"You know, she and Jerry were a big thing. Like Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd." - Kosmo Kramer

1)Is that all there is? Hey Gov. Richardson! Congrats on becoming Secretary of St...um, I mean, Secretary of Commerce...yeah, hey, it's not that much of a difference, ya know...still in the Cabinet and all, yep, hey, who needs all that press attention and international headaches and all anyway, right? Still, you know, wouldn't it be ironic if back in the spring Ob kinda thought you were a Judas too? I mean, I'm just sayin', that would be ironic!

2) Why we miss him: Former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, on Lame Duck sessions of Congress: "In my 35 years in Congress, I have probably been through 15 or 16 lame-duck sessions. They are always a mess, accomplish little or nothing and wind up being an embarassment to everybody. One time I think I got rolled by Newt and the House guys. And it was a mess." [NYT 11-21-08]

3) That's "K Street," with a "D": Peter Metzger, vice chair of recruiting firm CT Partners, on the rush for K Street lobbying forms to dump their GOP executives and hire Democratic staffers: "People who need to get something done know what the price of a drink is. This may sound teribbly Washington, but access trumps expertise." [WSJ 11-25-08] Yes, it does, but that's okay.

4) Remember when all you had to worry about was whether they paid taxes on the help? Among the possible contenders for a slot on the Federal Communications Commission in the new Obama Administration is University of Pennsylvania business professor Kevin Werbach, a self-professed player of the virtual-reality game, "World of Warcraft." According to Werbach, he plays bcause it's "fun" and "because I believe MMOGs [massively multiplayer online games] will be one of the primary forms of social software for the next decade." [NYPost 11-22-08] Hey Kevin, better keep this to yourself. Members of Congress are still trying to understand the concept of "bowling alone."

5) Best post-election commentary: Tom Korologos in the NYT [1-23-08], offering up his "Memo" to the incoming White House staff. Among his pointers, "If you feel you won't have time to talk when you return a call, place the call before 9 a.m., or during the lunch period, or after 6 p.m. Chances are good the caller will be out, but you will get credit for returning the call." So, politics is really just about life skills. I knew it!

6) Never let them see behind the curtain: "There are no illusions here." The comment of an anonymous insider on the appointment of former Biden COS Ted Kaufman to take the Senator's open Senate seat until the 2010 special election, when Joe Biden III will be free to run. Just as long as the Chair doesn't address him as "Senator place holder."

7) So we're guessing he's not running ever again: According to the WP's "In The Loop" column [WP 11-26-08], defeated Pennsylvania Rep. Phil English "shuttered his offices and has been turning away constituent work, even though he and his staff remain on the federal payroll until January," including abandoning the process of recommending candidates for the military service academies, leaving those young people and their parents hanging.

8) More evience that political skills are learned in high school: Henry Waxman dethrones John Dingell from Chair of the House Energy and Commerce Committee. As Rep. Mike Doyle (D., Pa.) explained, "You bumped into a lot of freshmen who said Mr. Waxman was very good to them. The freshman and the sophomore class didn't know John or had never served with him. It's a sad ending for someone who's given so much of his life to the Democratic Party, the Congress and the country. He deserved better." [NYT 11-23-08] Or, as Rep. Marcy Kaptur (D., Ohio) put it: "Right at the moment I'm weeping for the heartland. It's Hollywood versus Detroit - I mean, think about it." [WSJ 11-21-08]

9) So, you get that's sort of why you lost, right? John Raese, GOP opponent who failed to defeat West Virginia Sen. Robert C. Byrd in 2006: "Seemed like when we were in our campaign bus, and every highway and road was named after him - that's a lot of advertising." [WP 11-20-08]

10) Life in the other Democracies: After Polish Foreign Minister Radek Sikorski was quoted as saying "Have you heard that Obama may have a Polish connection? His grandfather ate a Polish missionary," a spokesperson for the Polish foreign office explained, "Mr. Sikorski did not tell a racist joke. He was only giving an example of the unpalatable and racist 'jokes' that surround President Elect Obama." [Telegraph.co.uk 11-18-08]

Team of Rivals? More like the time the Bowery Boys went into business with the Plug Uglies. Or when Lyndon had that talk with Hubert

1) The Queen's Gambit: What an excellent opening move. Don't look into their eyes! Just ride along on the artistry of the thought processes. Like jazz, if you have to have politics explained to you, you'll never understand.

2) Post-Post-Post-Modern Politics: Interviewed 11-10-08 on Fox News, Gov. Sarah Palin says, "I consider myself too a feminist. Whatever that means." Please someone, hurry with that book deal.

3) Rudy Loses Mojo: Speaking in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, this week, Rudy Giuliani says he will consider the New York governor's race and won't rule out running for president again. Hey man, thanks for letting us know. But don't you think you should be home in like, let's says, Elmira, talkin' about these things of ours? Did anyone catch you on camera there? With a lot of suits and robes? I'm just sayin', it might make for a good campaign spot for somebody.

4) So, like so much else in this life, you have to have a taste for it: Fomer Carmel, California, Mayor Clint Eastwood, on running for office in the future: "Not a chance. I enjoyed being mayor of Carmel, but you do see that it is very difficult to get things done. You just have to lose your soul. You have to BS people. You have to deal with people you don't care for and will never be friends with, so you kind of sell yourself out to be a politician. You have to kiss it up with the world. That ain't my style."[NYP 11-9-08]

5) Hurry Sundown: Karl Rove's "History Favors Republicans in 2010" [WSJ 11-13-8] had us perk up our ears to listen. Pretty good until you get to the start of the last graph: "In politics, good years follow bad years." Uh, excuse us giant brain, but you haven't been reading your Francis Fukuyama. You see, there was this election in 2006, and, well..........

6) The answer to the question, "Are today's presidential campaigns just too darn long?" Michael Barone, speaking to a post-election crowd at the Palmer House Hilton in Chicago [Politico.com 11-11-08]: "The liberal media attacked Sarah Palin because she did not abort her Down syndrome baby. They wanted her to kill that child....I'm talking about my media colleagues with whom I've worked for 35 years." Or as Kevin McCarthy put it in the original "Invasion of the Body Snatchers, "They're here! They're here I tell you! They're here!"

7) Honey, do you want the Hungry Man Meat Loaf tonight or this stack of twenties? A tip of the hat to Louisiana's Rep. Wiliam Jefferson, who, although under indictment on bribery charges, won enough votes to avoid a runoff. Hello 10th term! You know, it really is true what they tell you about the importance of constituent service.

8) Hey Ralphie! Ralphie! What've you been up to? Ralph Nader has requested that President-elect Barack Obama allow third-party presidential candidates - himself, Bob Barr of the Libertarian Party, Chuck Baldwin of the Constitution Party, and Cynthia McKinney of the Green Party - to be included in the inaugural festivities. Hey Raphie! Just who should pay for that? According to Nader, "In other Western European countries, it's a political courtesy to have their competitors. It's a demonstration of unity." Hey Ralphie, nice try, but you know, if he invites you he's gotta invite Alan Keyes and whatnot, and then it just get's silly. I know you understand. [WP 11-14-08]

9) Best shot from the hip explaining why Sarah Palin can't go away: Veteran GOP California operative and now head of the University of Southern California's Institute of Politics, Dan Schnur, to the WP's Howard Kurtz [11-13-08]: "Feed the media beast or it's going to feed on you."

10) Most inspiring line of the week: Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, speaking to his fellow GOP governors in Miami [Politico.com]: "I have looked down at the grave of the Republican Party and this ain't it. I've seen it a lot worse." I'm sorry, but that's the kind of thing you tell Clyde Barrow when he asks, "Tell me Doc, how bad is it?"

Brother, can you paradigm?

1) There's something happenin' here: Exit polls from Tuesday's landslide report that voters still willing to call themselves "Republican" dropped to just 32% this year, down 5% from 2004. At the same time, self-professed Democrats rose over the same time frame to 40% from 37%. Or as Robert Borosage, co-director of the Campaign for America's Future [and the brain behind Jesse Jackson's 1988 presidential bid] said this week [Politico 11-7-08], "This is the end of the conservative era." Pat Buchanam said the same thing election night: “I think this is the end of the conservative era.” When two ends of the spectrum agree.....

2) Bow your heads! Sen. Robert Byrd has decided to step down from the chairmanship of the Senate Appropriations Committee, saying, "To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven. Those Biblical words from Ecclesiastes 3:1 express my feelings about this particular time in my life." At least he'll still be on the floor to tell us about Rome, Cicero and his canine companion, "Trouble." How soon before there are no more "giants" in this world's most exclusive club?

3) Nutbush City Limits: So Sarah Palin enters a pre-convention St. Paul hotel room meeting with Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter dressed only in a towel and instructs them to "talk to Todd" until she gets dressed. And then, post-election says, "I don't think anybody should give Sarah Palin that much credit that I would trump an economic, woeful time in this nation that occurred about two months ago... and attribute John McCain's loss to me." [NYDN 11-6-08] Two months ago? Hey, you gotta admit it would have been entertaining.

4) I ain't got no home: Poor "Lonesome Joe" Lieberman. Reduced to having to beg for his chairmanship. Joe, in the weeks ahead, some advice - If a fellow Senator tells you your fly's open, don't look down. Even if it is. And remember, it was never business. It was always personal.

5) They said there's gotta be a recount, I said, "No, no, no." Sen. Norm Coleman leads by only 336 votes, which automaticaly kicks in the state recount, but still has proclaimed victory twice this week. When you got it baby, flaunt it. At least for now.

6) Does somebody have a shield to carry this man outta here? Connecticut Rep. Chris Shays, the last GOP MOC from the Northeast, went down to defeat this week. Said Shays, "I thought I could win, but I always knew I could lose, and I think I had this intuition that I would be killed on the battlefield. I didn't want to retire and be handed some flowers." [NYT 11-6-08]

7) Worst reelection endorsement ever this year: Alaska Rep. Don Young, shilling for Sen. Ted Stevens, said, "I can remember Richard Nixon, you know, his years of service, what he's done, and everybody [was] ridiculing him, and he ended up being the greatest president in the history of our century...The senator will be re-elected. He will appeal it. When he does go, he will win it because there's no way this is a jury of his peers" [WP 11-31-08] Of course, in his last days on the campaign trail the convicted Stevens said, "I have not been convicted of anything yet." So go figure.

