4-08], the President calls VP Hubert Humphrey and urges him to pick Hawaii Sen. Daniel Inouye as his 1968 running mate: "He answers Vietnam with that empty sleeve. He answers your problems with Nixon with that empty sleeve. He has that brown face...The South can't get mad at him because he's colored. And he would appeal to every other minority because he is one." HHH replied that the move would, well, "I guess maybe it just takes me a little bit too far, too fast."
2) "Here's a little ditty by a young dude named Yeats and it goes like this..." Blago Agonistes. C'mon, face it, you all know he's only guilty of one thing - political malpractice. Or, as former Louisiana Gov. Earl Long put it: "Don't write anything you can phone, don't phone anything you can talk face to face, don't talk anything you can smile, don't smile anything you can wink and don't wink anything you can nod." [Hey Mr. Prosecutor, good luck with that whole "jury of his peers" thing.]
3) Chauncey Gardiner goes to Washington (again): Seventy-one-year-old Roland Burris comes to town, stays cool, stares down his fellow Democrats, stays on message, and wins. Hey Harry Reid, we got your post-racial politics right here! Burris for Senate 2010.
4) Wasn't it called "Andersonville?" Conservative talking head Larry Schweikart, author of "48 Liberal Lies," on Fox 1-13-09: "If there was a Gitmo in his time, [President Abraham] Lincoln would not have shut it."
5) Pearls of Washington Wisdom #485: Former Nebraska Sen. Bob Kerrey explaining what it's like to be in the minority party in the Senate: "The chairman [of a committee] - especially with 58 to 59 in the voting caucus - drives the car and chooses the destination. The ranking [minority member] rides shotgun on a good day. On a bad day, he or she is in a carpool with the chairman's staff." [Wash. Post 1-13-09]
6) Forget "Political Science," let's just start calling it "Political Math": Jan Witold Baran, former general counsel to the RNC, explains a contested election: "The position of candidates in disputed elections depends on whether one is perceived as ahead or behind in the vote count. The tactic of someone who is ahead is to declare victory and create an air of inevitability. The tactic of someone behind is to cast doubt on the legitimacy of the opponent's claim." [Wash. Post 1-7-09]
7) Worst campaign slogan of the year so far: Terry McAuliffe's anouncement that he would be running for Governor of Virginia included the words "Yes, we can do it again this year."
8) R.I.P. former Rhode Island Sen. Claiborne Pell, at age 90: Diplomat, investment banker and wise old pol. A man from another time, back when you could truthfully utter the words, "I yield to the gentleman from Rhode Island." Looking back on his 1960 race for the Senate decades later, Pell recounted, "My opponent called me a cream puff...Well, I rushed out and got the bakers' union to endorse me."
9) From the "What passes for political commentary these days" Department: This whole Ann Coulter "thing" - Since when does anyone have to get their nose rubbed in the marketplace of ideas by someone who's never even gotten a street paved? Whatever happened to good old fashioned shunning? Quick, Food Channel, give her a cooking show!
10) What Lyndon knew and when he knew it: From the LBJ tapes archive [CBS News 12-4-08], the President calls VP Hubert Humphrey and urges him to pick Hawaii Sen. Daniel Inouye as his 1968 running mate: "He answers Vietnam with that empty sleeve. He answers your problems with Nixon with that empty sleeve. He has that brown face...The South can't get mad at him because he's colored. And he would appeal to every other minority because he is one." HHH replied that the move would, well, "I guess maybe it just takes me a little bit too far, too fast."
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
"You know, she and Jerry were a big thing. Like Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd." - Kosmo Kramer
1)Is that all there is? Hey Gov. Richardson! Congrats on becoming Secretary of St...um, I mean, Secretary of Commerce...yeah, hey, it's not that much of a difference, ya know...still in the Cabinet and all, yep, hey, who needs all that press attention and international headaches and all anyway, right? Still, you know, wouldn't it be ironic if back in the spring Ob kinda thought you were a Judas too? I mean, I'm just sayin', that would be ironic!
2) Why we miss him: Former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, on Lame Duck sessions of Congress: "In my 35 years in Congress, I have probably been through 15 or 16 lame-duck sessions. They are always a mess, accomplish little or nothing and wind up being an embarassment to everybody. One time I think I got rolled by Newt and the House guys. And it was a mess." [NYT 11-21-08]
3) That's "K Street," with a "D": Peter Metzger, vice chair of recruiting firm CT Partners, on the rush for K Street lobbying forms to dump their GOP executives and hire Democratic staffers: "People who need to get something done know what the price of a drink is. This may sound teribbly Washington, but access trumps expertise." [WSJ 11-25-08] Yes, it does, but that's okay.
4) Remember when all you had to worry about was whether they paid taxes on the help? Among the possible contenders for a slot on the Federal Communications Commission in the new Obama Administration is University of Pennsylvania business professor Kevin Werbach, a self-professed player of the virtual-reality game, "World of Warcraft." According to Werbach, he plays bcause it's "fun" and "because I believe MMOGs [massively multiplayer online games] will be one of the primary forms of social software for the next decade." [NYPost 11-22-08] Hey Kevin, better keep this to yourself. Members of Congress are still trying to understand the concept of "bowling alone."
5) Best post-election commentary: Tom Korologos in the NYT [1-23-08], offering up his "Memo" to the incoming White House staff. Among his pointers, "If you feel you won't have time to talk when you return a call, place the call before 9 a.m., or during the lunch period, or after 6 p.m. Chances are good the caller will be out, but you will get credit for returning the call." So, politics is really just about life skills. I knew it!