8) When you're on the losing end: Campaigning for John McCain just days before the election, House Minority Leader John Boehner criticized Barack Obama's "present" votes when he was in the state legislature, telling a crowd, "In Congress, we have a red button, a green button and a yellow button, alright. Green means 'yes,' red means 'no,' and yellow means you're a chicken shit. And the last thing we need in the White House, in the oval office, behind that big desk, is some chicken who wants to push his yellow button." Six days later, Boehner said of Obama's decision to make Rahm Emanuel his chief of staff, "This is an ironc choice for a president-elect who has promised to change Washington, make politics more civil, and govern from the center."

9) Shouldn't you be doing something important? Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi called President-elect Obama "young, handsome and even tanned." Hey pal, don't you have a lady friend to go see? At least our administrations tend to last from four to eight years. It's 3:00 p.m., isn't it time for your government to fall and reorganize again this week?

10) Great timing: The WSJ chose Election Day to run a front-page piece about academics who think President Herbert Hoover has been getting a bum rap. Said one, "[He is] the most misunderstood and the most underappreciated president." You and Don Young should get together.

Vote early and vote often

1) Politics 103: When defining your opponent, remember to pick a metaphor, symbol or image and just stick with it: Now McC has settled on calling Ob "the redistributor." Hey, is that something under the hood? I think mine is loose. Hey! The wheels came off my narrative! Quick, change the McC campaign theme to "I got a foggy notion." Lou Reed will never know.

2) He can be whatever you want him to be this time around: In response to Chris Matthews asking if he thought Obama was a "Marxist," former Texas Rep. Tom DeLay gave the kind of weak affirmative response that suggested he would have said "yes" had Matthews asked if he thought Obama was really a "Martian." In fact, maybe that's what he heard.

3) When do they "go to ground?" First a McC staffer complains that Gov. Sarah is "going rogue." Then former Bushite, Peter Wehner [WP 10-22-08] suggests that on the run GOP politicians have "gone native." Is this an election or a failed intelligence operation? Who's in charge of "walking back the cat" come Nov. 5th?

4) They can't both be right, can they????!!!! First the GOP House and Senate candidates begin to push the argument that you've got to send them back to Washington to prevent "one party rule." Then McC argues that he must win to prevent "one party rule." It's getting crowded under that bus. Note to McC: Stop calling Obama, [Nancy] Pelosi and [Harry] Reid "a dangerous threesome." When people hear that term they think Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty and Gary Busey. Meet them on your MySpace page.

5) Folks who really are on the "pay-no-mind list": Ralph Nader announced this week that he has set a new record for the most campaign speches delivered in a single day. According to Ralphie Boy, he has delivered 255 minutes of speeches in 21 Massachusetts towns all on the same day. Geez, that's great Ralphie, great. Now, how many Coney Island dogs can you eat in one sitting? And hey, what have you been up to lately?

6) Why Washington gets a bad name: From a WP "Style" section piece [10-26-08] on "How Washinton Plays the Shame Game," suggesting that "It really is hard to know everything you're supposed to know here in a town that incessantly name-drops and bill-drops and amendment-drops, where even the wonkiest among us can be outwonked." Among its anecdotes, a young woman embarassed by meeting a congresswoman who informs her: "I am a congresswoman from your home state. You should know who I am." Oh really??? In the old days, that faux pas would have been your fault congresswoman. You know, not doing a very good job of getting yourself well known and all.

7) The 2008 "Don't play with me or you're playin' with fire" Award for Political Advertising: Goes to North Carolina State Sen. Kay Hagan for her quick retort to U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Dole's TV spot suggesting that Hagan takes money from atheists and believes 'There is no god." In her response, Hagan counters that "I believe in God," has taught Sunday School and that her campaign is about 'creating jobs...not bearing false witness against fellow Christians." Ouch! Hey Liddy, maybe you should have run that one by Bob first.

8) Worst Closing Presidential Television Spot of 2008: To McC for his parade of "normal" folk all proclaiming, face to the camera, "I'm Joe the Plumber." "I'm Spartacus!" this ain't. Not in resonance nor in (gulp) nobility of purpose. Just juvenile yapping. Hey, where's our book and record deals??!!! Hey, why not just go the Reinhold Niebuhr route, you know, "First they came for Joe the Plumber......."

9) MAAAA!!!! We're workin' down here!!!!!!!!: Moments after Ob delivers his 30-minute "closer" spectacular, Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller spend the next 15 minutes arguing over the Sarah Palin doll hanging in effigy on the front porch of a West Hollywood home's Halloween display. Says Miller, "West LA is a tricky place." Yeah, well, there's no need to get graphic here.

10) Roger Clinton, call your office: According to the Washington Post [10-26-08], McC's younger brother Joe, 66, apologized for cursing at a 911 dispatcher after being caught up in a traffic jam on a local bridge. Earlier in October, while out on the campaign trail for his brother, he referred to Virginia's Northern, Alexandria and Arlington Counties as "Communist country."

What's an election for, if it isn't to divide people? - Vice President Spiro T. Agnew

1) "See you in Napa!" is no way to rev up the troops: Speaking at a joint appearance at the National Press Club this week, DSCC Chair Chuck Schumer predicted that it was "possible" for Dems to hit the 60-seat mark in the Senate. His counterpart, John Ensign, chair of the GOP's Senate campaign committee, conceded that "it's also possible that, you know, [Republicans] end up with 44, 45, 46 votes left in the U.S. Senate." As for his post-election plans, Ensign said, "I'm taking my wife to Napa Valley. And so we'll either be able to celebrate or drown our sorrows." [Politico.com 10-21-08]

2) Remember when candidates quoted Lincoln and Jefferson? Gov. Sarah Palin, on CNN [10-21-08], "I'm not going to call [Obama] a socialist, but as Joe the Plumber suggested...."

3) Speaking of which: New philosopher king Joe "the plumber" Wurzelbacher, speaking to CBS Evening News anchor Katie Couric, described Obama's original answer to his question as a "tap dance" which was "almost as good as Sammy Davis Jr." Hey Joe, where you goin' with that wrench in your hand?

4) Things you haven't seen in the NYT in a long while: Interviewing voters down in Mobile, Alabama, NYT reporter Adam Nossiter [NYT 10-15-08] quotes one James Halsey, described as a part of an environmental cleanup crew standing in a Wal-Mart parking lot, as saying of Obama, "He's going to tear up the rose bushes and plant a watermelon patch" at the White House. Another voter interviewed, Ricky Thompson of Mobile, said of the Democrat, "He's neither-nor. He's other. It's in the Bible. Come as one. Don't create other breeds." Uhhhh....I don't feel so good......

5) Our slacker brothers and sisters to the north: Voter turnout for Canada's general election last week was the lowest ever recorded. Just 59.1 percent of eligible voters made it to the polls, breaking the previous low turnout record of just under 61 percent set back in 2004. Come on, if you try you can get below 50 in 2012! Choad!! [Yahoo! Canada News 10-15-08]

6) Uh oh, somebody woke up Tom Hagen: Speaking at a GOP fundraiser last week, actor Robert Duvall lambasted "the super-nerd George - what's his name? George Wills..[sic]..and Tommy Thompson. The original block of wood," for their criticism of the McC/Palin ticket. [WP 10-15-08]

7) From the "Ten things I hate about you" desk: Peggy Noonan, on Sarah Palin [WSJ 10-18-08]: "But we have seen Mrs. Palin on the national stage for seven weeks now, and there is little sign that she has the tools, the equipment, the knowledge or the philosophical grounding one hopes for, and expects, in a holder of high office. She is a person of great ambition, but the question remains: What is the purpose of the ambition?" Peggy, let's face it, we all can't be expected to have philosophical groundings, now, can we?

8) God only knows: Lori Lipman Brown, director of the aetheist lobbying group, Secular Coalition of America, bemoans the lack of aetheist participation in American politics. "We should have a base of at least 30 million Americans to work with. And yet those who are active are a much smaller percentage. We're probably looking at just a few hundred thousand active participants. It's hard to even quantify." [NYT 10-18-08] Maybe you can call for a meeting after church in the basem....oh, sorry, that won't work....let's see, where do they congregate?

9) How to lose your seat without even trying: First Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann tells Chris Matthews that Ob "may have anti-American views" and calls for the news media to investigate her fellow members of Congress to find out, "Are they pro-America or anti-America?" [MSNBC "Hardball" 10-17-08] Then North Carolina Rep. Robin Hayes tells a crowd that "liberals hate real Americans that work and accomplish and achieve and believe in God." [Politico.com 10-21-08] Then the money pours in and both are on the run. I guess HUAC ain't comin' 'round anytime soon.

10) So they're like most folks, huh? Veteran political reporter Jeff Greenfield, explaining why the press is talking the way they are about the presidential race: "One piece of press bias is they don't like losers. When the whiff of defeat surrounds a campaign, the press picks up on it the way sharks smell blood in the water, and then it becomes a feedback loop." [WP 10-20-08]

As all students of politics know, whether they read Sun Tzu or listen to Stevie Wonder, it's essential to take "higher ground" and hold it.

1) Why the founders had the foresight to seperate Church and State: Former pastor Arnold Conrad of the Grace Evangelical Free Church of Davenport, Iowa, prayed to God this week for a McCain win: "There are millions of people around this world praying to their god - whether it's Hindu, Buddha, Allah - that [McCain's] opponent wins, for a variety of reasons. And Lord, I pray that you will guard your own reputation, because they're going to think that their God is bigger than you, if that happens." Lookin' out for God's street rep, huh? Dude, do you think Buddha really cares who wins the U.S. presidency? Although we understand that he is trying to get Shiva to take the over/under on total Electoral votes.

2) Custer notes that it's a sunny day: McC, on the eve of the third and final presidential debate: "My friends, we've got them just where we want them." Time to "unleash Chang," my friend. [Check with 41 about this.]

3) The passing of a pro: John R. Reilly, 80, Democratic party operative from the time of the Kennedys right up until today, of cancer at the Washington Home Hospice. He was the guy who went upstairs to tell Geraldine Ferraro that she was Mondale's choice. As he once observed to Newsweek, he had hit the "third stage" of political notoriety: "First, 'Who is John Reilly?' Then, 'Get me John Reilly.' Next, 'Get me a John Reilly.' And then: 'John Reilly - who's he?'" [WP 10-14-08]

4) From the "Folks who don't take politics seriously," Department: New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, on his rift with Bill Clinton: "Have I heard from President Clinton? No. It could be pretty much a permanent fissure. But that's politics: that's O.K. I did what I thought was best for the country. I'm still very fond of the Clintons. I've reconciled with her, but with him, he wants to keep a grudge, that's fine with me. I move on. I'm governor of New Mexico. I'm happy where I am." Cool. When's your term up? [NYT 10-10-08]

5) Uh, Uh, I've got to do my hair that night: Florida Gov. Charlie Crist tells the McC crew that he'll help out when his schedule permits. Geez, Charlie, and after going and getting engaged and all that. Hey, do you think that when Skynyrd sang "Ooh, ohh that smell, can't you smell that smell?" they were talking about the losing end?

6) Wasilla Sleigh Ride: Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin braves the ice to start a Philly Flyers game last week, weathers the boos and the catcalls, despite dressing her little one in a Flyers jersey. Can 20,000 Philadelphia hockey fans be wrong? The next day she enters her own private Twilight Zone, explaining that she was cleared of any ethical wronging in the Troopergate story although the state report found her guilty of ethical wrongdoing. Kafka, call your office. [Hey Sarah, when you keep saying, "America, we cannot just afford another big spender in the White House," you are comparing Ob to the current President, right?]

7) You know, that "Give us Barrabus" thing had a bad end: McC Campaign Manager Rick Davis on the angry crowds at McC and Palin events: "I don't think it's that big a deal. I think political rallies have always attracted people who have an emotional connection to the outcome of an election."[NYT 10-11-08]

8) No, no, how about we hook them up to batteries for electroshock to be administered by the viewing audience?: Indiana 9th District GOP Party Chair Larry Shickles called for Democratic Rep. Baron Hill, his GOP challenger Mike Sodrel, and Libertarian candidate Eric Schansberg all to be hooked up to polygraph machines for their upcoming debate on October 21st. Sodrel and Schansberg agreed. Hill is apparently still sane.

9) Where you been? Headline on the front page of the Washington Post 10-12-08: "Issue of Race Creeps Into Campaign."

10) What money makes you say: On Karl Rove being paid gobs of money to speak to audiences, his new Fox News colleague Howard Wolfson, former honcho of the Hillary for President Campaign, said, "There is an incredible amount of interest in what Karl Rove has to say." [NYT 10-11-08]

When you believe in things that you don't understand: The return of the Know Nothings!

1) Remember, a wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse: So many thanks to Gov. Palin for correcting Joe Biden in last week's debate. Joe, the mobs don't shout "Drill! Drill! Drill!" "The chant is drill, baby, drill." Where would we be without her?

2) What politics can learn from sports: When the Baltimore Colts left town it was under cover of darkness and moving as quietly as possible. When McC left Michigan he issued his own press release. Or as the GOP's former Yoda, Karl Rove, explained, "Some of the best strategies are the strategies that you don't draw attention to." [NYP 10-05-08] Or, "Leave Michigan so soon you should not." [Special aside to the Governor, "Yes, Sarah, we have to."]

3) Things (and people) that don't exist any more: Testy ol' McC to The Des Moines Register's ed board: "Realllyyy????? I haven't detected that in the polls; I haven't detected that among the base. If there's a Georgetown cocktail party person who, quote, calls himself a conservative who doesn't like her, good luck."

4) Learned Hand #1: The Bard of Michigan politics, Bill Ballenger, editor of his Inside Michigan Politics newsletter, on the McC withdrawal: "I have never seen this in a presidential election at any time, in the last 50 years." [USA Today 10-03-08]

5) Learned Hand #2: A tie between two veteran GOP veteran gurus, Jan van Lohuizen ["The crisis has affected the entire ticket. The worse the state's economy, the greater the impact."] and Neil Newhouse ["The bailout crisis has had a corrosive effect on the national political environment, and that impacts not just John McCain, but GOP candidates up and down the ticket."] [WP 10-04-08]

6) I KNEW IT!!!! Political scientist Gary C. Jacobson, UC San Diego, proclaims: "Party identification is part of your social identity, in the same way you relate to your religion or ethnic group or baseball team." [WP 9-29-08] Someone please cue "Us and Them."

7) Another reason mail-in ballots are catching on: According to an article in the latest Journal of the American Medical Association, on average, 24 more people died in automobile crashes during voting hours on presidential Election Days than on other Tuesdays in October or November. An 18% increase in risk of death. The study looked at traffic fatalities going back to 1976. [NYP 10-01-08]

8) And this week's award for best political writing goes to: The late Marjorie Williams, whose latest collection of writings was assembled by husband Timothy Noah. From Reputation: Portraits in Power: "Washington is not the only city that lauds and rewards a gifted manager. But only Washington, gazing on that package of skill, energy, calculation, and discipline that constitutes the successful 'player,' insists on calling it virtue." Reviewed by David M. Shribman in last Friday's WSJ [WSJ 10-03-08]

9) Mudcat Saunders explains the world (again): On Mark Warner's success in Virginia, first as Democratic Governor, and now as forthcoming Democratic U.S. Senator: "Mark Warner has become part of the culture. We accept him as part of who we are, if for no other reason - God damn, he got V.P.I. into the A.C.C.! I mean, it's a big damned deal." [The New Yorker 10-06-08]

10) The latest Maytag Repairwoman of GOP politics: Christine O'Donnell, the Republican candidate challenging Joe Biden in his Senate reelection bid in Delaware this year. [He's running simultaneously for veep and for reelection to his seat.] Says Christine, who can't manage to engage her opponent, "He doesn't have any signs up, billboards up or stickers." [Politico.com 10-04-08] She has been endorsed by Buzz Aldrin.

American politics, in essence, remains a math problem. Do you have the votes?

1) Hey McC! What's in your wallet? "If there is a deal with the House involved, it's because of John McCain." Sen. Lindsey Graham (R., S.C.) in the WP [9-27-08]. So now that the deal fails, what's that say? Huh? Speak up.

2) Politics 302: Humility goes a long way in politics. Sarah Palin to Katie Couric (CBS Evening News 9-30-08), contrasting herself with Joe Biden's three decades of experience: "I'm the new energy. The new face. The new ideas." Never believe your own hype.

3) Last week's financial crisis debacle in a nutshell: Dana Milbank [WP 9-26-08], describing the scene among House Republicans after McC's announcement that he was suspending the campaign and heading to D.C. :"'Daddy's coming home!" joked one.'"

4) What those debates are really like: Jim Lehrer, who has moderated more presidential debates than any other living being, on the tension at the scene: "You can smell it. It's under your arms and in your toes. It is extraordinary what these guys go through." Jim, they have stuff for that now. See your pharmacist.

5) AAAAHHHHH!!! It's him!!!! Commenting on the first '08 presidential debate for The Huffington Post, Bob Shrum said, "Tonight I think we know who the next president will be." Can't somebody get him work in France or something?

6) Bill Agonistes: Appearing on CNN's "Larry King Live" last week, President Bill Clinton explained that he would campaign for Obama after his Clinton Global Initiative ended and after "the Jewish holidays."He added that when he campaigned in Florida he may be assigned to "sort of hustle up what Lawton Chiles used to call the 'cracker vote' there." Following Clinton's appearance on NBC's "The Late Show" the previous night, Chris Rock said to David Letterman, "Is it me, or he didn't want to say the name Barack Obama?"

7) Dumbest column on the McCain decision to suspend his campaign: And the Award goes to Dick Morris and Eileen McGann [NYP 9-25-08], calling it a "bold move" that "helps the country, too." It gets better. "McCain's power in the current situation comes from a simple fact - he, not Obama, can cut the deal by getting President Bush and Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson to back a 'bailout plus' bill." Dude, have any American candidates since Clinton actually paid for your advice?

8) Across the great divide: Rep. Alcee Hastings (D., Florida), in comments to a gathering sponsored by the National Jewish Democratic Council, "If Sarah Palin isn't enough of a reason for you to get over whatever your problem is with Barak Obama, then you damn well had better pay attention. Anybody toting guns and stripping moose don't care too much about what they do with Jews and blacks. So, you just think this through." [ABC News 9-24-08]

9) What was it, parent-teacher night at CBS? Something strange about McC's joint apearance with Sarah Palin before Katie Couric this week to clear up a few things. Kind of like your dad coming down to set that troublesome grade school teacher straight. "And while were at it, you're giving her too much homework, too."

10) Letting his inner Ed Rollins play out: Ed Rollins, to the NYT [9-28-08], "This isn't a lame-duck administration. This is a dead-duck administration."

"Finance is a gun. Politics is knowing when to pull the trigger." - Don Lucchesi, Godfather III

1) Yale Economics: "I decided to act and act boldly. Turns out there's a lot of inter, inter links between the financial system." President George Bush, in the Rose Garden last week. For a similar take, consider the words of "Floyd the Barber" on "The Andy Griffith Show" - "Hey Andy! Did you see that new laundromat up in Mount Pilot? She's a real beauty Andy, a real beauty."

2) How To Do Politics: Chapter 24: Former Secretary of State James A. Baker, on CNN's roundtable of former Secretaries of State [9-20-08], on the Iranian problem: "I think a well-placed, quite private phone call" would be the right approach. Is there any other kind?

3) Ya think? The New York Post's Charles Hurt, suggesting last week that Speaker Nancy Pelosi would depose Charlie Rangel and describing Charlie: "He's perhaps Pelosi's highest-profile committee chairman."

4) Lady de Rothschild feels your pain: Endorsing McC on CNN last week, Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild, she of the Rothschilds, explained away her sudden split from the party of Hillary by proclaiming that the Dems had developed a bad reputation "with the likes of Adlai Stevenson" and others as their presidential candidates. So Lynn, did Barack do too much organizing down at your local community center, or what?

5) There's politics and there's business. Do we really need any more proof? Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, touting McC by explaining that neither he nor alas, poor Sarah, were CEO material. Yikes! So Carly, what exactly were those political plans of yours?

6) Or as Charlie Peters put it - "How Washington really works" WSJ reporter Elizabeth Williamson, writing about what the top Washington lobbyists for the financial services industry are up to: "It is the 'dirty little secret in town,' said one financial-services lobbyist - that after lambasting lobbyists on the stump, the candidates need their counsel on how to respond to a crisis with origins too complicated for most industry outsiders to understand."[9-19-08]

7) This better turn out to be a really good scene in Woodward's next book: On the crisis meeting with Secty. Paulson, Chuck Schumer says, "When you listened to them describe it, you gulped." And Chris Dodd says, "We have never heard language like this." Please, somebody, give us the full quote already.