6) Never let them see behind the curtain: "There are no illusions here." The comment of an anonymous insider on the appointment of former Biden COS Ted Kaufman to take the Senator's open Senate seat until the 2010 special election, when Joe Biden III will be free to run. Just as long as the Chair doesn't address him as "Senator place holder."
7) So we're guessing he's not running ever again: According to the WP's "In The Loop" column [WP 11-26-08], defeated Pennsylvania Rep. Phil English "shuttered his offices and has been turning away constituent work, even though he and his staff remain on the federal payroll until January," including abandoning the process of recommending candidates for the military service academies, leaving those young people and their parents hanging.
8) More evience that political skills are learned in high school: Henry Waxman dethrones John Dingell from Chair of the House Energy and Commerce Committee. As Rep. Mike Doyle (D., Pa.) explained, "You bumped into a lot of freshmen who said Mr. Waxman was very good to them. The freshman and the sophomore class didn't know John or had never served with him. It's a sad ending for someone who's given so much of his life to the Democratic Party, the Congress and the country. He deserved better." [NYT 11-23-08] Or, as Rep. Marcy Kaptur (D., Ohio) put it: "Right at the moment I'm weeping for the heartland. It's Hollywood versus Detroit - I mean, think about it." [WSJ 11-21-08]
9) So, you get that's sort of why you lost, right? John Raese, GOP opponent who failed to defeat West Virginia Sen. Robert C. Byrd in 2006: "Seemed like when we were in our campaign bus, and every highway and road was named after him - that's a lot of advertising." [WP 11-20-08]
10) Life in the other Democracies: After Polish Foreign Minister Radek Sikorski was quoted as saying "Have you heard that Obama may have a Polish connection? His grandfather ate a Polish missionary," a spokesperson for the Polish foreign office explained, "Mr. Sikorski did not tell a racist joke. He was only giving an example of the unpalatable and racist 'jokes' that surround President Elect Obama." [Telegraph.co.uk 11-18-08]
2) Why we miss him: Former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, on Lame Duck sessions of Congress: "In my 35 years in Congress, I have probably been through 15 or 16 lame-duck sessions. They are always a mess, accomplish little or nothing and wind up being an embarassment to everybody. One time I think I got rolled by Newt and the House guys. And it was a mess." [NYT 11-21-08]
3) That's "K Street," with a "D": Peter Metzger, vice chair of recruiting firm CT Partners, on the rush for K Street lobbying forms to dump their GOP executives and hire Democratic staffers: "People who need to get something done know what the price of a drink is. This may sound teribbly Washington, but access trumps expertise." [WSJ 11-25-08] Yes, it does, but that's okay.
4) Remember when all you had to worry about was whether they paid taxes on the help? Among the possible contenders for a slot on the Federal Communications Commission in the new Obama Administration is University of Pennsylvania business professor Kevin Werbach, a self-professed player of the virtual-reality game, "World of Warcraft." According to Werbach, he plays bcause it's "fun" and "because I believe MMOGs [massively multiplayer online games] will be one of the primary forms of social software for the next decade." [NYPost 11-22-08] Hey Kevin, better keep this to yourself. Members of Congress are still trying to understand the concept of "bowling alone."
5) Best post-election commentary: Tom Korologos in the NYT [1-23-08], offering up his "Memo" to the incoming White House staff. Among his pointers, "If you feel you won't have time to talk when you return a call, place the call before 9 a.m., or during the lunch period, or after 6 p.m. Chances are good the caller will be out, but you will get credit for returning the call." So, politics is really just about life skills. I knew it!
6) Never let them see behind the curtain: "There are no illusions here." The comment of an anonymous insider on the appointment of former Biden COS Ted Kaufman to take the Senator's open Senate seat until the 2010 special election, when Joe Biden III will be free to run. Just as long as the Chair doesn't address him as "Senator place holder."
7) So we're guessing he's not running ever again: According to the WP's "In The Loop" column [WP 11-26-08], defeated Pennsylvania Rep. Phil English "shuttered his offices and has been turning away constituent work, even though he and his staff remain on the federal payroll until January," including abandoning the process of recommending candidates for the military service academies, leaving those young people and their parents hanging.
8) More evience that political skills are learned in high school: Henry Waxman dethrones John Dingell from Chair of the House Energy and Commerce Committee. As Rep. Mike Doyle (D., Pa.) explained, "You bumped into a lot of freshmen who said Mr. Waxman was very good to them. The freshman and the sophomore class didn't know John or had never served with him. It's a sad ending for someone who's given so much of his life to the Democratic Party, the Congress and the country. He deserved better." [NYT 11-23-08] Or, as Rep. Marcy Kaptur (D., Ohio) put it: "Right at the moment I'm weeping for the heartland. It's Hollywood versus Detroit - I mean, think about it." [WSJ 11-21-08]
9) So, you get that's sort of why you lost, right? John Raese, GOP opponent who failed to defeat West Virginia Sen. Robert C. Byrd in 2006: "Seemed like when we were in our campaign bus, and every highway and road was named after him - that's a lot of advertising." [WP 11-20-08]
10) Life in the other Democracies: After Polish Foreign Minister Radek Sikorski was quoted as saying "Have you heard that Obama may have a Polish connection? His grandfather ate a Polish missionary," a spokesperson for the Polish foreign office explained, "Mr. Sikorski did not tell a racist joke. He was only giving an example of the unpalatable and racist 'jokes' that surround President Elect Obama." [Telegraph.co.uk 11-18-08]
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