8) "Political Turmoil in Thailand Boosts Business for Astrologers" That's a headline from last week's WSJ [9-15-08], explaining that after "two years of political unrest," everyone in Bangkok is running to astrologers for a look into their fortunes, including former "billionaire prime minister" Thaksin Shinawatra, who says that he "frequently refers to the alignment of the stars." Of course he was deposed in a 2006 coup so, you know,............

9) A sacred practice lives on: According to a report in The Guardian [9-15-08], at least six Brazilian political candidates, on the ballot in October's municipal elections, have chosen to run under the now-popular name, "Barack Obama." Brazilian election law allows candidates to run under assumed names. Cool! What a system! [Of course, we cannot in good conscience speak of this subject [changing your ballot name] without bowing our heads in homage to an American master of the technique - Johnston, Rhode Island, Town Administrator Mario R. Russillo, who passed away on March 10, 2001. Running for office in 1964 and recognizing the importance of ballot position, Mario changed his name to "aRussillo." Challenged for reelection four years later by a wiseguy named "aRusso," Mario one-upped with "aaRussillo" and won another term.]

10) Who's more bitter: “I believe that the president is exhausted and the vice president has been marginalized, and what you now have is the Washington interests…dominating the administration. We have now launched big-government Republicanism.”
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich on the federal bail-out of Wall Street
Or...
"For McCain, politics is always operatic, pitting people who agree with him against those who are 'corrupt' or 'betray the public's trust,' two categories that seem to be exhaustive - there are no other people." George F. Will [WP 9-23-08]

The Secret of American Politics: No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be, The only one for me is you, and you for me, So happy together

1) See Scott and Sarah run a state: Since when did the 2008 presidential race become Roman Hruska's revenge? "Quit it, Todd!!" The First Dude, indeed.

2) You might want to check with the late John Tower about that: Fred Thompson on the stump last week for Sarah Palin: "This woman has undergone the most vicious assault we've ever seen in public life." [MSNBC 9-10-08]

3) Check out the big brain on Bob: Bob Barr backs out of the third-party-unity movement before it starts, saying, "This is not a time, as Dante Alighieri said many years ago, to remain neutral....To paraphrase him, woe be unto those who remain neutral." You know, the "epic poem fan" vote has pretty much gone to hell in recent cycles.

4) Drop everything: And read today's Norman J. Ornstein op-ed in the Wash Post (9-15-08). Commenting on the skills that the next president will need to bring "change" to Washington, Ornstein says, "That kind of consensus is forged through the political process. It's done by finding allies and building coalitions via intense bargaining and politicking. The skills needed are far more likely to be possessed by Washington insiders than iconoclastic outside reformers." Go insiders!

5) Livin' in the future: Why do we foresee a Palin presidency as ominous? Some weird mix of "Wild in the Streets" and "Advise and Consent." But then again, there was that whole Agnew thing.

6) How we lived before MySpace: Commenting on the fact that Sen. McC often hugs Gov. Palin on the trail, Democrat Geraldine Ferraro explained that she and Vice President Walter Mondale never touched while campaigning together because they didn't want people to think they "were dating."Never crossed our mind. Honest.

7) Why American politics ain't what it used to be: Chuck Norris is the guest on CNN's "Larry King Live" last week to comment on the presidential race. Chuck was also hawking his new tome, "Black Belt Politics." He says he's studied our problems and has come up with the answers. Uh oh.

8) Get me Jack Germond! Stat! We knew this would be the ultimate consequence of Gov. Bill Clinton appearing in People magazine way back when. Now "The View's" Joy Behar trips up McC on his ads - "We know that those two ads are untrue." And "TMZ" shows Biden gaffes! We can hardly wait to see Mary Hart explain the electoral college. That comes on Nov. 5th.

9) Politics 101: "The correct way to eat crow": Alaskan Sen. Lisa Murkowski's comments on Sarah Palin went largely unmentioned during the GOP convention except by one short note in the NYT [9-4-08]. Frank's daughter said, "It is an absolute historic moment for the state of Alaska. People need to know how excited people here, in this convention hall, are about Sarah, our Sarah." Well done.

10) Why don't these people ever run for County Commissioner first? In one of the more surreal moments on CNN's "Lou Dobbs" in recent memory, Lou banged the gong again about the need to overturn the convictions of two U.S. Border Patrol agents, turning to guest Chuck Baldwin, Constitution Party presidential candidate, and asking what viewers can do to help. Baldwin replies that they can "vote for me" and the first thing he'll do as President is to commute their sentences. Okay Chuck, so what else can they do?

vet (vet) v. 1 to find nasty secrets before they find you/Remember to vet her.

1) Remember this come the morning of Nov. 5th: If McC wins the election, "Sarah Palin may be the vice president, but Joe Lieberman and Lindsey Graham, that's the kitchen cabinet." Chuck Todd, MSNBC [9-2-08]

2) The new journalism is a lot like the old math: So the Daily Kos lets anybody post anything. Or as Markos Moulitsas said, "I feel a little weird about the questions being asked, but I also feel a little weird about saying, 'Shut up, people.' It takes a lot for me to step in and squash what's on Daily Kos." [WP 9-2-08] Just think for a moment, what if it was all a set up. But that would be really deep politics now, wouldn't it? And let's not even go there. Still....

3) Hey Joe, where you runnin' with that speech in your hand? Will there be retribution for Lieberman's sins? Guess it all depends on how those Senate races go. But something tells me his parking space may be moved down a few levels. And his office might get replastered and painted. Like once a week.

4) I see politics future: Check out the new Maytag Repairman commercial where he emerges from a voting booth with a bunch of mangled punch cards, hanging chads and all and tells everyone he fixed the jam in the machine.

5) When ya got the podium, flaunt it baby, flaunt it: Rudy so loved the applause that he went long and bumped the Sarah Palin bio film. Great to be back on the boards, right Rudy? But now it's gone.

6) Hot mic! Hot mic! Comin' thru here! Hot mic! Special thanks to Peggy Noonan and Mike Murphy for putting the pageantry in perspective. Noonan: "The most qualified? No. I think they went for this - excuse me - political bullshit about narratives." Murphy: "The greatness of McCain is no cynicism, and this is cynical." [Politico.com 9-3-08]

7) My opponent has masticated a snail, I tell you! Mike Huckabee, during his GOP convention speech [9-3-08], said that he wasn't bothered by Ob going to Europe, but that "It's what he brought back. European ideas!" that really got him going. Is this about that whole kissing thing or what?

8) So Tony says to Paulie.....: Kudos to New Jersey Rep. Rob Andrews. Loses that dumb Senate primary try in June but has his wife run for, and win, the nomination for his House seat. Now pulls the old switcheroo and he's back in the saddle. Webster's should just list "New Jersey" as one of the definitions for the word "politics." You make us all proud, Rob.

9) Wha? Huh? Wha?: Veteran GOP pollster/strategist Whit Ayres on why this year's GOP convention's sarcastic tone was nothing like the 1988 GOP convention's culture war: "There is a difference between sarcasm toward individuals and sneering toward an entire group of people." [NYT 9-5-08]

10) Why politics and business are different: Look no further than the GOP convention speeches of former business execs Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman. Hey, are they still talking? What day is it? Is it over?

"The Whole World is Texting! The Whole World is Texting!"

1) Moose Burgers All Around! Hey McC, you sure did change the conversation, but then again, so will a bad connection. What was all that talk about needing to be "comfortable" with your pick? This is like bringing a stranger to a house party. Everybody wants to be nice to her but who the heck is she? Hey, is that Mitt over there?

2) Don't they have Cable? 38 million-plus sets are tuned to the OB acceptance speech but President Bush says he didn't watch it. I'm sorry, but that's like Heather Mills saying she didn't listen to the new McCartney album. Did you really have something else to do? Oh yeah, past your bedtime and all that. Will you stay up for McC?

3) "I hear hurricanes ablowing. I know the end is coming soon." Talk about a conversation changer. Gustav arrives as the GOP convention opens. You can't make this stuff up.

4) We are all Scrantonians! The question, "How's it playing in Scranton?" is suddenly in vogue again. In the old days it referred to stage plays that were maybe Broadway bound - Scranton was the last stop before the Big Apple. Now, it means something entirely different. Meet me at Coney Island Lunch!

5) Is that all there is? Michael Dukakis, 74 years old, at the Denver convention this week: "Losers are not delegates. They invite us, we wave, everybody cheers, we sit down....They do give us five extra tickets." [NYDN 8-26-08]

6) Two trains leave Denver traveling at 100 miles an hour..... President Clinton in Denver - two days before his speech - speaking to a group of visiting foreign dignitaries: "Suppose you're a voter, and you've got candidate X and candidate Y. Candidate X agrees with you on everything, but you don't think that candidate can deliver on anything at all. Candidate Y you agree with on about half the issues, but he can deliver. Which candidate are you going to vote for?" After realizing he was at the convention, he added, "This has nothing to do with what's going on now." Bill, please!

7) Most awkward scene since Richard Nixon hugged Sammy Davis Jr.: McC, at a Phoenix high school rally, accepts the endorsement of reggae singer "Daddy Yankee," and says, "I just want to say thank you, Daddy Yankee."

8) Is that a first-person shooter game? Historian Allan Lichtman and geophysicist Vladimir Keilis-Borok have developed their "Quake" model of predicting presidential elections. Says Lichtman, "We reconceptualized presidential politics in geophysical terms. We didn't look at it as Reagan versus Carter or Republicans versus Democrats or liberals versus conservatives. Rather, we looked at elections as stability versus upheavals." [WP 8-25-08] Well, where's the fun in that?

9) Best quote of the week: Tom Daschle: "In politics, only the paranoid survive."[NYT 8-26-08]

10) Best factoid unearthed by endless media references to 1968 Democratic Convention: MC5's Wayne Kramer is alive! And he debunks the legend that the band played for 12 hours straight during the '68 riots: "It was more like 50 minutes. We had to stop for some street theater, kids in Richard Nixon masks." [NYP 8-24-08]

As George Washington once said to John Adams, "It takes two, baby, that's me and you!"

1) Come again? Someone, please tell us why Chet Edwards' name was floated Friday before Ob's announcement. I hope it was worth whatever convoluted favor was asked, because, when coupled with the Drudge headline - "He Never Even Vetted Her" [8-22-08] - well, that's just a poke in the eye with a sharp stick for some folks.

2) Politics 102: "Examining the History of the 'Brother' in American Politics": This week we not only have George Hussein Onyango Obama found living in a hut in Kenya, we also have that more problematic brother, Tony Rodham, meeting with McC's people in Pennsylvania. Yikes! to both.

3) Mister "Annoying at Any Speed" calls in: Ralph Nader phones in to Politico to offer his prediction on Ob's v.p. pick (It's HRC, says Ralph, but adds that Sam Nunn would be better). So Ralph, what have you been up to these days? Got some time on your hands? Who will you be phoning next? [Politico.com 8-19-08]

4) Meddlers at the Gates: According to a story in the WSJ [8-18-08], a group of "liberal bloggers" is raising money to campaign against Democratic Rep. Chris Carney in Pennsylvania because he failed their ideological purity test. Salon columnist Glenn Greenwald, identified as an organizer of the effort, says, "I would rather see a smaller majority but fewer Blue Dogs than a big majority with the Blue Dogs in charge." Hey Glenn, there's a bridge up in Pike County in need of repair. I'm sure the good people of the 10th District can count on your help, I mean since you're so concerned about their welfare and all.

5) Saddle sores: Now that it's mandatory to mix religion and politics again, Rick Warren needs to fix his "cone of silence" before the 2012 race. Perhaps next time he can hold both candidates in a sensory deprivation tank for 24 hours before he starts the questioning. "Tell us, what did you see while you were in the tank?"

6) Malcolm, next time let Tom Hagen do the talking: According NYP's "Inside Albany" column by Fredric U. Dicker [8-18-08], New York State Senate Minority Leader Malcolm Smith told a group of lobbyists at a fundraiser that they should think of the event "as being like an IPO, an initial public offering." According to one attendee, "He said we should get in early because then it doesn't cost as much" and that it would be "painful after November" and the assumed new Senate Democratic majority, for those who don't contribute now.

7) Hey! I have an idea. What about Amy Carter? Proving that the concept of an "open letter" on the Internet is a clumsy and completely ineffective tool in politics, Michael Moore [MichaelMoore.com 8-19-08] implores vetter-in-chief Caroline Kennedy to choose herself for Ob's veep. Hey Mike, nice how you slipped in "I knew your brother John." We're impressed.

8) Since you beltway types wouldn't be caught dead holding it: The September '08 issue of Mad magazine, that neverending creation of the late William M. Gaines, not only features a morphed "Alfred E. Obama" on the cover (with a bumper sticker reading "Yes We Can't"), but also sends up MC in an ad for the film, "No Country For Old Man," with the tag line: "Running The Nation? This Guy Shouldn't Even Be Driving!"

9) Please, oh please, oh please, some excitement at last, oh please: The American Conservative Union's David Keene on McC picking Joe L. as his veep: "Lieberman would blow things up. That would be like Obama picking some right-winger that agrees with him on one thing." [Politico.com 8-19-08]

10) Cindy, incidentally, it looks like you got a sis: Mrs. McC, it looks like you can stop calling yourself an "only child" now that your half-sister is all riled up. Proving once again that politics is the all-seeing eye, the great leveler and the birthplace of entertainment.

No time for Paris or Lindsay Lohan, I ain't got time for that now...

1) Back in the USSR, indeed: Political Player of the Week award to Vlad "Pootie" Putin. Nothin' like a dose of realpolitik administered by a couple of tank divisions to put things in perspective. Hey Condi, play that piano all night long.

2) One still the loneliest number: U.S. Senate candidate Al Franken holds a roundtable on veterans issues and only one person shows up. The first rule of campaign advance work, people. Always make sure the venue is smaller than the anticipated crowd so you get an overflowing crowd. In this case, should have lined up a phone booth. (If they still exist.)

3) Don't you wish you lived there? Cindy Sheehan qualifies to run against House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Note to local reporters, please, please ask Cindy the following questions: a) name the largest employer in the district, b) what's the district's median income?, c) how much do folks there pay for a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread? (soy and whole wheat, respectively, of course).

4) Why Hank Sheinkopf rules: Hank to the NYDN [8-9-08] on John Edwards: "He's so dead that they're going to be building statues of him for pigeons to crap on. He's out of business. He will forever be known as a cad and a liar. You cannot mislead the press and tempt them to prove you wrong in the Internet era, when there are no secrets and everyone knows everything in the 24-hour news cycle." C'mon Hank, don't hold back.

5) Move all my 3 A.M. calls to 2 P.M.: McC to reporters: "If I put in three or four 18-hour, 20-hour days in a row, then I'm not sharp. It's just a fact." [NYT 8-11-08] Why not make your sleep schedule public so we know what we're dealing with on any given day?

6) People with too much time on their hands: Focus on the Family posts a video on their website calling on Christians to pray for rain during Obama's acceptance speech on Denver. After the flurry of criticism they take the video down and say it was all just a joke. So many jokes out there. Is this turning into the funnniest campaign ever, or what?

7) This is how that whole Jimmy C. thing went sour: Reports are that the Ob camp has shunned Rep. Charlie Rangel during Convention week and denied him a speaking spot. Come January, will the new president be planning any work in the area of tax reform? Just curious.....

8) Political wisdom = chance+luck: The Atlantic reprints Mark Penn's e-mails from the Clinton debacle. Let me get this straight. He thought Ob being born in Hawaii was an opening? And thought that was a good idea? And people still pay him lots of money for his ideas? Get me Chauncey Gardiner!

9) Why? Do you have a Timeshare there, or something? Cokie Roberts on Ob's Hawaii vacation: "I know his grandmother lives in Hawaii, and I know Hawaii is a state, but it has the look of him going off to some sort of foreign, exotic place. He should be in Myrtle Beach if he's going to take a vacation at this time." [NYT 8-15-08]

10) Will he, won't he, should he, could he, maybe, maybe not..... Colin Powell hasn't been this indecisive since that whole Iraq thing came up. Quick, somebody ask his wife!

The week American Politics nuked the fridge

1) Is Paris Burning? Totally. McC! You forgot one fundamental point - more people know who she is than know who you are. (Also, [shudder], Paris eclipses three months of Ob campaigning with the simple phrase, "I'm not from the olden days.") Quick McC! Kiss Madonna.

2) Johnny McC and the Shiny Gizmos: From the NYT [8-3-08], Lt. Cmdr. McC refers to wife Cindy as a technological "wizard." "She even does my boarding passes...people can do that now. When we go to the movies, she gets the tickets ahead of time. It's incredible." Next time you're up at Kennebunkport, ask 41 how those bar code scanners work.

3) Counselorrrrr. Come out, come out wherever you are....Somebody tell John Edwards not to drag this one out. You had the affair, the kid is someone else's and maybe some of your friends are paying her way in life. Huh? BTW, you've just been scheduled to speak on the fifth night of the Democratic convention.

4) Psst! Never let them see behind the curtain. Rep. John Shimkus (R., Ill.) introduced a resolution on June 30 recognizing that day as National Corvette Day. According to Parade Magazine [8-3-08], Shimkus said, "It's probably not the best use of our time, but we have to do something. These resolutions make it look like we're working."

5) Bill Clinton to speak in Denver on Night Three: Wanna bet he just gets up there and stares at Jim Clyburn for about ten minutes?

6) Cheney to spreak at the GOP Convention after all: Can you imagine if you're the staffer tasked with writing this one? Probably the toughest speech of the week. What could he possibly have to say that would fit in with the McCain message? Better off reading the stats from the Haliburton annual report.

7) Things we should have known earlier: Cindy Adams [NYP 8-8-08] goes down a long list of Dubya's nicknames for people. According to her, his name for John McCain was "Hogan." You know, because of "Hogan's Heroes." Which in itself explains way too much about the last eight years of our lives.

8) Needed more Tinkering: Freshman Rep. Steve Cohen's Democratic primary victory in Tennessee 9 shows us once again that there are certain images that folks just don't like to see on TV. Case in point, the campaign ad by challenger Nikki Tinker, an attorney (and an Afro-American candidates in this majority-black district), that showed Cohen alongside a man dressed in Klan robes. Despite the Tinker camp's feeble insistence that they were not insinuating anything about Cohen in the spot, they lost. 79% to 19%. Ouch.

9) Most disturbing sentence in a political news story in 2008: Buried in the 15th graph of a Wall Street Journal story by Belkin, Simon and Sataline: "Suggestions that Sen. Obama is the antichrist have been circulating for months in Bible-study meetings in towns like Chillicothe, Ohio, where congregants compare his remarks and his biography with verses from the Bible."

10) Hats off to Bob Novak: Love him or hate him, you must admit that he and Roland Evans created a genre that slowly evolved into today's chattering class. And they spent decades trying to explain Washington to the rest of the country. It'll be a shame if he must go quietly into that good night.

When Willie S. said "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" he was really dishing out some great political advice

1) Britney and Paris and Barack, Oh My! Dear McC: Since when did defining your opponent turn into a drunken round of "Hey, let's throw spaghetti at the wall and see how much sticks!" Two weeks back you were in danger of becoming the Maytag Repairman of Politics 2008. Now you're morphing into what, exactly?

2) What passes for political wisdom these days: A really bad idea making the rounds in Washington - using the 1980 presidential race as a "template" to understand this year's dynamic. Why? Because one candidate talks real good? Rather, imagine what YouTube would have done with candidate Reagan and then just drop the whole discussion.

3) Groovy new political catchphrase of the week (use it twice and impress your friends): Marty Kaplan, (yes, for those of you who lived through the '80s) quoted in the NYT [8-1-08]: "Both sides believe there is something called the master narrative. Yes, there is an abundance of voices and sources trying to influence that master narrative. But it does finally get set, and once it's set, it's virtually impossible to change. So everyone is doing their best to stop the master narrative from setting in a way that disadvantages their side....It's all in play right now." Dude! You're sitting on my master narrative!

4) Don't call it a comeback! Dan Quayle on "Dancing with the Stars?" Since when did a network have to float the concept of a contestant performing on a game show? Is he that controversial? Do we remember who he is?

5) Call us when your ship lands: Newt Gingrich on Hannity & Colmes [7-31-08] suggesting that Obama take a couple of weeks off from campaigning. Because he's on TV too much and people are seeing too much of him. And in Newt's head this is a bad thing. And he wasn't smiling when he said this. Because he was serious.

6) Candidate Alert! Check out House candidate Allen West, retired Army Lt. Col., running against freshman Dem. Rep. Ron Klein in Florida 22. West thinks that when a booker from Al Jazeera's English-language channel called to schedule him for an interview it was really a terror plot to kidnap him [NY Daily News 7-28-08]. Way to get some press attention Allen, takin' a page out of the Ross Perot playbook. ["The VC were trying to disrupt my daughter's birthday party. Dressed in black pajamas coming across my front lawn, I tell ya."]

7) Chuck Hagel as the new Joe Lieberman: "I think John is treading on some very thin ground here when he impugns motives and when we start to get into 'You're less patriotic than me. I'm more patriotic.'" [CBS's "Face the Nation" 8-27-08] Now can he speak at the Democratic convention?

8) Hey, even Strom knew when to turn the lights out: Just-turned-89-years-old Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau says he intends to run for a 10th four-year term. "If I broke both my legs I might not run, but if I broke one, I would run," said Morgy [Daily News 8-31-08].

9) My seat! My seat! A deck and a new grill for my seat! Did anyone notice that even before the indictment Ted Stevens was trailing Mark Begich 50-45. And now it's what, 50-35? Yikes! I'm sure it was all worth it.

10) When there were "Wise Men" Writing in his column this week [7-27-08] David Broder recalled Democratic insider James H. Rowe Jr. and his opinion of why U.S. Senators should not be eligible for the office of president: "The reason is that senators don't know how to run anything. Their staffs have to tell them what to do. They walk around with little slips of paper in their pocket saying, 'Call so-and-so,' or 'Remember to talk to so-and-so."

Washington: The Original "Town Without Pity"

1) He should have seen it comin': Both the pedestrian in the crosswalk and being used by the McCainiacs to float the veep story. Bob, since when did you become the only guy at the poker game who isn't quite sure why he was invited to play?

2) John Edwards runs from veep short list! Where's the coverage? Where's the lawsuit? Okay, at the very least, where's the chase footage? And where was TMZ?

3) A Yale take on the economy: "Wall Street got drunk...It got drunk, and now it's got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up, and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments." Glad no one asked him to name one of those "fancy instruments."

4) Paul Weyrich says hello: Iowa GOP wingers boot Chuck Grassley from the state's Convention delegation. Thirty years in the Senate to be treated like this? Next time they need a bridge fixed they should ask Weyrich for the money.

5) Political Journalism Prize of the Week: David D. Kirkpatrick, writing in his NYT [7-21-08] piece on McCain and the Senate: "Both Mr. McCain and Mr. Lott publicly supported Mr. Frist. But both also had an interest in his failure. Mr. McCain because Mr. Frist was a potential presidential rival and Mr. Lott because he had taken his leadership post." "An interest in his failure." That sentence sings.

6) Are you kind? A raised middle finger to the NYT for it's fawning piece on Rep. Anthony Weiner [7-23-08]. How many times a year do political journalists write stories about folks in high office who treat their staff very badly only to excuse away the accounts of atrocious behavior? Just be sure to interview the resident staff (or former staff) sycophants who assure us that he's just a high-strung guy who's really a dedicated public servant. "Hey, it's okay that he beat me with the phone. We got HR369 passed yesterday!" Enough! Time for some common decency. Or heavy sedation.

7) Poppy's in the golf cart again! Just who's running the image department of the McCain campaign? And just what was Poppy's message to Lt. Commander McC? "John, let me tell you what we Eastern Establishment folk do when we lose."

8) Here they come! What's more disturbing? That Bob Barr is now on the ballot in Ohio or the fact that his campaign manager is Russell Verney? The Russell Verney - adviser to Ross Perot in 1992, Perot '96 campaign manager and founder of the Reform Party - who once kicked Jesse Ventura out of said "Party." Doesn't it all give you the willies? Look! There's Admiral Stockdale!

9) Thanks for saying it for us: Ken Khachigian, who knows a thing or two about GOP vice presidential candidates, writing in the WSJ [7-25-08] about McC's pending decision. The title? "Who'll Be McCain's Veep? Who Cares?"

10) At least he's not meeting with Madonna (Right?!): Obama's in the gym again! How many times can one shoot hoops in one day? But wouldn't it be great if he really was using those sessions to meet with veep candidates? Cue the theme music to "Secret Agent Man."

Saul Alinsky never did satire

1) The New Yorker cover: The trouble with satire is always that point where it runs into the nebulous crossroads between Access Hollywood, Google and Grand Theft Auto. It's never the same after it goes through the blender.

2) Not saying that all third party people are posers, but... Jesse Ventura on not running for the Senate on "Larry King Live" [CNN 7-14-08]: "Larry, let me say this to you. It was a difficult decision. But it came down to almost there ----surfing versus the Senate. And I found surfing to be much more honorable than the Senate if I---for the next six years, because the ocean doesn't lie to you, the waves don't lie to you. My government does lie to me today."

3) Bush press conference on the economy: "I'm an optimist." Us too. But this just isn't really the time and place to brag about it.

4) "Idaho Is No Longer a Lock for Republicans" That was actually a headline in this week's Wall Street Journal. Ahhh. Okay. Let's not get too carried away now, shall we? It's still the land of the black helicopter.

5) The trouble with Lieberman: Dick Durbin on Senate Democrats getting fed up with Joe Lieberman's McCain thing: "This is a delicate situation." In the real world, when most folks hear those words from their boss they know they're on the way out.

6) The continuing adventures of the GOP and the Fossella seat: Now that Staten Island Republican leaders have endorsed businessman Robert Straniere as their new candidate to take the seat, former Borough President Guy Molinari tells the press: "It's unthinkable. If there's something I can do against him, I will do it." You gotta love it. For Guy, politics is still personal.

7) Rep. Tom Cole on John McCain's candidacy being good for the GOP: "He helps us change our image and recasts us as a maverick party interested in change." "Interested in change?" Sounds like you're making plans to watch the Discovery channel. And no, he does not make you a "maverick party." Why not change your name to "The Wild Stallions?"

8) John McCain on high tech: "I don't e-mail. I've never felt the particular need to e-mail." [NYT 7-13-08] Sounds like someone's in need of some social networking.

9) Repeat after me, first comes the trip, then comes the speech: Whose idea was it to let Obama talk about Iraq before actually going over there? And as good as taking Hagel along looks now, do they really know what they're going to get from him when it's over. He's not exactly "Mr. Predictable."

10) Mike Dukakis has a good idea: On the Jesse Jackson flap: "This moment only reinforces that we have to let the younger guys take the lead in politics, that they know the issues of today, that we live in a far different world than 20 years ago." Well said.

Political Rule #214: Nothing is ever as it seems except for those instances in which it indeed is.

1) Mr. Mental Case: Mr. Phil "ready money [is] the most reliable friend you can have in American politics" Gramm will forever live out the maxim that academics teach and pols do. Why not send him off to Dayton, Ohio, to open a McCain campaign office among all those foreclosed homes abanoned by all the "whiners."

2) Mark Penn hires Karen Hughes: Have you no sense of common decency...uh, I mean timing? The Washington Post recently called the two "PR wizards." When exactly does the magic start? Have they been waiting for something important to come along?

3) Why people still read Novak: Love him or hate him, Robert Novak can still cut through the crap of Washington. On the recent Obama meeting with Clinton big-money people: "But, in the opinion of the Clintonites, he [Obama] did not open the door to his campaign, because he asked nothing of them. Big-money Democrats who could have expected to be named U.S. ambassadors by President Hillary Clinton realized that they would get nothing from a President Obama. The train had left the station, and they were not aboard." The whole problem explained in three simple sentences.

4) Dead Man Running: Jack Kevorkian has collected enough signatures to get on the ballot for the 9th Congressional District race in Michigan. He'll be the independent candidate facing Republican incumbent Joe Knollenberg and Democrat Gary Peters. Wouldn't it give you the creeps if your neighbor had a "Kevorkian for Congress" yard sign? Or a Kevorkian house party?

5) Psychodrama qu'est-ce que c'est? Creepy Bill Clinton returns to the Aspen Ideas Festival to remind the crowd: "If you know anybody who was a POW for any length of time, you will see, you go along for months or maybe even years and then something will happen and it will trigger all those bad dreams, and it will come back." And the next thing you know it's World War III!!!! Hey, I'm just sayin'.

6) Hot Mic! Comin' through here! Hot Mic! Rev. Jesse Jackson, the latest in the long line of clergymen imposing themselves in the middle of the 2008 presidential contest, blames his coarse message to Obama on a "hot mic." Now that would make for a great new reality show. Get Hulk Hogan's kid to host it.

7) Jesse Helms R.I.P.: Equally scorned and worshiped, an American original and a successful pol. As Ferrel Guillory, a figurehead of NC political journalism put it in the NYT obit [7-5-08], "He was a very polarizing politician. He was not a consensus builder. He didn't want everybody to vote for him. He just wanted enough." And what's so wrong with that?

8) Two political guys with fistfulls of cash walk into a bar: The news out of New York this week is that Rochester billionaire Tom Golisano, himself a three-time loser for governor of that state, will spend $5 million on this year's state legislative races in an effort to push a "reform" agenda. If a candidate agrees with his views, he'll pony up the cash. In a more traditional move, House Ways and Means Chairman Charlie Rangel has so far this year handed out $849,392 to Democrats running for Congress. Obviously planning for a rainy day.

9) Hey Joe, where you goin' with that nominating speech in your hand? The new website LiebermanMustGo.com has irked the Senator and his staff with their petition drive to get theDemocratic leadership to strip him of his rank in the party caucus and deny him a committee chairmanship. Lieberman spokesman Marshall Wittman said that the drive was the product of "old petty partisan politics." Aren't they the best kind?

10) From the folks who brought you the guillotine: Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's new CD, laced with love songs to her husband the President of France. Sample lyrics: "You're my orgy....I am burning for you like a pagan woman." Further evidence that French politics is not really politics. More like a fancy lunch. Name one American political spouse who could get away with saying this stuff in public. Mrs. Kucinich does not count.

What would John Adams do?

1) McCain campaigning down Colombia way: In perhaps the strangest campaign move since 2001 New Jersey GOP gubernatorial candidate Bret Schundler decided to campaign in Israel in September of that year (and found himself stuck there following the 9/11 attacks), Sen. McC has decided to go South for reasons his own folks can't explain. The good news is he's apparently polling well in the Bogota suburbs.

2) All roads lead back to "Predator": Following in the footsteps of fellow castmates Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura, former actor Sonny Landham has decided to run for elective office, challenging Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell in the Kentucky Senate race. Sonny will play the role of the Libertarian candidate (if he gets the 5,000 signatures to get on the ballot). Remember that scene where he takes on the Predator with just a hunting knife? It was a good death.

3) Obama and Bill finally speak: What did you think was going to happen? Should they have met under a bridge like Tony and Johnny Sack? Only New York politicos meet in their cars at night. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

4) Post Post-Modern Politics: One of McC's former Vietnamese jailers, Tran Trong Duyet, has endorsed his candidacy. "If I were an American voter, I would vote for John McCain," he said to the AP, explaining that McC was "tough, has extreme views, and is very conservative." He also looks forward to meeting "as two old friends." I hope the campaign has the foresight to avoid leaving them alone in a room. After all, if he could go after a Sandinista who didn't know him from Adam.....

5) Arianna advises Ob not to move to the center: Have you learned nothing about how American politics works? You've certainly been going on and on about it for years now. You don't have to like Nixon to admit he was right on the basics of modern presidential campaigning. It's why they call it a dance!

6) Endorsements ain't what they used to be: As Rep. Henry Cuellar said not so long ago, "I find that with any endorsement, you get half of their friends and all of their enemies." Case in point: This week Barbara Streisand endorsed Obama. Erik Estrada endorsed McCain. Do James Brolin and Larry Wilcox follow suit? Let the betting begin.

7) Speaking of endorsements: With Joe Lieberman clinging to McC like a third arm, just where is Hadassah? Isn't it time for some cablenet goffer to get her on tape concerning the '08 race? Does she do lunch with Cindy?

8) George Orwell, call your office: Those planning to protest at the Democratic National Convention in Denver this August will be kept far from the proceedings and well out of sight behind fenced enclosures. The protesters refer to the fencing as "freedom cages." Democracy apparently ain't what it used to be either.

9) Just think of what we're missing had he been the nominee: Speaking up on behalf of McC, Rudy Giuliani told reporters this week, "I thought I was best qualified [to be president], but I thought John was number two." Hey, thanks.

10) Politics is a learning experience: It may have taken the threat of voters being mean to him but Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal flipped and vetoed the bill that would have given state legislators a hefty pay raise. Let's see, break a promise to state legislators or face a recall. Hmmm... Go back on my word or face a recall. Hmmmm.... It's okay governor. It'll get easier now.

Mistakes were made.....

1) Charlie Black channels his inner Ed Rollins: Or did he? The big news is Black making such a blunder. Not to get too Machiavelli and all but he did manage to get the terror thought back out into the media for about three news cycles. And at what cost to the candidate? None. So...

2) Obama and the FISA fight: For those still waiting for the man to jump into this one for the good of all mankind, here's a name you may have forgotten - Sister Souljah. Ring a bell? Capiche?

3) Whatever's the matter with Ralphie? Dead white man walking here. Make way. Or, as he explained his unending quest to the Washington Post [6-25-08]: "It's the rational approach. If you're locked out of the governmental system, if you can't get a hearing, and I can't, you go to the electoral system. What's my alternative? Should I go to Monterey and watch the whales?" YESSSS!!!! Wonderful idea. Here, we'll help you pack.

4) From the "Counting your chickens" Department: The Great Seal of Obama. We blinked and you were gone. What bothered you more, the forced Latin or the creepy new-agey wave thingy in the eagle's chest? And that was one pissed-off looking eagle.

5) Political Journalism Awards 2008: First nominee is Daniel Libit's piece on Politico.com [6-25-08], "Meet the make-believe strategists of TV." Thank you Daniel. We collectively knew that we had never heard of any of those people strategizing anything in real life. To read them explaining away their labels hurts the eyes.

6) Gordon Smith starts a trend: Endangered GOPers clinging to an association with Barack Obama. Let's call it the "Politics of Oz." Instead of "Don't look behind the curtain," it's "Don't look at that 'R' after my name!" The part of Toto will of course be played by Frank Luntz.

7) What hath Fossella wrought? The sad and untimely death of Francis Powers, the retired Wall Streeter hand picked to serve as the GOP candidate in the race to fill Vito Fossella's Staten Island Congressional seat, has made this contest no longer a laughing matter. In fact, this seat could soon become like that house down the street that never sells because of what happened there a long time ago. Maybe the NRCC should just move on and forget all about this one.

8) Hey Sen. McCain, what's on your Victrola? Enough with "the Lexington Project" and the references to "Imperial Japan" and anything else that happened more than twenty years ago. You're scaring the kids. Or at least leaving them really confused.

9) You may already be a winner: Ever since McCain offered the $300 million prize for the better car battery why do we have visions of guys in top hats lining up outside the White House with their perpetual motion machines tucked under their arms? You know this will turn into some weird Soap Box Derby type competition where there'll be an explolsion in somebody's garage and they'll sue the campaign.

10) Sam Nunn, now and forever: Thanks to NYT's Mark Leibovich [6-22-08] for reminding us just how many times over the past 24 years that former Georgia Sen. Sam Nunn's name has been tossed around as a potential vice presidential running mate. And to Ralph Reed for calling the modern day vetting of possible veeps "the equivalent of a total G.I. track exam."

Politics: Just another verb masquerading as a noun

1) Political Play of the Week: Luke Russert gets McCain and Obama in the same pew and then preaches his dad's political philosophy to them from the pulpit. Smooth move.

2) Patti Solis Doyle to the Obama ranks: Yes, the whole thing is its own parlor game. But Axelrod roots run deep, no?

3) What does Ron want? Now that he has officially stopped his quest for the GOP nomination Ron Paul can concentrate on just what he's going to do with that room full of folks at his anti-convention. And what to do with all that Internet cash? I say he buys gold. Lots of it.

4) Rudy G. sets new standard in being helpful: Giuliani will go to any length to help elect any Republican this year. For a price. Why not go the whole way and offer to sell "Rudy" ice and bottled water at all campaign events? This answers the question of what Trump would be like as a candidate.

5) Tony Schwartz R.I.P.: Everybody knows the "Daisy" ad inside out and it was great. But nothing was so simple, yet effective, as John Q. Voter siting in his living room easy chair laughing hysterically at the idea of Spiro T. as a heartbeat away from the presidency. From his Washington Post obit: "We can hear four times as fast as we can talk. So the question is, what do you do with the other time?" [WP 6-17-08] And, from his NYT obit: "The best political commercials are Rorschach patterns. They do not tell the viewer anything. They surface his feelings and provide a context for him to express these feelings." [NYT 6-17-08]

6) Just what are you gettin' at fella? Asked if he plans to be a Democrat "forever," Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman says: "You know, forever is a long time." Geez, goin' to the GOP Convention and all, why not JUST SAY IT!!!!!! [USA Today 6-19-08]

7) Bob Barr threatens to take away votes from McCain: Hey, don't the authorities look into schemes where non-existent organizations try to raise money for non-existent causes? I'm just askin'.

8) Dennis Agonistes: Kucinich, in his quest for articles of impeachment, observes that "there are some things that yield to reason, and there are other things that yield to politics. I cannot understand what the political reason would be to not [impeach the President]." Dennis, go back and review the first sentence. [Washington Post's "In The Loop"]

9) Obama opts out: Yeah, he said he wouldn't. Now, what are you going to do about it? And who exactly will spend the time trying to make people understand this? And, even if someone does try, who will remember come September? I say TV ad buyers everywhere are partying hearty this weekend.

10) Michelle O hits "The View": Seems like a homer. Disarms (or at least quiets) Hasselbeck, impresses with simple Republican cloth dress, dispels evils of the fist bump, and tips her hat to Laura Bush. What more could the campaign ask? Oh, and makes Cindy McC look a couple of weeks late.

Politics, much like Denise Richards, is complicated

1) SnopesObama.com: The Obama campaign announced its new rumor mill debunking operation by proclaiming: "The Obama campaign isn't going to let dishonest smears spread across the Internet unanswered." Bravo! And thanks. Where would American politics be without the "honest smear?"

2) What's wrong with these people? First Fox's E.D. Hill suggests that the Obama fist bump could be "a terrorist fist jab" and now they've referred to Michelle Obama on screen as "Obama's baby mama." Just what is it with that network? Do you think they just have problems relating to folks from Chicago? Is that it? God forbid they're trying to be hip like the kids. Next thing you know Bill O will be saying that he got jiggy with it. And we all know he did.

3) That a way to turn out the vote: Sen. John Ensign, Chair of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, has set a new high in lowballing expectations, telling reporters this week that if the GOP only loses three Senate seats in November, it "would be a terrific night for us. I don't want to slip below the four-seat loss." Hey John, is it true you're going to host a special screening of "Paths of Glory" before the big election night party?

4) Happy Father's Day, Dad! In the bizarro world that is the race to succeed Staten Island's Vito Fosella, GOP candidate Frank Powers is facing his son Fran Powers, who's running as the Libertarian candidate. Dad, a retired Wall Street exec, told the press that he had tried to help Fran "live a healthy lifestyle." His remarks were accompanied by a comment from a GOP source who referenced Fran's "carefree" music business career. In response, Fran, a product of Frank's first marriage, countered, "I'm not out here doing heroin. I have a regular life. Do I have a beer? Yes. I'm having one now." Fran is in the Staten Island band, Box of Crayons. [Staten Island Advance 6-5-08] Gabba, Gabba, Hey! Have you registered to vote yet?

5) The hubbub over the supposed Clinton Enemies List: Duh! People who write and talk about politics for a living expressing surprise that two professional politicians remember who was with them and who wasn't? That's news? Does the phrase "ABC Common Traitor" ring a bell? The only people who can't understand this have never worked around other people before. Whether it's CNN or a Kinko's. Or Dunder Mifflin.

6) Political Humor Awards '08: Mark Penn's NYT Op-ed piece [6-8-08] on "What Went Wrong" with the Clinton campaign. That was great. Really. A knee slapper. I mean, could anyone get through that with a straight face? I mean, "we needed a different kind of operation to win caucuses and to retain support of superdelegates." That's gold, Jerry! Gold!

7) Madam, I believe your pants are on fire. Too bad LBJ isn't around to deal with the "new breed" of Internet political blogger/reporter/citizen journalist/folks with too much time on their hands and no visible source of income-types who prey on the unsuspecting and then express such surprise that they've managed to make national news. Case in point, this week's Howard Kurtz [WP 6-9-08] profile of Mayhill Fowler, who got Bill C. to call Todd Purdum a "scumbag." Says Fowler, "I have no journalistic training. I just discovered that I'm impelled to get out there and get the truth of the matter." Aw shucks, you didn't have time to identify yourself. How lucky for you.

8) Old School still applies: Speaking of LBJ, USA Today's Susan Page references the man in her piece this week on how to choose a Veep [6-12-08]. Johnson, speaking on the phone to Sargent Shriver in 1964: "I think a man (who) runs for vice president is a very foolish man. [The] man who runs away from it is very wise. I wished I'd run farther away from it than I did...And don't you ever be a candidate and don't let anybody else be a candidate, and tell them anybody that runs for it never gets it." Yo, Mitt!

9) Your own worst enemy is sitting right there on the Straight Talk Express: Come now, "not important????!!!!" Obviously the McCain campaign is in for a very long five months. Time to turn the conversations back around to William Jennings Bryan, I'd say.

10) R.I.P. Tim Russert. American politics has lost a source of insight, historical perspective, and darn good questions. We're all a bit dumber for the loss.

Wheel in the Sky keeps on turning

1) Exit, Stage Right: Charlie Rangel on that HRC conference call: "She wanted to talk to supporters and get advice, so she got advice. Love and affection doesn't have a damn thing to do with counting votes." [Politico.com 6-5-08]

2) "Today, we settle all family business." Last Saturday the Obama team worked out the Michigan and Florida mess while the candidate resigned from his troublesome church. Michael Corleone would have been proud.

3) Dude, enough already: Will somebody tell Chris Matthews to stop noting that if HRC was to take the Veep spot she would "have to obey." Saying the word "obey" once was weird. Repeating it over and over, day after day, was getting creepy. Did Nixon ask Agnew if he was ready to "obey?" Okay, so Johnson probably did ask HHH, but come on.

4) Jordan Wright RIP: Dedicated collector of American political memoribilia for the last 40 years, he went way beyond a mere button collection. You've got to love a guy who had "Clean Up With Ike" bars of soap. Quoted in his NYT obit: "There hasn't been an election since Washington's when we didn't go to the voting booth holding our nose." [NYT 6-1-08]

5) Cheney's West Virginia Quip: Recounting Cheneys on both sides of the family tree, "So I had Cheneys on both sides of the family and we don't even live in West Virginia....You can say those things when you're not running for reelection." Funny as a crutch, Rich.

6) On knowing a lose/lose situation when you see one: NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg's Deputy Mayor, Kevin Sheekey, passes on the RNC offer to manage the GOP Convention in Minnesota.

7) Didn't he hear about the notebook thingy? Rep. Artur Davis (D., Alabama), Obama campaign adviser, suggests list of names for possible VP pick, including ex Florida Sen. Bob Graham, who is probably making note of that (and other things) as you read this.

8) Shelby, quit while you're ahead: Shelby Steele's book about Obama was titled: "Bound Man: Why We Are Excited About Obama and Why He Can't Win." He also predicted HRC would take the nomination.

9) Ralph Reed writes a novel: And titles it "Dark Horse." And says it's the "most honest book, without question, I've written." Say no more.

10) The Pres speaks: As quoted in The Washington Post's "In The Loop" column this week, GWB delivering a speech on May 27th in Arizona: "And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." As the man said, it's "The working, the working, just the working life," indeed.

politics (n.) Sports with consequences

1) The Scott McClellan hubbub: Too bad Fox doesn't have a political version of "Moment of Truth." You could win some dough with this stuff. Otherwise, except for the betrayal, it's a lot like proving that the sky is blue, isn't it?

2) The White House response to the McClellan hubbub: Is that ham I smell on those hands?

3) Bob Dole's acerbic e-mail response to the McClellan hubbub: Who woke up the Viagra Kid? Did you know he could e-mail? Bob, who's on your MySpace page?

4) McCain challenges Barack to go to Iraq with him: Let's up the ante with a "Quick Fire" challenge. They each have to buy food at the central Baghdad marketplace and cook up a light lunch for 20 in the Green Zone.

5) Our condolences to Mrs. Bow Tie: Tucker Carlson on picking a VP: "The VP story is a little bit like sex. When it's happening, you're totally focused on it, it's all you want. Then, the second it's over, you can barely remember why it seemed so important." [Politico 5-28-08]

6) Mikey, we hardly knew ya! Gravel retires from politics! Mike, seriously, it was always like you were in your own private M. Night Shyamalan flick. Now we'll never know how your saga ends, which, if you think about it, is in keeping with the whole concept anyway, right? Too bad. Grumpiness is so in vogue now.

7) The McCain "We'll be out of Iraq by 2013" plan: Note to the campaign, see if Zager & Evans are still around. "In the year 2013, ain't gonna need no troops over there anymore, everything you think, do, and say is in the pill you took today...." You get the idea. I smell comeback! Which you guys could use also....

8) Larry Craig's book to explain everything: In the words of Paul Westerberg, "Saw your video! We don't wanna know!!!!!!!!!"

9) Bernadette Budde still rules! "Tell me (who wins) Colorado and I will tell you the winner." Bernadette, to USA Today [5-28-08] on the 2008 presidential race.

10) Murray Sabrin talks to the dead! New Jersey GOP Senate candidate Murray Sabrin announced this week that his candidacy had been endorsed by Frank Gannett, founder of Gannett Co. Inc. The fact that Gannett died in 1957 did not trouble Murray. Nor should it trouble the voters of New Jersey.

Even in politics, there's just some things you just don't talk about....

1) Ted's Troubles: For the outpouring of soul, for reminding us that the most exclusive of clubs does still have a heart, for harking back to the days when Senators were masters of this game. And we were the better for it.

2) Mike & Mitt & the Unseamly Chase: There was a time not so long ago when gentlemen did not act this way. What's next? Will they pull blades on each other? Don't they know the last cookie always goes to the quiet one?

3) Republican Party or Donner Party? You Decide. Hey Newt! Thanks for the great new batch of old ideas. Yes. All they need to do is write a new Magna Carta. In which alternative universe did you dream that stuff up? Did the Ruskies win?

4) Note to Huckabee, Hagee, Hillary, et al: Rule # 43: In politics, don't mention Hitler, the Holocaust, assasinations or make fun of sick people. Ever.

5) Bush hat in hand to the Saudis: Speaking of somebody looking like Neville Chamberlain.

6) Goodbye to Vito F.: I guess reality finally set in. But wouldn't we all have loved to have been a fly on the wall in that room. Who did it? Boehner? Cole? Someone closer to home?

7) Dick Tuck Hall of Fame Awards: To whoever sent that plastic penis on a mini remote-controlled helicopter flying through Garry Kasparov's press conference to unite Kremlin opponents. Who says Big Brother doesn't have a sense of humor?

8) Remember Hamilton Jordan. There's a guy who drew up a 70-page plan that laid out a year-by-year, step-by-step campaign for an obscure Southern governor to win the White House. They followed the plan.

9) Mark McKinnon has a code. He follows his word. Got to admire that these days.

10) And the "Hasn't caught up with the news yet" Award goes to: Rep. Mike Pence of Indiana (R), who this week said: "I think the way back to the majority is to the right."

Politics: Why Chaos Theory always works

1) Political Play of the Week: To David Axelrod for putting the Edwards endorsement announcement right before the evening news on the day after West Virginia. Does it give Barack NC? No. But it did what it was intended to do - change the subject in a big way.

2) On using the Bully Pulpit to lead by example. You gave up golf in solidarity with the troops? Wow. Okay, so I guess that means we should follow your lead, sir. No Halo 3 during work and absolutely no Guitar Hero after 8 p.m. But can we still see Niko Bellic on the weekends? This sacrifice stuff hurts. Don't know how you can possibly endure it, sir.

3) Post-modern political analysis rears its ugly head again: MSNBC's "Hardball" 7 p.m. EST 5-14-08, Chris Matthews to Pat Buchanan on the Edwards endorsement: "Pat Buchanan! That's sort of like getting it from the back, there!" And you're going to run for the U.S. Senate with that mouth? We can hardly wait.

4) From the "No more questions!" Department: Vito Fossella to Guy Molinari last week, on hearing that the party was talking about potential candidates to replace him in a special election when he resigns: "What's this all about?" Earth to Vito. But you know, on second thought, he should probably stay put. The party just can't afford to lose another special. I know, you're screaming, "Not in Staten Island!" But I bet the NRCC would still have to spend some bucks on it.

5) Bob Barr knows something we don't. Okay, so Bob's probably a lock for the Libertarian Party. You know, those are the ones whose party convention looks like a giant infomercial audience. But the word "Party" always begs the question: How many ward leaders do you have? Also, have you ever paved roads or moved trash? I guess I'm being petty.

6) It Ain't Her, Babe: It boggles the mind what passes for political commentary these days. Camille Paglia, [really, will the '80s never end?????] writing on Salon.com, 5-14-08, on HRC: "who won't stop her manic tarantella until her party whirls into ruins, like the run-amuck carousel in Alfred Hitchcok's "Strangers on a Train." Sounds great. Means nothing. First, I believe it's always been more "Twist and Shout." Second, as to which party is currently whirling into ruin, take Connie Corleone's advice: "Read the papers! Read the papers!"

7) Mississippi 1st CD Special Election: Attention House GOP: Head for the hills! If it was a horror movie, the audience would be screaming at the Grand Old Party to stop sending its people into the dark basement to check out those noises. None of them are coming back up! At this rate come the fall the DCCC will be offering (on their dime) to fly VP Cheney anywhere in the country to campaign for incumbent GOP reps.

8) Sen. Arlen Specter investigates the Patriots: [Insert "Magic Bullet Theory" joke here] That's the way to use your office to get even on the personal level, Senator. Hope that investigation doesn't touch your Eagles. And by the way, was that the sound of the NFL checkbook coming out for Chris Matthews?

9) McCain Can't Recall 2000 Vote: People say lots of things at parties. Mark Salter calling Arianna "a flake and a poser and an attention-seeking diva." Well, yeah, what's your point? The bigger question - Does Cindy McCain have more money than God? This Bud's for you, Cindy.

10) Ron Paulites plotting for convention shenanigans: Look kids, all ol' Ron wants is a prime time slot to address America about that ever-pressing question, "The Gold Standard." At which point millions of remotes switch to "Rock of Love 3" "Oh, Brett......"